Nonsensical Menageries - What a day Lyrics

Woke up got dressed
And walked... out the door
Little did i know
I'd have a day like never before...
Backed into a light pole
And it fell on my neighbor's car
Then his cat ran by and
Got electrocuted by the wires
Then my neighbor came out
And screamed "YOU KILLED MY CAT"
I said "sorry bout that"
Then put it in drive and drove on
Then a crackhead jumped out
Wielding a cane and wearing a helmet
And screamed "Roll with the punches Gus!"
I was like what in the world, and never slowed down, and he bobbed and weaved and juked and jived, and he dodged my truck, which isn't a Dodge by the way...
But anyway, I kept driving, and pulled into a gas station
Some lady was screaming on a cell phone out front, something about her baby daddy not bein a good boy or something, I dunno... but I went in and got a candy bar and a Coke, and I dropped my wallet and bent down to pick it up and the guy behind me pulled out a gun, and tried to rob the store, and I stomped on his toes, and saved the day... then I went out to pump my gas and the screaming lady was still hollering about child support or some crap...
Well anyway, I went along my merry way...
Ohhhh what a day this is becoming
Boyyyy i tell you what...
When I got to work I noticed
The phone line had been cut
And then the power went out mysteriously
But there was no kind of weather to make that happen so it was weird
Then some masked men came in and tried to rob us... tried...
They didn't know I was a jiu-jitsu master in the art of karate and kung fu, so I took 'em down, one by one, and they went runnin with their tail tucked between their legs, as they say...
The rest of the day we had to deal with the police and they commended me on my kung fu mastery...
When I was heading home
I saw this lady of the street walking down Poinsette
She looked rather haggard and I asked her
"You need a ride?"
And in a gravely voice she said
"Sure doll" I was wondering who talked like that in this day and age, but I let her get in...
I asked her "Where to?"
And she said "Down to the stoe, foe a Coke and a pack a smokes"
I said "Okay" and we went along our way
Ohhhh what a day this is becoming
Boyyyy i tell you what...
When we got to the store, it was the same ole store I had been at before
And I told the hoe that I had stopped a robbery
And apparently the guy whose foot I stomped on was her boyfriend, and she got mad at me and pulled out a knife on me, I got out and ran into the store, and the guy behind the counter shot her when she ran in with the knife...
Lord this day has been a doozy...
So later that night when I got home my neighbor was outside burying his cat, and when he saw me he started screaming "You owe me money for my car and my cat"
And I just laughed and went inside...
And said "Silly goose, I don't even know you"
Ohhhh what a day this is becoming
Boyyyy i tell you what...
Ohhhh what a day this is becoming
Boyyyy i tell you what...