Beetlejuice the Musical Album Lyrics

---

Prologue: Invisible

(Sophia Anne Caruso, Alex Brightman & Beetlejuice)

Daylight come and me wan' go

(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)

In times like these, we have no words
We have only each other
Today we come together to mourn the passing of Emily Deetz
Devoted wife of Charles
Beloved mother to Lydia
Scripture tells us
"Sorrow not, for we do not walk alone."

You're invisible when you're sad
Clocks tick and phones still ring
The world carries on like mad
But nobody sees a thing

Whispering behind their hands
Lost for kind words to say
Nobody understands
Then everyone goes away

Grownups wanna fix things
When they can't it only fills them with shame
So they just look away
Is it being greedy to need somebody to see me
And say my name?

Seems when you lose your mom
No one turns off the sun
Folks carry on, that's that
You're invisible when you're sad

Holy crap, a ballad already?
And such a bold departure from the original source material

---

The Whole Being Dead Thing

(Alex Brightman & Beetlejuice)

Hey, folks! Begging your pardon
Excuse me! Sorry to barge in
Now let's skip the tears and start on the whole
Y'know
Being dead thing

You're doomed! Enjoy the singing
The sword of Damocles is swinging
And if I hear your cell-phone ringing
I'll kill you myself
The whole being dead thing

Death can get a person stressed
"We should have carpe'd way more diems
Now we're never gonna see 'em!"
I can show you what comes next
So don't be freaked
Stay in your seats
I do this bullshit, like, eight times a week
So just relax, you'll be fine
Drink your fifty-dollar wine
And take a breath

Welcome to a show about death

You're
You're gonna be fine
On the other side
Die! You're all gonna die! You're all gonna die

I'll
I'll be your guide
To the other side

Oh, and full disclosure, it's a show about death

Everybody gets on fine here
Like Rodgers, Hart, and Hammerstein here
The women's bathroom has no line here
Just, pee where you want
The whole being dead thing
You're just gonna love the folks here
Yeah, I know you're woke, but you can take a joke here
And every show I do, like, a ton of coke here

The whole
The whole being dead thing

Nobody is bullet-proof!
"I work out", "I eat clean"
Jesus, pass the Dramamine
Time to face the brutal truth
'Cause we're all on a hitlist
Might not live 'til Christmas
Choke to death on Triscuits
Hey, that's just statistics
So take a little break here
Kinda like a wake here
The scenery is fake here
But there's a giant snake here

Welcome to a show about death

You're
You're gonna be fine
Thank you
On the other side
How you doin'?
Whoa, not good
Da-bot-ba-be-be-bap-bap

I'll
Hey, I'll be your guide
To the other side
Seriously, though, this is a show about

Death is taboo, but it's hardly something new
There's nothing medical professionals can do
'Cept maybe just bill you

If you die while listening to this album
It's still gonna keep playing

There's no destiny or fate
Just a terrifying wait
Filled with people that you hate
And on a certain date, the universe kills you

That's the thing with life
No one makes it out alive
Toss that body in the pit
"Gosh, it's awful, ain't it tragic?"
"Blah, blah, Bible, Jesus magic"
When you're dead, who gives a shit?
No Pilates, no more yoga
'Namaste", you freakin' posers

From the cradle to cremation
Death just needs a little conversation
I have mastered the art (Dies Irae)
Of tearing convention apart (Dies Irae)

So, how about we all make a start (Dies Irae)
On the whole being dead thing

Oh God, I hope you're ready for a show about death

---

Ready Set, Not Yet

(Rob McClure, Kerry Butler & Alex Brightman)

Look at this crib
In all of its glorious antiquary
Every curve and surface speaks to me
Saying pamper and spoil me
Sand me and oil me
Come on
I know to the untrained eye it's boring
But nothing's a chore when you're restoring
Apart from frustration, pain, and financial drain
It's fun

Folks say, "Adam
Why do you polish your crib when you don't have a kid?
And even if you did have a kid
This crib is too precious for placing a baby inside it
So it simply exists to remind you
Your sense of perfection is just a reflection
That you are not mentally prepared to make room for a kid
Adam, why don't you live?
Adam, just make a start"
Are you willing to take the next step?
Ready, set
Ready, set

