TIMŌRĀTUS - Christmas Present Crisis Lyrics

"Hello?"
Oh, No!
What am I gonna do?!
I waited too long
I can't find anything
"What?"
"Sorry, Dude you've gotta help me, I can't figure out what to get my wife for Christmas"
"Okay, calm down man, I'll help you out. What does she normally like?"
"I don't know, girl stuff I guess"
"Ah... okay, well you could head to the mall see if you can find something you think she'd like"
"That's a good place to start, thanks man!"
I got a crap car and not a lot a money
I just wanna find something nice for my hunny
I don't wanna be seen as a loser chump
Giving to her some weird ugly lump
I'm so lost I have no idea
What to get as the ultimate present
Shambling
Walking
Gaining my footing
As I enter the gates of the mall
On a quest for a thoughtful gift
"Hey, you get there yet?"
"Yeah, I just got here"
"Okay well.. While your there would you mind picking up a hot candied pecan bag for me?"
"Uh... Alright"
Anyway, I could get her that weird smelling candle
What's it called?
Oh that's right, Badlands National Park
No, I can't stand that scent
I don't want it round
Tainting my nostrils
Looking around the center
Finding all sorts of wares
Maybe the classic fruit cake
What about a fancy gun rack
I could look around a home decor store
Nope
"She likes those Pop figures."
"There's so many of those dang things"
"I know, right!"
"What does she nerd out over?"
"Well"
There's Ducktales, Sailor Moon and Batman too
There's Blade Runner, Princesses and Five Nights too
With so many toys to get
Can it really be this hard?
To find the perfect gift
They tell me how to love her
To buy her shiny things
I really really really like this pink diamond ring
Cute cat ear headphones
I could go in another direction
Get something for myself that would also be for her
"That sounds like a good idea, like what?"
Get a nicely tailored suit
Try on some nice gurl pants
Pic with me and Santa
What am I going to get
What am I going to give
What am I going to gift
For my
Significant
Other
"The Mall is now closing, please take your final purchases to the counter and get out"
"No! There's gotta be more time!"
"I love you hunny bunny and I'm so happy to spend Christmas with you"
"Hunny... I've gotta confess... I didn't get you anything for Christmas. I couldn't find anything you'd like"
"Oh hunny, I couldn't find you anything either"
"So... what'd you get your parents?"