TheOnlyBonaducci - Johan's Eyes Lyrics

For you guys who don't know me
My mother was in prison
And I never met my dad
My grandma born Johan Snowden
Married Johan Johnson
She kept her last name
She was my grandma my grandpa my mom
My dad my confidant my therapist
My protector everything in one
So if I could see her if I could look her in
Her eyes one more time
I'd probably break down and cry
You feel me

It's been 11 12 years
The time just fly by And
October 31st I'll never forget that night
2011 That's when she took her last breath
(Wavy turn it up)

If I could look my grandma in her eyes
For one more second
I'd tell her her firstborn granddaughter
Learned to calm her reckless
It took me years in therapy to see how
I projected
On all the people in my orbit

I thought I respected
Not my intention but the impact
Cannot be ignored
I ran some off some left on they own
Loved the ones who forged
On past through all my walls
They picked up when I called
Loved on all my flaws Ain't had no tail
But to this day they still my dawg

I cry the tears of giants
Teardrops got me drowning dying
Express my pain I vocalize it
Naysayers think I'm crying
But they don't understand if I don't talk
Ducci gone' be sliding
Ducci gone' be wildin'
She no longer choose to be silent
It's not the world and no one else
It's demons I keep fighting
I get some sleep but things I see on repeat
Got me sighing
How do I put these thoughts to rest?
I always try my best
But I'm getting shot attacked no armor
I ain't got no vest

These curses on me from past generations
I feel I'm vexed
My sister best friend heart stopped beating
But why I feel I'm next?
I can't withstand this anxious feeling
Tightness in my chest
Every night I take my pills to help me
I just want to know how it feels to be healthy
Before I go
I pray that I'm at peace and I'm wealthy
I don't want to take none of the earthly

Stuff when God collect me
Cause I know it could come
Sooner than later I'm good right now
In my vision I'm much greater
Peer support I give Careers here
Got no time for a hater
Ex-girlfriend took her life nightmares come
And I still can't save her
Loved ones plus my therapist Inside feel
Still I'm not safer

I just want to call my grandma phone
She picks up but she gone and
She never coming back
If I knew at 13 that this would be my life
I'd go back running a four flat
I just want to call my grandma phone
She picks up but she gone and
She never coming back
If I knew at 13 that this would be my life
I'd go back running a four flat

If I could look my grandma in her eyes
For one more second
I'd tell her her firstborn granddaughter
Learned to calm her reckless
It took me years in therapy to see how
I projected
On all the people in my orbit

I thought I respected
Not my intention but the impact
Cannot be ignored
I ran some off some left on they own
Loved the ones who forged
On past through all my walls
They picked up when I called
Loved on all my flaws Ain't had no tail
But to this day they still my dawg

Johan's eyes Johan's eyes
She faced the world all on her own
Them demons she would fight
Halloween for me not too much fun
For me That's a hard night I won't lie
That's the last time I got to look in
Johan's eyes and now
If she could see me I know that
She would be surprised
At how her firstborn grandbaby
Learned to grow and she can fly
Phoenix how she tend to rise
Regardless she gone shine
And when I die I pray to God
That by then I got Johan's eyes