I'll admit it I been a hot mess
That's why I need you more
Than I need my next breath
Feeling like I'm dying on the inside
So Lord I'm crying out to you
Cuz I done weighed out all my options
And I don't know what else to do
Tryna suppress all of this pain
Has got my mind goin insane
Telling everyone I'm okay
When really my hearts in a slain
Really I don't know if I can take no more
Truthfully I can't fake no more
My hearts been broken so many times
Don't know if it breaks no more
And I been fighting all of these demons
Cuz the devil tryna take me out
Playing around with these thoughts of suicide
Know that I need a different route
I don't wanna be the hypocritical type of Christian
That's super spiritual
And can't even be real with you
Like they ain't got no feelings too
I refuse
I am so sick of pretending
And masking my feelings
Just so I can make you feel comfortable
Putting my truths in disguised into jokes
So that you just laugh
And you don't get uncomfortable
Really I jus wanna break down and cry
I just feel like I am losing my mind
I been telling God that I wanna die
But he keep telling me that I'm one of a kind
I don't know why
Maybe I'm blind
I do not see what you
Seeing inside
Could you
Open my eyes
Help me realize
Who
I really am
Cuz right now my soul is filthy