Airport Song Lyrics

(Performed by Ticket Agents)


[Jack Singer] - SPOKEN
When can I get the next direct flight to Vegas?

[Male Ticket Agent] - SPOKEN
Next Thursday.

[Jack Singer] - SPOKEN
Next Thursday! Are you insane?

[Male Ticket Agent] - SPOKEN
Not to worry sir! We can get you there.

[Jack Singer] - SPOKEN
You can.

[Male Ticket Agent]
We can put you on the 9:15 to Honolulu
Then to *laughs nervously*
Atlanta
Then on to Vegas
For Wednesday morning
Eight thousand bucks

[Jack Singer] - SPOKEN
Eight grand! I don't have a pot to piss in!

[Female Ticket Agent #1]
Or we could put you on the 10:35 to Honolulu
Then to
Atlanta

[Jack Singer] - SPOKEN
No, I don't want to go to Atlanta!

[Female Ticket Agent #1]
Then on to Vegas
Through Cincinnati

[Male Ticket Agent]
Whoops, those sold out!

[Jack Singer] - SPOKEN
Ok, I just need to get to Vegas as quickly and directly as--

[Ticket Agents]
Or we could put you on the midnight flight
That sends you through the night

[Male Ticket Agent]
To Atlanta

[Female Ticket Agent #2]
Then you'll have chili up in Philly

[Male Ticket Agent]
And kielbasa in St. Paul

[Ticket Agents]
Oh, St. Paul

[Female Ticket Agent #1]
Or we could put you on the 8 AM
That goes direct

[Jack Singer] - SPOKEN
YES!

[Female Ticket Agent #1]
To Fairbanks, Alaska

[Ticket Agents]
And once you get to Fairbanks
You not going anywhere at all

La, la, la, la, la (to melody)

[Ticket Agents] - SPOKEN
Have a nice day!