Look at these jugs

Amazingly glazed and terracotta-ery
I took some clay and made you pottery
The world will never wreck you
I'll protect you in a mother's embrace

Folks say, "Barbara
Why can't you see that ceramics is simply a manifestation of motherly panic
By making a baby that's breakable
Aren't you creating a way of translating the terror of making maternal mistakes into clay
Hiding away so you don't have to face being a bad mom
Barbara
That's what you've done, Barbara
Just make a start"
Are you willing to take the next step?
Ready, set

Here we stand
At the end of a ten year plan
A house
A yard
A minivan
A baby should be next
Together let's leap off the cliff
Fall forever, then smash to bits
Trapped in a terrifying viper pit
Of diapers and regret
Are we willing to take the next step?

Ready, set
Ready, set
Not yet
Not yet
Why rush?
Why rush?

Soon enough, our hopes and our dreams will be crushed
But not yet
Not yet
Not now
Not now

Oh?
No
See?
We can't start a family in a house with creaky floorboards

You are absolutely right
Let's add it to the list
With the cracks in the plaster
The Wi-Fi should be faster
This sofa needs a castor
The bathroom's a disaster
What about global poverty?
What about world peace?
Then there's the whole darn economy
The whole Middle East
We should learn Mandarin
Yeah
Or Spanish at least
No habla eespañol
Dos cervezas por favor

And that's all we got
And that's not a lot
Do we want a bilingual household or not?

So let's go slow
No breaking a sweat
What's the point of having children
If we're drowning in debt?

Yeah, we're totally
Completely
Maybe eighty percent
I'd say seventy-eight

Ready to take
The next step (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
The next step (zooby dooby dooby, dooby dop and bow)
The next step (zweeby, beeby, boo-bah-bah-dee)
The next step
We're ready, set let's

See I wasn't kidding
It's a show about death

---

The Whole Being Dead Thing, Pt. 2

(Alex Brightman, Kerry Butler, Rob McClure & Beetlejuice)

Ready? Okay

Hi, I'll be your guide
I'll be your G-U-I-D-E to the other side
Don't go to the Netherworld
Netherworld?
Did I say Netherworld? Never mind
I'm the B-to-the-double-E-J-F-U
And Jesus, I can't spell

Hi, He'll be your guide
He'll be your G-U-I-D-E to the other side

Let's all get naked
No
Ah, worth a try
I'm B-to-the-double-E-T-L-E to the J-U-I-C-E
Yeah

What is happening?
I understand that it's a lot to process
But the good news is you and your spouse
Died in your own house
That gives you clout
That means the two of you should stick around

Lucky for you I dropped by
Yeah, you seem like nice guys
A little on the Pottery Barn and dry white wine side
As for me, I've been scaring for millennia
I'm the bio-exorcist
Giving houses enemas
Flush out all the breathers
You can breathe easier
Stick with me
I'm like a ghost-zombie Jesus
Ghost-zombie Jesus

And I do it for the love of it
Money? Ah, who gives a shit?
I think we're a perfect fit
Come on, let's make out a bit

Yeah
Dead

It's the perfect day to die
'Cause this guy happened to be passing by
To give you control of your soul
Through the whole being dead thing (whoa)

The whole being dead thing
Oh yeah

---

Dead Mom

(Sophia Anne Caruso & Beetlejuice)

Hey mom, dead mom
I need a little help here
I'm probably talking to myself here
But dead mom, I gotta ask
Are you really in the ground?
'Cause I feel you all around me
Are you here, dead mom?
Dead mom

Dead mom
I'm tired of trying to iron out my creases
I'm a bunch of broken pieces
It was you who made me whole
Every day dad's staring at me
Like all "hurry up get happy
Move along
Forget about your mom"

'Cause daddy's in denial
Daddy doesn't wanna feel
He wants me to smile
And clap like a performing seal
Ignored it for a while
But daddy's lost his mind for real
You won't believe the mess that we've become

You're my home
My destination
And I'm your clone
Your strange creation
You held my hand
And life came easy
Now jokes don't land
And no one sees me
Nothing seems to fit
Mama, is this it?
Are you receiving?
I want something to believe in

