Welcome down here to the pits
Where everything you eat gives you the shits
And there ain't no shelter from the cold
And as soon as you're born you're growing old
And the sun that shines just burns your eyes
And the wind that blows keeps telling lies
And the grass is brown and cuts your feet
And bugs are the only meat
It feels so good to feel so mean
Put chewing gum in a magazine
And thumb your nose at optimism
And cheer for every cataclysm
It's good to see unhappiness
From deep down here within the pits
Where we can share my misery
After all I got my own for free
When you're down here you are alone
There ain't no signal on your telephone
But if you want some company
You can always find an enemy
If you take a walk you won't get far
Before you get hit by a car
And if you see a pile of dog shit
Somehow you will still step in it
There's room for you down here with me
Drowning happiness in misery
And painting every color gray
And finding hate in every day
And sneering every time we smile
I'm glad you're here now stay a while
I sure could use the company
And the pits is the place to be