Recently Decent - Honesty Lyrics

One, two, three, four
My thoughts are sick they're twisted
Like a ball of threaded string
I try hard to unravel them
But Can't think anything
I wish I knew how to open up my scars
I want to hear your story
Why you ran into the sun
Or why you told me to my face
That you were out of time
But I can't seem to force myself to take my headphones off
Oh and if I try and seek you
Will I know what to say to reach you
I'm too focused tryna undo myself
Cuz I waited for hours
For you to reply to me
But I got so in my feelings
When you sent it I didn't read
Guess I made my love for you a victim of neglect
Cuz I know I've been using you
To make myself be burned
There's no feeling in my lyrics
There's no meaning in my words
I need someone to hurt me to justify my lie
Oh and if I try and seek you
Will I know what to say to reach you
I'm too focused tryna undo myself
Cuz people like me when I'm honest
But I don't like me if I'm being honest
I wish I could go back to the start
But I'll just make the same mistakes again
Never knowing what I want until it ends
Oh
I recognize my patterns but I can't let go
So kill me then screw everyone I've ever known
Oh
Sometimes when I'm lonely
I think of my regret
About how I should've opened up
But I let it hurt instead
I wonder if I'll ever get to look you in the eye
My feet just keep on moving
Though I'm willing them to stop
Cuz every night and morning
I'm still frozen at the thought
That I just make up trauma so I feel victimized