Speedy Justice - Between the Vomit and Nod Lyrics

I cried after my first broken heart
My teenage tears fell on my bed sheets
Took comfort in the needle
And the razor blade, sorrow in the song
I cried like a TV melodrama
Then things changed
I won't get in to it much
Stuff that shouldn't be was made plain to me
I understood what most never have to know
And it was 30 years no tears
No tears for 30 years
Just action and sleep, action and sleep
And I conquered the dragons surrounding me
I put lead where they told me to aim
Collect the money and the people
Treated my one track brain
Just the same
I held down the child inside of me
Became the father beating blind
I suffered the child within me
Leaving mercy and love behind
30 years I didn't cry
But I should have to be human
I wasn't a machine, I was a fortress
My purpose to gain and fill
No need for my will just obey
The voice with the next day planned
The straight way for a man
Walking toward the gold and the trim
And one night between the haze and the shakes
Between the vomit and nod
I remembered it all maybe it was a god
Or a lower demon giving clarity
A purloined stolen gift for me
I remembered the slaves and the desperate
Begging and ripping, running out of time
I remembered all the signs
Telling me to show mercy might happen to me someday
And I stuck to the crooked wide path
Giving no quarter showing no weakness
I remembered it all
And still no tears came
Then the child in me raised its arms to me
Pick me up it said, thin as a rail pushed down my my heart
And my ribcage, trapped in the dark lifting its arms toward the sky
Calling me daddy, momma, begging help
Still I did not cry
I wished those arms a timely death held my breath
To starve it from air
And then from somewhere lightning flashed
Far from me the boom rattled just a second later
And my eyes clouded with water
Washing clean ears ringing I cried like a melodrama
For all the was holy and vanquished in me
For those I longed to see
For that which conquered me
Cried like to never forget