Question Mark - Kate Lyrics

I've been in a state, in a state of mind
I've been in the way, in the way of time
Don't ask me where my smile has gone
I've been holding on so tightly, that's when
Fake thoughts all in my mind torment me
I've been drained all day, I'll decline, forgive me
I'mma stay all lonely inside, don't miss me
Please don't pay no mind to me, I'm fine with
Pushing people away
I'm stuck inside my bed
I'm pushing people away
I've got you all on read
I'm pushing people away
Pushing people away
Yea, I was fine in my mind but there's clearly something wrong
I've been tryin' to describe my experiences through songs
Why was I thinking I was deserving of some more love
While I've been stuck between two thoughts like
"Ain't y'all got me?" and "Stay away" take the pain away
I've been Kratos godly, war is all in my brain, I'm all that's to blame
Toxic traits, they teeter totter. I'm tiptoeing between Peter Parker and Venom
Wait 'til you meet the author of the book that you judge when you see the cover
I'm a weaker Arthur, a Joker who could never pull out a weapon or receive the honor
With my queen's departure
My rainbow's lately been dead in the spectrum and in need of color
I was it until I clowned around twice and got 2 Ls like how you read balloon
I wish I was penny wise, smart with the dime I said would rule my life
I've been in a state, in a state of mind
I've been in the way, in the way of time
Don't ask me where my smile has gone,
I've been holding on so tightly
Fake thoughts all in my mind torment me
I've been drained all day, I'll decline, forgive me
I'mma stay all lonely inside, don't miss me
Please don't pay no mind to me, I'm fine with
Pushing people away
I'm stuck inside my bed
I'm pushing people away
I've got you all on read
I'm pushing people away
Pushing people away
I'm pushing people away
I've got you all on read
Who was I to think that I was deserving of something more?