Will Walton - I Want to Scream Lyrics

I want to scream, need to scream about everything inside of me
This darkness, this happiness, deep in me, all this pain, this agony
But you'll tell me I'm dramatic and that it'll pass through
But it keeps coming back so what should I do
Oh wise one? Knowing one, staring me in the face
Back at me through the mirror, such a damn disgrace
The smile on my face, that I constantly fake
The smile that lies to everyone day after day
Trying to look like everything's okay
But it's never okay, no way, not today

Something's wrong with me and I can't find a way to fix it
I'm clawing at the walls, nails come way on the bricks and
I'm trying to scream but my voice is gone it seems
I have no mouth and I must scream
I want to scream need to scream
From the bottom of this pit that I keep finding myself in
Pull yourself together, what's wrong with you?
Everything is wrong and I need to break through
Oh we're doing this again, this ain't the same song
Where you write a way out and pretend that nothing's wrong
But everything is wrong and I don't know what to do
You plague my existence I can't get rid of you

I live without direction, you're the reason that I'm faithless
You colour me grey and you leave me feeling weightless
It's gives me time to think on many a bad day
How an all loving thing could make this big of a mistake
Because if you really exist and I'm part of your plan
Then you're trying really hard to get me back, man
Because I've yet to go a week without asking if it's worth it
Without feeling disenfranchised and worthless
Get out of my head, don't want to do this anymore
I'm a broken record, I've heard this all before
I'm about ready to knock on your door
Because I'm tired of being kicked to floor

Is there something wrong if I can never fix it?
Like an open wound that's getting infected
Denial denial, I won't face what I'm feeling
But I can recite the nuances of my bedroom ceiling

And though you try to help it never seems to work
And it nearly always end in you getting hurt
But even in the face of that you left me a rope ladder
In the hopes that I'd come and find you when I was better

But it was too much weight and the ladder broke in two
But I'm gonna fight and make my way back to you
In a moment of clarity from the cloud of self-doubt
There's no ladder so I'll grip these bricks and pull myself out

Bloody knuckled, up this wall I climb
I feel it try to pull me back, but not this time
Pushing through the blockades in my brain
I know I'm struggling but I'm gonna win this game

Closer and closer to the light of day
Closer and closer to a means of escape
If only temporary, but god do I need this
If I'm ever gonna get on track to defeating this