Or I'm done
Take me where my soul can run
Or I'll be in my bedroom
Wake me when I'm twenty one
Daddy's moving forward
Daddy didn't lose a mom

Mama won't you send a sign?
I'm running out of hope and time
A plague of mice, a lightning strike
Or drop a nuclear bomb

No more playing daddy's game
We'll go insane if things don't change
Whatever it takes to make him say your name
Dead mom

---

Fright of Their Lives

(Alex Brightman, Rob McClure, Kerry Butler & Beetlejuice)

Okay
Listen up, I'm not gonna lie
Right now, you couldn't frighten a fly
Or scare a seagull off of a fry
You ever stop to ask yourselves "why?"

Both of you are super polite
Middle class, suburban, and white
Well, all of that is finished tonight
Except for the white part
Obviously

Take your places
I want scary faces
Now go
Bigger
Further
Harder
Not bad

Sever a head
Preferably someone you know

Look at me, I'm so scary (go)

Don't be so vanilla
Would a little anger kill ya?
Come on, drop your panties
I'm trying to fill you
With wisdom and skill
And the instinct to kill

Again, we do not want to kill anyone

Fine
But somehow, someway
You gotta make 'em see ya'
I'm talkin' jumpscares
The jerky Japanese ghost-walk
Plus
Learn to throw your voice
Fool your friends
Fun at parties
Now that is cool
I wanna do that

Whatever it takes to make 'em go crazy
Raising stakes by punching a baby
Scare 'em awake 'til they break
They'll be quaking in fright

'Cause you've got some evil deep down inside you
Put all the farmer's markets behind you
You gotta work
Gotta haunt 'til it hurts
Through the night
And give those guys the fright of their lives
Yeah yeah

Let's start with things that you hate
Well, hate's a very strong word
Perhaps when people are late
Or getting pooped on by birds
No, what fills you with rage?
Being mean to a pet
Chefs who use too much sage when they make beurre noisette
Over-glutinous food
Or when kids call me "dude"
Oh, I find that so rude

Well, there's lots there to use
Take a deep breath
And give me your best primal scream

Ah!
Barbara, that was brilliant
Really?
Try it again
Maybe this time pretend like you mean it
Ah!
That was even better
Thanks

I want freedom
But to get my freedom I need 'em
To get a living person to say my name

Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse?

I know that beggars can't be choosers
But do they have to be such losers?
Both of them are deathly dull and lame

Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse

Why God, slash Satan, did you send these bedwetters?
Even, like, a tax attorney would've been better
Somebody with gravitas
Somebody to fear who

Excuse me, Mr. Betelgeuse
We can kind of hear you
Yeah?
Well that was a soliloquy, so you're the one who's being rude

Whatever it takes to make 'em go crazy
Turn all the lights on
Dress like a baby
Adam, I don't even, no
Get your heads in the game
Let's hide their phones
Screw their phones
Ugh, these dopes are both hopeless
How will I ever survive?
Unless they get the fright of their lives
(Yes yes, we're feelin' it, they'll never deal with it, we're killin' it)
They gotta get the fright of their lives
(We're scary, very very scary)
They'll never get the fright of their lives
(Yeah)
Ugh

---

Ready Set (Reprise)

(Rob McClure & Kerry Butler)

Look at this crib
In all of its glorious antiquary
Every curve and surface speaks to me
Saying pamper and spoil me
Sand me and oil me
Come on
I know to the untrained eye it's boring
But nothing's a chore when you're restoring
Apart from frustration, pain, and financial drain
It's fun

Folks say, "Adam
Why do you polish your crib when you don't have a kid?
And even if you did have a kid
This crib is too precious for placing a baby inside it
So it simply exists to remind you
Your sense of perfection is just a reflection
That you are not mentally prepared to make room for a kid
Adam, why don't you live?
Adam, just make a start"
Are you willing to take the next step?
Ready, set
Ready, set

Look at these jugs

Amazingly glazed and terracotta-ery
I took some clay and made you pottery
The world will never wreck you
I'll protect you in a mother's embrace

Folks say, "Barbara
Why can't you see that ceramics is simply a manifestation of motherly panic
By making a baby that's breakable
Aren't you creating a way of translating the terror of making maternal mistakes into clay
Hiding away so you don't have to face being a bad mom
Barbara
That's what you've done, Barbara
Just make a start"
Are you willing to take the next step?
Ready, set

Here we stand
At the end of a ten year plan
A house
A yard
A minivan
A baby should be next
Together let's leap off the cliff
Fall forever, then smash to bits
Trapped in a terrifying viper pit
Of diapers and regret
Are we willing to take the next step?

