Wigwam - Horace's Aborted Rip-Off Scheme Lyrics

An operator by the name of Horace
Made a deal with Jake'n Boris
'bout how the flop-house that they ran just had to go
So they planned to have an accident
Pick up the thirty-three per-cent
And retire somewhere out of the snow.
They'd figured that the bigger the policy
The better so sent a letter
To the company in the know,
Under-estimating the endurance
Of the insurance-agents from outa town
Who'd get their man and throw 'em in clink

For the great insurance shake-down rip-off
The faked-up take-all slip-off scheme.

They thought they'd have a fire
So endeavoured to aquire
The utensils necessary for the show
Bought blow-lamps, pumps and matches
Fire-lighter sticks in batches
And retired to the woods with all in tow.
They'd calculated that the smaller
The fuss they made the all-the-more
Chance they had of pulling off the stunt
Understimatin' the endurance
Of the insurance agents from outa town
Who always liked their money up-front
For stopping

The great insurance shake down rip-off
The faked-up take-all slip-off scheme

Thought they'd take a dreamboat journey
To Malasia or Easter Island
Teach those natives something useful
Diggin' holes with style and status

The scheme wasn't perfect
But it didn't seem-to bad

It had a good chance of working
And it was the best one they had.

The great Insurance shake-down rip-off
The staked-out make-off baked-up chip-off
The faked up take-all slip-off scheme.

But the night before the accident
Horace had a premonition of the condition
He'd be in after an arrest
Boris would double-cross him
Make off with the dough and toss him
Into a pit of crocodiles and foul-pest aargh!
And he'd be chained down in a cell
Up the hall-way from hell
And be a subject to crudities to a strainend degree
And the investore they would stone him
And that Jake, he would 'phone him
And inform him that it wouldn't work anyway
Forget it

The Great Insurance shake-down rip-off
The baked-up make-off break-off slip-off scheme.