Queakyo - nothing Lyrics

Always grew up sad, never really knew why
They told me I was different
I already knew I
Wasn't f*cking normal
Maybe I should've used prettier words or maybe I should've smiled or acted like a child
My mummy always told me that I was really special
And that's why everyone hates me 'cause I'm on the spectrum
Retarded enough to be target
Diagnosed and I realized that

Thirteen's an unlucky number
At thirteen I realized why I felt like my world was gonna go under
At thirteen I realized that I hate all these numbers 'cause time is always moving downhill
I need a lover I can't grow up
'Cause I'm special
Special until I can buy a revolver
Because death is chasing me and I never was a good runner
I just stayed inside 'cause playing was a nightmare

What's going on around me?
I don't know, I should act like I don't care
I can't recall ever not being stressed or scared
I'd never sleep and always overthink everything
If would've asked me what's I would've said nothing
Because it's just a part of me and I want to be self accepting