Ready, set
Ready, set
Not yet
Not yet
Why rush?
Why rush?

Soon enough, our hopes and our dreams will be crushed
But not yet
Not yet
Not now
Not now

Oh?
No
See?
We can't start a family in a house with creaky floorboards

You are absolutely right
Let's add it to the list
With the cracks in the plaster
The Wi-Fi should be faster
This sofa needs a castor
The bathroom's a disaster
What about global poverty?
What about world peace?
Then there's the whole darn economy
The whole Middle East
We should learn Mandarin
Yeah
Or Spanish at least
No habla eespañol
Dos cervezas por favor

And that's all we got
And that's not a lot
Do we want a bilingual household or not?

So let's go slow
No breaking a sweat
What's the point of having children
If we're drowning in debt?

Yeah, we're totally
Completely
Maybe eighty percent
I'd say seventy-eight

Ready to take
The next step (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
The next step (zooby dooby dooby, dooby dop and bow)
The next step (zweeby, beeby, boo-bah-bah-dee)
The next step
We're ready, set let's

See I wasn't kidding
It's a show about death

---

No Reason

(Leslie Kritzer & Sophia Anne Caruso)

The universe
Is more than just space with no end
La-la-la-la-la
Just think of the universe as a female best friend
And you can be like
"Hey, Universe, what's happening, girl?"
And she'll be like
"Oh, nothing, just running the world"
And you'll be like "What?"
And the universe will be like "I know!"
You're on the right track, girl
I got your back, girl
I'm helping you grow
Think positive
Act positive
You are a child of the Earth

Life-coaching
Nailing it

Time to take command
You dictate the hand
The universe deals
Look
Science makes no sense
Who needs evidence?
Go with your feels
I'm like a radio
Tuned to the stars
I found my frequency
Crystals speak to me

What are they saying?
Buy more crystals

Everything, everything happens for a reason
Be a beacon of light in the world
Put a little alright in the world
There are spiritual guides above
Look up and see 'em
Perception is reality
Just listen to the melody the universe sings
'Cause everything, everything happens for a reason

Gee, I hate to break it to you
The universe is just the contents of time, matter and space
Yeah
Ninety-one billion light-years across and the Earth's a small place
Where good people die
No
Yeah

In famine and wars
The Pacific Islands are sinking
But negative thinking is hardly the cause
You think life is all unicorns and rainbows 'cause you're bored
And positivity is a luxury that few can afford

We're gonna die
Yes, you and I
In meaninglessness and alone

No no no
No
One day you may wake up alone
Okay?
'Cause your husband and his boyfriend bought a boat
And then they sailed away to Rome
That's specific

So you cry yourself to sleep in deep despair
Talking to the walls 'cause there's no one there
And you have to buy a cat
'Cause that's your last chance to have a family
Take it from me
That your aging ass will have to believe that

Everything, everything happens for a reason
Put some more fun in the world
A little "I am still young" in the world
Be prepared to take your eggs and freeze 'em
Is this still about me?

'Cause everything, everything happens
Sounds like terrible things can happen
Because the universe is random
Yes, but
Random for a reason

(No reason)

---

Invisible (Reprise) / On the Roof

(Alex Brightman & Sophia Anne Caruso)

You're invisible when you're me
There's no one to see my truth
If they could look up they'd see
"Hey, somebody's on the roof"

God, it's mortifying
What's the point of even trying?
'Cause now
I'm trapped with no escape
Banished, disavowed
I vanished like a cloud of dirty hipster vape

Nobody said life's fair
Guess they will never see
The demon who isn't there
You're invisible when you're
Me

Whoa, what do we got here?

