I'm 23 now
And I just had my first birthday without you
It's been a crazy year in this makeshift reality I've been forced to move through
It's an entirely different world I now have to exist in
So many emotions have been fighting me from within
And physical pain has also been attacking me and winning
It's been winning.
My migraines have come back to torture me as if in competition
With my stress and sadness for which one can bring me more pain
Losing certain friendships add to the strain
Career crossroads add to the strain
Disappointments at home add to the strain
And after each new punch to the gut this new reality brings
I remember that I still don't have my brother by my side
Not in this makeshift timeline
Where he died
Where I cried like I never did cry
Where I quit my job without looking back
Where I started having daily migraine attacks
Where friends I thought would be there for me, weren't
And where I started to see different sides of family members I never wanted to meet
This wasn't the 2024 we celebrated at my new apartment in Atlanta on New Year's Eve
But since then, I've gotten closer to God, to myself, and to my brother
A spiritual awakening I did not foresee
Yet my power was always shining bright inside of me
I've learned a lot this year
I've learned I'm strong enough somehow
I've learned to remain grounded, somehow
And I've learned I'm still blessed
Somehow
Well, the How is evident
God
The Why is what's not always as clear
But I'm here
Sigh
But I still sigh
And wonder why
This has to be a chapter in my life
And I cry
And I write
And I pray
And I believe that in the end, all will be okay
I'm 23 now, and I know you turning me up up there waiting for me at the heavenly gates
So I'ma keep on pushing through these years and birthdays
With you in my heart
And with a smile on my face
I love and miss you always
So much I wanna tell you
So much I wanna tell you
I'm finna write
So much I wanna tell you
So much I wanna tell you
So much I wanna tell you
I'm finna write
So much I wanna tell you
So much
So much I wanna tell you
So much I wanna tell you
Gonna go the park, gonna pray about it
Gonna go to the park
Gonna sing about it
Gonna praise throughout it
Gonna praise throughout it
Cause I'm grateful
Gonna praise throughout it
Gonna praise
Mmm