Hell's Greatest Dad
(Andrew Underberg, Sam Haft, Jeremy Jordan, Amir Talai, Erika Henningsen & Kimiko Glenn)
Haha, looks like you could use some help
From the big boss of Hell himself
Check out daddy's glowing reviews on Yelp
(Five stars! Flawless! Greater than great!)
Oh, with the punch of a pentagram
I wap-bam-boom, alakazam
Usually, I charge a sacrificial lamb
But you get the family rate
Thanks, Dad!
Who needs a busboy, now that you've got the chef? (Whoa-oh-oh)
Michelin tasting menu, free à la carte
I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref
Champagne fountains, caviar mountains, that's just to start!
Who's been here since day one?
Who's been faithful as a nun?
Makes you chuckle with an old-timey pun
Your executive producer
That's true!
I'm your guy, your day-to-day
Your chum, your steadfast hotelier
Remember when I fixed that clog today?
I was stuck, thank you sir!
Oh you!
I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond (aw)
You're like the child that I wish that I had
Uh, what?
I care for you, just like a daughter I spawned
Hold on now!
It's a little funny, you could almost call me dad
They say, when you're looking for assistance
It's smart to pick the path of least resistance
Others say, that in your needy hour
There's no substitute for pure angelic power!
Who just happens to also be your blood!
Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud
They say the family you choose is better
What a bunch of losers
Can you butt out of my song?
Your song? I started this!
I'm singing it, I'll finish it!
Oh, you tacky piece of
It's me, yes it's me
I know you were all waiting for me
I'm here, what a gas
Took a while, but I'm present at last
It's me, it's me
Mimzy!
Who?
More Than Anything
(Andrew Underberg, Sam Haft, Jeremy Jordan & Erika Henningsen)
Charlie! You don't understand, Heaven never listens
They didn't listen to me, they won't listen to you
You don't know that!
I do
You didn't know that when I tried this all before
My dreams were too hard to defend
And in the end, I won't lose it all again
Now you're the only thing worth fighting for
More than anything, more than anything
I'll shelter and adore you more than anything
Dad, I don't need you to protect me from this
I just don't want you to be crushed by them like-
Like I was
Dad
When I was young, I didn't really know you at all
I always felt so small
But I heard your stories and I was enthralled
The tales about your lofty dreams, I listened breathlessly
Imagining it could be me
So in the end, it's the view I had of you
That showed me dreams can be worth fighting for
More than anything, more than anything
I need to save my people more than anything
I've been dyin' to find out who you are
I've been waiting, wanting the same thing
Looks like the apple doesn't fall far
Took you a while
I've missed that smile
All that I'm hopin', now that my eyes are open
Is that we can start again, not be pulled apart again
'Cause in the end, you are part of who I am
I'll support your dream, whatever lies in store
And who could ask for more?
More than anything, more than anything
More than anything, more than anything
I'm grateful you're my daughter (father) more than anything
More than anything
Welcome To Heaven
(Andrew Underberg, Sam Haft, Darren Criss, Shoba Narayan & Patina Miller)
Dearly beloved, it is my pleasure to say unto thee
Welcome to Heaven, oh-oh
Where the virtuous reside 24/7, oh-oh
People are happy that they died
'Cause here we got no worries, got no burglaries, no strife
It's the perfect afterlife
Welcome to Heaven, oh-oh
Check out our sick decor, the spirits leaven, oh!
Please keep your brimstone off the floor
We've got the best and brightest, the politest of the lot
And everyone is hot
Gosh, I'm so pleased to show some outsiders around
After you see our realm, you'll never wanna go back down
Of course, it is just temporary
I'm sorry you can't stay
'Cause every single day in Heaven is a happy day
Welcome to Heaven, yeah
You Didn't Know
(Andrew Underberg, Sam Haft, Erika Henningsen, Shoba Narayan, Patina Miller, Jessica Vosk & Stephanie Beatriz)
But she was right, Sera
She showed us a soul can improve
He saw the light, Sera
Checked all the boxes that you said would
Prove a person deserves a second chance
Now we turn our backs, no second glance?
It's not as simple as you think
Not everything is spelled in ink
It's not fair, Sera
Careful, Charlie, keep a cool head
No! Don't you care, Sera?
That just because someone is dead, it doesn't
Mean they can't resolve to change their ways
Turn the page, escape infernal blaze
I'm sure you wish it could be so
But there's a lot that you don't know
What are we even talkin' about?
Some crack-whore who f*cked up already?
He blew his shot, like the cocks in his mouth
This discussion is senseless and petty
There's no question to be posed
He's unholy, case closed
Did you forget that Hell is forever?
A man only lives once, we'll see you in one month
Gotta say, I can't wait to
Adam
Come down and exterminate you
Wait!
Shit
What are you saying? Let me get this straight
You go down there and kill those poor souls?
You didn't know?
Whoops
Guess the cat's out of the bag
What's the big deal?
Sera, tell me that you didn't know
I thought, since I'm older
It's my load to shoulder
No!
You have to listen, it was such a hard decision
I wanted to save you, the anguish it takes to
Do what was required
To think that I admired you, well
I don't need your condescension
I'm not a child to protect
Was talk of virtue just pretension?
Was I too naive to expect you
To heed the morals you're purveying?
That's what the f*ck I've been saying!
If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie (Emily!)
If angels can do whatever, and remain in the sky
The rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say
When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again
I was told not to trust in angels
By her?
Ha! She should know
We should go
No! Don't you see? We've come so close
Look at them fighting, they're at each other's throats
Don't you act all high and mighty
Did you ever think your little girlfriend might be a liar?
Don't, Adam please
What's the fuss?
Why hide the fact that you're an angel just like us?