By the time you read this
I, Lydia Deetz, will be gone
There's nothing for me here
I'm alone, forsaken, invisible

That makes two of us
Who the hell are you?
Can you
See me?!
Yeah
You can see me

I'm gonna have a new best friend

---

Say My Name

(Alex Brightman, Sophia Anne Caruso, Kerry Butler & Rob McClure)

You could use a buddy
Don't you want a pal?
(Yes I do! Yes I do)
Girl, the way I see it
Your daddy should be leavin'
And you should stick around

(And kill him!)
What?
Nothing

So, Lydia, don't end yourself
Defend yourself
Daddy is the one you should maim
Together we'll exterminate, assassinate
No

The finer points can wait
But first you gotta say my name

Go ahead and jump but that won't stop him
Here you got a solid plan B option
I can bring your daddy so much pain
All you gotta do is say my name
Girl, just say it three times in a row
And you won't believe how far I'll go
I'm on the bench, but coach
Just put me in the game
All you gotta do is say my name

I don't know your name
Well, I can't say it
How 'bout a game of charades?
Yes, let's play it

Two words
Right
Second word
Uh-huh
Drink?
No
Beverage?
No
Wine?
No
Juice?
Yes

Okay
First word
Okay
Bug?
No
Ant?
Close, but no
Beetle?
Yes
Betelgeuse?

Wow, I'm impressed
And all you gotta do is say my name three times
Three times in a row it must be spoken unbroken
Ready?
Yeah
Okay, go

Betelgeuse
Yes
Betelgeuse
Yes
Be
Oh, oh, this is gonna be so good

'Cause
What?
You're so smart
A stand-up bro
I'll think about your offer
Let you know
But I prefer my chances down below

Betelgeuse
Yes
Betelgeuse
Yes
Being young and female doesn't mean that I'm an easy mark
I've been swimming with piranhas
I don't need a shark
Yes, life sucks
But not that much
Okay, Betelgeuse
Betelgeuse
Be a doll and spare the lecture

I'm offering you a full time specter
But are you any good?
You bet'cha
Trust me, baby
I just met ya
Really it's a flattering offer
Don't you wanna see dad suffer?
I think I'd rather just jump off
No
I may be suicidal
But Betelgeuse, it's not as if I've lost my mind

So, playing hardball, huh?
You are tougher than you look
Just wanna make sure I know who I'm working with
Got any references?

Lydia, there you are
Are you alright?
A-Dog, B-Town, my old pals
You, get away from her
Lydia, this is a dangerously unstable individual

Betelgeuse is sexy
Betelgeuse is smart
BJ is a graduate of Juilliard
He can help
We found him on Yelp
Our troubles all ended on the day that we befriended him
Every word is the truth
Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse

What the heck was that?
So violating
There you go, kid
Couple of five-star reviews

What was that?
That was possession
Any ghost can do that in less than one lesson
Any ghost?
Pretty much, any ghost'll do sure
Then, Betelgeuse, what do I need you for?

Woah, woah, woah woah woah
Hold up, hold up, girl, I'm your pal
They're sweet, but I'm a demon straight from Hell
I know, I went a little hard on my sell
But we're BF-F-F-F's forever
Agh

Lydia
What? He was already dead
And you heard what he said, any ghost can do that possession stuff
We don't need that demon
The three of us alone can wreck dad's evening
Together we can make a grown man weep
Guys, I got a dinner date to keep

Okay, so what's the plan?
Teach dad a lesson
He's gonna freak when we possess him
So he wants the perfect daughter
I'll lead that lamb to slaughter
Yeah, I got game

I'm gonna make him say my name
(Make him say your name)
I'll make him say my name
(Make him say your name)
I'll make him say my name
(Make him say your name)
Not running away
I'll make him say my name

---

Day-O (The Banana Boat Song) [Act 1 Finale]

(Leslie Kritzer, Adam Dannheisser, Sophia Anne Caruso, Kerry Butler, Rob McClure, Alex Brightman, Danny Rutigliano, Jill Abramovitz, Beetlejuice & Ramone Owens)

Day o! Day o!
Daylight come and me wanna go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day o
Daylight come and me wanna go home

