Stanley Holloway - The Lion and Albert Lyrics

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool
That's noted for fresh air and fun
And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son
A grand little lad were young Albert
All dressed in his best, quite a swell
With a stick with an horse's head handle
The finest that Woolworth's could sell
They didn't think much to the ocean
The waves they were piddlin' and small
There was no wrecks and nobody drowneded
'Fact, nothin' to laugh at at all!
So, seeking for further amusement
They paid, and went into the zoo
Where they'd lions and tigers and camels
And old ale and sandwiches, too
There were one great big lion called Wallace
His nose was all covered with scars
He lay in a somnolent posture
With the side of 'is face on the bars
Now Albert had heard about lions
How they was ferocious and wild
To see Wallace lyin' so peaceful
Well it didn't seem right to the child
So straightway the brave little feller
Not showin' a morsel of fear
Took 'is stick with the horse's head handle
And shoved it in Wallace's ear
You could see that the lion didn't like it
For givin' a kind of a roll
He pulled Albert inside the cage with him
And swallowed the little lad whole!
Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence
And didn't know what to do next
Said "Mother, yon lion's ate Albert!"
And Mother said "Ee, I am vexed"
Then Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom, quite rightly
When all is said and done
Complained to the animal keeper
That the lion had eaten their son
The keeper was quite nice about it
He said "What a nasty mishap
Are you sure that it's your boy he's eaten?"
Pa said, "Am I sure? There's his cap!"
The manager had to be sent for
He came and he said "What's to-do?"
Pa said "Yon lion's ate Albert
And him in his Sunday clothes, too!"
Then Mother said "Right's right, young feller-
I think it's a shame and a sin
For a lion to go and eat Albert
And after we paid to come in"
The manager wanted no trouble
He took out his purse right away
Sayin' "How much to settle the matter?"
Pa says "What do you usually pay?"
But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone
She said "No, someone's got to be summonsed!"
So that was decided upon
Then off they went to the police station
In front of the Magistrate chap
They told him what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing his cap
The Magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name
At that Mother got proper blazin'
"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she-
"What, waste all our lives raisin' children
To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"