Victory Lapse - Church Boy Lyrics

I'm a polite little church boy
In my turtle neck and my corduroys
Bright red hair burning in the sun
I only feel tall when all the adults are sitting down
Drunk on caffeine
But the strangest thing
They keep whispering

I have yet to find a mitten that fits
But I'll be damned if I fail

I'd be at home on a sitcom
I could disappear til my show was on
A big dumb joke feeding on applause
I only feel high when I can feel you in my palm
A shot of self-esteem
But the strangest thing
You keep whispering

I have yet to find a mitten that fits
But I'll be damned if I fail

I stole a factory-folded golden polo
Bought a bottle of bronzer
But not the aloe
No shit, I'll avoid the sun if I can help it
I dug a tunnel to God but gave up halfway
Got a mouthful of worms
But kept my stomach empty
No shit, I will curse and spit if I can help it

But the strangest thing
I keep whispering

I have yet to find a mitten that fits
But I'll be damned if I fail