Work all night on a drink a rum
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)
Stack banana till the morning come
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)

Come mister tally man tally me banana
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)
Come mister tally man tally me banana
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)

Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)

Day, me say day o
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)

A beautiful bunch of ripe banana
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)
Hide the deadly black tarantula
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)

Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)

Day, me say day o
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)

Come mister tally man tally me banana
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)
Come mister tally man tally me banana
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)

Day! Day o!
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day o
(Daylight come and me wanna go home)

---

Girl Scout

(Dana Steingold, Sophia Anne Caruso & Beetlejuice)

This is it
The day I've been waiting for
Wishing, hoping, working, and praying for
The day my parents have been delaying for years
Ooh, I'm gonna sell some cookies

It's not their fault that they're overprotective
I was born with arrhythmia
My heart is defective
Only take one shock and I could be dead from the fear
Still, I'm gonna sell some cookies

Hike by hike
Song by song
The Girl Scouts helped my heart grow strong
They have my back if anything went wrong with me

Jamborees, soda pop
Distracted from the fact that my heart could stop
From tetralogy of Fallot in my pulmonary artery
Whee!

When you're a Girl Scout
Everything's gonna work out
Even if you're born with congenital heart disease
And you could be killed by a random sneeze

You're a Girl Scout
And everything's gonna work out
Just gonna ring the bell of this creepy looking house

Hello, little girl

Oh, um, yes, um, hi
My name is Sky
And I'm here today to support the Girl Scouts by selling cookies
Four dollars a box
Would you like some?

Sure

Really?

Yeah, what flavors you got?

Well, I've got chocolate, banana
And oat bran, pecan
Samoas and thin mints
And one that tastes like apple pie

Why don't you come inside?

But we're really not supposed to

Why?

Pedophiles

But it's so cold
And you're not mean
And no one gets molested by a gothy teen
So I guess, okay, it's fine

Yeah?

Alright, I'll come inside

It's so dark in here

Is it? I hadn't noticed

Okay, well
Maybe I should come back another time when your parents are home?

Boo!

---

That Beautiful Sound

(Alex Brightman, Sophia Anne Caruso & Beetlejuice)

Do you hear that sound?
That beautiful sound
That is the sound, of clean, white, shorts turning brown
Torture and pain
Breaking a brain (he's so weird)
A sound that says, "I will never sleep well again"

The sound of a scream is music to me
A sound that says, "Fifteen years full-time therapy"
Trauma and fear, it sings in my ear
Ain't it the sweetest noise around?
That beautiful sound

Ooh! Someone's at the door
You wanna answer it this time?
More than anything
Don't oversell it, act natural
Come on, you're giving me advice?

Hello! I'm with the U.S. Census Bureau
Time for a few- oh my God!
Hi
How many people live here?
Just me
Oh, and you?
I don't live here, I'm dead

Panic and stress (panic and stress)
Oh, ain't it the best? (Ain't it the best?)
The sound of a heart (heart)
Exploding inside a chest
It fills you with pride
We're ruining lives
Ain't it the sweetest noise in town?
That beautiful sound

Hey! You know what would make all this even more awesome? (What?)
More me

All we wanna do is hear that sound
All we wanna do is hear that sound
Fellas

All we wanna do is hear that sound
All we wanna do is hear that sound

All we wanna do is hear that sound
All we wanna do is hear that sound

All we wanna do is hear that sound
All we wanna do is hear that sound

Hey, hey everybody
Hey, hey wait, watch

Lydia, watch this
Huh!
Whoa!
Hey!

Hey, nice moves Lydia

Ooh, ooh, somebody's at the door
Hey, alright, let's make some more people scream
(Package for Deetz)
You know overnight delivery costs extra?
What a ripoff

Oh! Okay, okay, okay, haha, okay, go there, shh
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet
(Pizza for Deetz)
Hey, what'd you order?
Pepperoni, mushrooms, and snakes
(Snakes?)

Ugh, holy moly, a lot of people come to this house (shh, shh)
Oh yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry (shh)
Lights!

