oliver bryan kings - inner child Lyrics

All I am is a men that stands on his ground
Now, I go around and around like this planet on Earth
God damn, as I lay on the dirt i'm feeling myself
Never knew how it felt to be rich
Never knew how it felt to buy a lot of things every now and then
I'm just living my inner child every now and then
Now, I go to sleep on a floor
I go to sleep on a bed that is broken
Drive a car that is broken
Lotta things that are broken
My mind, my sorrow, my heart, my happiness
They can call it a lot of shit the way I talk shit about myself
Now, I know I feel a certain way about myself
I know my flaws and myself
And i'm trying to figure out how to live this life
I'm trying to figure out how to make it as a young men, damn
I just wanna make this money and i'm feeling abused
I feel like my mind can't take it no more
I went to pills to f*cking alcohol
I can't take it no more, I just feel like i'm losing myself every now and then
And I don't wanna let my emotions f*cking lose themselves

Now, so much commotion my brain starts
I feel like i'm overthinking, i'm ready to lose it
I'm ready to blow it away like the wind, god damn
I feel like a flower but inside that flower is a lot of venom
A lot of pain, a lot of rage, and I just don't wanna let it out
I don't wanna be so open, now so many things in my brain
I don't know if i'll ever let it rain, damn 'cause all of this pain
I built it when it was in my childhood i was raped
And i just came to do the same to the game
I saw a lot of shit in the rap industry, didn't like the way they talked about women
Now, I got a lot of shit to say
I don't like the way they f*cking are but I know I'll probably say the same things
That may make me a little bit of a hypocrite

But now I may be the villain of my own story
Using my own kryptonite out of spite
Momma has a lot of scars this night
I don't really know who I am but know that I see a lot of broken hearts
I was never supposed to be born my father wanted me to be aborted
Like "you ain't supposed to have that"
"We already have two" and that's true
"You tryna make us lose rent" then we're f*cked like a screw
Why do men think they can decide what a woman can do with their child
When they can't even make one let alone even create one
Hoping one day I can be loved and cuddle in the arms of a pure heart
Maybe that's a hell of a mark for a family line that is scarred
That's why all that is dark I tend to always keep it lock
Replace it with everything that I bought so it can rot
Within feelings so I look at the ceiling and i'm praising to a god
When i'm not even religious it's as if misery loves my company

And
I'm in need of some influence
I'm in need of some guidance
Maybe i'm need of a god or a girl that has lived a happy life
In a home as i roam to live in a world as theirs
But maybe when I have a kid I'll make sure that happiness is ours
And that I spend dozens of hours showing love that I never saw
And i'm grasping at straws to experience what love really is

'Cause all that I got is my pen and my music
'Cause all that I got is my mind and my soul, my games and my pillow, my bed and my mind
But every now and then I tend to look in my head and I can see a lot of red
And I feel like I'm about to be dead and i'm going again with all of these nightmares
I'm going in circles like i'm stuck in a maze and i'm losing myself
What I'm trying to say is no one can take that away from me
'Cause in the end I know who I really am, inner child
Bryan Kings, out