Twisted Oak - Not Okay Lyrics

(I am not okay)
(It is not my day)
(I can't find a way)
(To make it through this pain)

I swear I'm trying my best
I'm trying to get rest
Waking up feeling like I never slept
Let me tell you something
Sick of these assumptions
That you have an idea of my mind's constructions
You don't even know where I've been these days
Don't know what kind of things I've been into these days
Don't know what kind of girls I've been f*cking these days
So don't think your hate only goes one way

I am not okay
It is not my day
I can't find a way
To make it through this pain
I am not okay
I am not okay

Don't tell me how I just have to pay attention
To all of the positive things that you mention
I don't give a f*ck about what makes you smile
'Cause that shit's subjective and it's been a while
Since I've been hopeful
Since I've known love
Since I felt like I just might be enough
Can anyone hear me
Is anyone near me
Let me try to say these words perfectly clearly

I am not okay
It is not my day
I can't find a way
To make it through this pain
I am not okay
I am not okay

Maybe I'll make it 'till May
Celebrate twenty-three
I'll just stand up and say
Cheers to the past eight years of depression
Anxiety induced constant self-rejection
Hating my home
Feeling alone
Not knowing which thought will break all of my bones
Couldn't care less about sticks and the stones
'Cause pain is the one thing that I've always known
It's hard to admit
I just want to quit
But I try to take time
Take a breath
Chill a bit
Lately it seems like
The ones that I love
Are the ones who are hurting
'Cause they've had enough
I almost feel guilty when I let them in
Think their lack of help is the root of their sin
But I promise you being there is all I need
As long as I'm heard
As long as they see

(I am not okay, not okay, not okay)
I am not okay
It is not my day
(I can't find a way, find a way, find a way)
I can't find a way
To make it through this pain
(I am not okay, not okay, not okay)
I am not okay
(I can't find a way, find a way, find a way)
I am not okay

The other day I found a letter
To the one that got away
Full of all these words
That I wish I could say
Honestly, I still love you and miss you
We never had to worry 'bout having trust issues
I never thought twice about the spark
'Cause every day was just as good as the spark
But I f*cked up and left
'Cause distance is best
At taking something beautiful
And making it a mess
But I take responsibility
I lost the ability
I hated myself
I became a liability
I knew you had anxiety
You knew it was inside of me
But shit was okay
When you were laying right beside of me
Now the sheets are cold
I'm wearing chains of gold
'Cause I got it pretty good
But this shit is getting old
I just miss you in my life
These words feel like a knife
And the wound's getting deeper
'Cause you should've been my wife
I don't think I can say this while I'm playing my guitar
I don't think I can sing this 'cause the notes are just too far
I gotta just be real with you
I need this off my chest
I know that I've been struggling
I know I'm not my best
Dug myself too f*cking deep
F*cked up just too fall asleep
Rolling that good for the bad, bad pain
Shots down, but I'm down
F*ck I feel the same

(I am not okay, not okay, not okay)
I am not okay
It is not my day
(I can't find a way, find a way, find a way)
I can't find a way
To make it through this pain
(I am not okay, not okay, not okay)
I am not okay
(I can't find a way, find a way, find a way)
I am not okay

(I am not okay, not okay, not okay)
(I can't find a way, find a way find a way)
(I am not okay, not okay, not okay)
(I can't find a way, find a way, find a way)