Hello? New neighbors?
I brought you a pie
It's from the store
Oh, I don't see anything
Hi there! (Ah)

Ahahaha! Hey Lydia, check this out

Dance break

Hey lady, you're forgetting something (my pie!)

Yes, I hear that sound (yes, we do)
That beautiful sound (yes, we do, it's beautiful)

A sound that means
No more condescending adults
Hanging around

Every groan
Each wail and each moan
Adds up to daddy's leaving
Me the hell alone

Hey look at me (we're looking at you, girl)
I'm finally free (you're finally free, girl)
I was invisible (she was invisible)
But now they all see

They're out of my grill
Because of that
Shrill symphony

Ain't it the
Sweetest noise around?
That beautiful sound (that sound)
Sound (that sound)
Sound (that sound)
Sound

That beautiful sound
That beautiful sound
That beautiful sound

That beautiful sound

---

Barbara 2.0

(Kerry Butler & Rob McClure)

Look at this stuff
God, it's depressing

You don't like this stuff?
Barbara, this is our stuff

A shrine to the feelings
We've been repressing

Well, then maybe we should go

Half finished projects
Meaningless objects
Plans I abandoned or quit
It's the stuff of our lives
And all of it's shit

What? Barbara!

Books on computers
A "spin-your-own-yarn" kit?
(Okay, that wasn't as much fun as I thought it'd be)
Home-brewed kombucha
That tasted like armpit
(We are not kombucha people, we did find that out)

Take it and trash it
Burn it or smash it
We have to adapt to survive
We can be fighters
With fire inside us
We're more than detritus
We're finally alive

The Barbara you married
She is dead and buried
Six feet below
And now Barbara the doormat
She's coming back in a new format
Time to let go
Say hello
To Barbara 2.0

I never even used this
And then I felt bad that I never used it

Break it

Barbara, you're right
I think I've been hiding
(I was too, I don't even like pottery)
Stuck out of sight
Like my un-used aluminum siding
(We are not aluminum siding people)

Tragic and static
Trapped in this attic
Now Adam is shedding his skin
No more excuses
We're no longer useless
We've got nothing to lose
We can finally begin

The new Adam is wiser
The old one's fertilizer
It's time to let go
Say hello

I'm tired of doors
To better or more
We could just walk
But we've done that before
What we cannot ignore
Is Lydia needs us

That must be the reason she sees us

Adam, I wanna stay
She needs people who won't run away
Friends who don't stop at problems or obstacles
Not a house
But a home

Ready, set, let's go

Time to let go
'Cause the new upgraded Maitlands
Are charging out the gates and
They're gonna unload
Say hello
To Maitlands 2.0

Maitlands 2.0
Maitlands 2.0

---

What I Know Now

(Leslie Kritzer & Beetlejuice)

I was hot
I went to parties a lot
Y'know?

I was driving Lamborghinis
Sipping super-dry martinis
In the tiniest bikinis on a yacht
But I was depressed, uh
Also completely obsessed
An unhappy beauty queen
Who dreamed to be Miss Argentina
I had such low self-esteem
I was a mess

So I gave it all up for the Netherworld
I've been here forever, girl
If I was more clever, girl
I would've stuck it out
Knowing what life's about

Pain and joy and suffering
Failing but recovering
I'll tell you another thing
Everyone here is alone
So if you are breathing
Go home

If I knew then
What I know now
I would have looked within and let love in somehow
If I only knew
The truth back then
I wouldn't have had my little "accident"

Don't be blind
You left your whole life behind
See a shrink
Call a priest
Ask the recently deceased
Death is final and you cannot press rewind

Don't jump when the light is red
Toasters should be used for bread
Never smoke cigars in bed
Nietzsche was right, y'know, to live is to suffer, bro
Don't cheat on the one you wed
Never whip a thoroughbred
Angry pygmies shrunk his head
Why did it take death to see
Happiness was up to me?

