Orphic Elegy - Snowman Lyrics

You were there
Where the sunflowers grow taller than a man
And the wooden signs point to home
Where storms fell trees when they can
And the sun peeks through them
To bake the loam

You were there
When I came up for air

You were there when I turned to see
The place I would not look
Smiling back at me with summer in your eyes
When I was finally ready to start
The next chapter of the book
And say goodbye to goodbyes

You were there
When I came up for air

I could never tell you how I
U n r a v e l e d
The farther away you were
And how still I grew the farther you traveled
I could not be suffered to stir

But as far as you were
I was further still
Consumed in an abyss
It became second nature to crawl into pain
But it didn't have to be like this
It didn't have to be

You were there at the chilly ocean
With the dog who hates the surf
We gathered shells at dusk
And you hiked out beside me on winter mountain turf
To a place just for us

You were there and you were beautiful
And so filled with always
No matter what was going on inside
And it ripped the life from my bones on the dark days
When you receded like the tide

Carefully
I rebuilt me
Around an idealized you
With two hands I made my snowman
But summer was coming soon

When the trouble began
I was certain
It was a war I was willing to wage
But now you've built me a foe so strong
It's all I can do to disengage

I make the same mistakes over and over
Like verse, chorus, verse
I danced around the pain night after night
Until worse became worst

You were there when I waded in the shallows
Testing the water
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have had to try
But the earth burned my feet
And it kept getting hotter
For a time I thought I might die

You try again to make amends
But it's always at my expense
You acknowledge your misstep
But only in past tense

I try again to reconnect
But it's always at my expense
Distance is your attack
And I have no defense

Carefully I rebuilt me
Around an uncertain you

You were when I looked back
Hoping for signs in your eyes
In mine there was only death
But you were not there when I slipped
Beneath the surface
And took a breath