If I knew then
What I know now
I would've laughed and danced
And lanced every sacred cow
I thought I knew
But I was wrong
'Cause life is short
But death is super long

I exploded

If I knew then
(If I knew)
What I know now
I would've crossed every line
And drank all the wine
Before my final bow

If I knew (if I knew)
The things that now I know
I would ride the highs and cherish the lows
Knowing it's a quick trick 'round the rodeo

So before they lower the curtain, be certain to enjoy the show
That's what I know

Life is short but death is long
Here, one minute then it's gone
Thought I knew but I was wrong
If I only knew what I know now

---

Home

(Sophia Anne Caruso, Adam Dannheisser & Beetlejuice)

Mama, I could use some help here
Tired of talking to myself here
Back at home, you don't exist
So here I am in the abyss
Are you really in this place?
It's like the emptiness of space
I could search for all eternity
And never see your face
Help me out
I'm lost without you

Standing
Stuck on this impossible road
No idea which way to go
Whichever path I choose
I lose, you know
And I don't know which way's home
Oh
I don't know which way's home
Oh

You always saw life as a game
But since you left, it sucks to play
I'm beaten up and bruised
Confused by rules that alter every day
Where to next?

You left but I'm still standing
Spinning on this infinite road
Terrified of letting you go
No light above and there's no hope below
And I don't know which way's home
Ma, I got my heart in my hand
Speak to me and I'll understand
One little word to know I'm not alone
And show me the way back home
Oh
Is there a way back home?
Oh

And nothingness ahead of me
Is this the end you meant for me?
Every living minute
There's no home without you in it
I'm falling
Quit stalling
Your daughter is calling your name
I've burned all my bridges and games

Mom?
I don't wanna forget you
I promise
I'm never gonna forget you

I'm gonna go back home
Adam, Barbara, Delia and dad
It's messy but they're all that I have
I'll make the best of being flesh and bone
Mama, I'm going home
Yeah
Mama, I'm going home
Home
I'm going home
Mama, I'm going home

---

Creepy Old Guy

(Sophia Anne Caruso, Alex Brightman, Rob McClure, Kerry Butler, Adam Dannheisser, Beetlejuice & Leslie Kritzer)

Way back when
I was just ten
Simple and sweet
Everywhere
Fellas would stare
Out on the street
And I felt used
Kinda confused
I would refuse to look in their eyes
But now I really love creepy old guys (we all do)

Gum disease
Skin like grilled cheese
Saggy old asses
Saggy old asses
Cute and vile, yellin'
"Hey baby, smile!"
To each girl that passes
They make me blush
Can't get enough
Now one of 'em loves me, wants to be mine (that's right)

Marrying my own creepy old guy
(I'm a creepy old guy!)

My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy
I'm so happy I could cry
Girls may seem disgusted, but we're actually just shy
The creepy old groom
Creepy old groom
Play that wedding tune
Hey folks, step aside
(I am older, but I'm glad I waited)
'Cause here comes the bride
I am marrying my creepy old guy

Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy
She's marrying (my creepy old guy)
Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy

Fix his hair
Get him prepared
For Armageddon
Sure, the groom
Crawled out of a tomb
But hey, hey, it's a wedding

So dim the lights
Pick up some rice
Say something nice
It's my day to shine
I'm getting hitched to my creepy old guy
(It's showtime)

Creepy old guy, creepy old guy
She's marrying a creepy old guy

Have you guys seen Lolita?
This is just like that, but fine

Creepy old dude, creepy old dude
Our faith has been renewed
Now love is alive

Wave your baby girl goodbye
I am walking down the aisle
I wanna see a tear in every eye as I pass by
I know that on the outside, he's disgusting
And even on the inside, he's disgusting
But I know that this time, I'm making it right
(Making it right, making it right)
With my family by my side

Oh yeah! woo-hoo
Oh, this is fun, I don't really dance usually but-
A dance break on an album? Amazing

O-M-G
Dressed to a "T"
Fancy and formal
I found me a wife
L'chaim! To life
This is so normal
I was ignored
But now, I'm adored
'Cause I extorted, tortured, and lied
Give it up for my underage bride

Here comes the bride
Here comes the bride
God be glorified

I can't believe some cultures think this kind of thing's alright

My creepy old guy
My creepy old guy
Doesn't he deserve a chance at life?
(Oh yeah, that's right)
Yeah, that's right

Let's make him alive
I am marrying my creepy old guy

Guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy
Guy, guy

(I have chills)

Yeah