Noah Kahan - Noah Kahan (Live From Fenway Park) Album Lyrics

I'm rememberin' I promised to forget you now
But it's rainin', and I'm callin' drunk
And my medicine is drownin' your perspective out
So I ain't takin' any fault
Am I honest still? Am I half the man I used to be?
I doubt it, forget about it, whatever
It's all the same, anyways

I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown
In the name of someone I no longer know
For the shame of being young, drunk, and alone
Traffic lights and a transmitter radio
I don't like that when they threw me in the car
I gave your name as my emergency phone call
Honey, it rang and rang, even the cops thought you were wrong for hangin' up
I dial drunk, I'll die a drunk, I'll die for you

I'm untetherin' from the parts of me you'd recognize
From charmin' to alarmin' in seconds
I'll be bedridden, I'll let the pain metastasize
But that's mornin', I'll forget it
And the dial tone is all I have

I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown
In the name of someone I no longer know
For the shame of being young, drunk, and alone
Traffic lights and a transmitter radio
I don't like that when they threw me in the car
I gave your name as my emergency phone call
Honey, it rang and rang, even the cops thought you were wrong for hangin' up
I dial drunk, I'd die a drunk, I'd die for you
Well, I'd die for you

I beg you, sir, just let me call
I'll give you my blood alcohol
I'll rot with all the burnouts in the cell
I'll change my faith, I'll praise the flag
Let's wait, I swear she'll call me back
"Son, are you a danger to yourself?"
F*ck that, sir, just let me call
I'll give you my blood alcohol
I'll rot with all the burnouts in the cell
I'll change my faith, I'll kiss the badge
Let's wait, I swear she'll call me back
"Son, why do you do this to yourself?"

And I said
I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown
In the name of someone I no longer know (I no longer know)
For the shame of being young, drunk, and alone
Traffic lights and a transmitter radio
I don't like that when they threw me in the car
I gave your name as my emergency phone call
Honey, it rang and rang, even the cops thought you were wrong for hangin' up
I dial drunk, I'd die a drunk, I'd die for you

Ooh, silence is making me nostalgic
Two sizes big you shared in my apartment
Oh, we were kids, but that don't make this less hard
If I could fly I doubt I'd even do it
I'd probably get high and crash or something stupid
You made Ohio feel just like Central Park

Liberal red necks get drunk on a dirt road
Attention deficit kids in their gym clothes
Paper bags drift wherever the wind blows
And mine's full of receipts

Ooh, this town is for the record now
The intersection got a Target
And they're calling it downtown
You and all of your new perspective now
Wish I could shut it in a closet
And drag you back down

Gave me your word and now I can't pronounce it
No thing's so sure that I can't learn to doubt it
Now the state bird, it sings our song so out of key

Liberal red necks get drunk on a dirt road
Attention deficit kids in their gym clothes
Paper bags drift wherever the wind blows
And mine's full of receipts

Ooh, this town is for the record now
The intersection got a Target
And they're calling it downtown
You and all of your new perspective now
Wish I could shut it in a closet
And drag you back down
And drag you back down

Liberal red necks get drunk on a dirt road
Attention deficit kids in their gym clothes
Paper bags drift wherever the wind blows
And mine's full of receipts

Ooh, this town is for the record now
The intersection got a Target
And they're calling it downtown
You and all of your new perspective now
Wish I could shut it in a closet
And drag you back down
And drag you back down
And drag you back down

It's been a long year
Would we survive in a horror movie?
I doubt it, we're too slow-moving
We trust everyone we meet

Two bodies riddled with scars from our preteens
Intertwine in a car's dirty backseat
Stare at a drive-in screen

We didn't know that the sun was collapsing
'Til the seas rose and the buildings came crashing
We cried, "Oh"

Everywhere everything
Wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat
'Til our fingers decompose
Keep my hand in yours

Everywhere everything
Wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat
'Til our fingers decompose
Keep my hand in yours

Drive slowly
I know every route in this county
And maybe that ain't such a bad thing
I'll tell you where not to speed

And it's been a long year
And all of our book's pages dog-eared
We write out the ends on our palms, dear
Then forget to read

We couldn't know that the sun was collapsing
'Til the seas rose and the buildings came crashing
We cried, "Oh"

Everywhere everything
Wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat
'Til our fingers decompose
Keep my hand in yours

Everywhere everything
Wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat
'Til our fingers decompose
Keep my hand in yours

Everywhere everything
Wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat
'Til our fingers decompose
I'll keep my hand in yours

Let's drive for no reason, let's see where these wheels land
Let's grind down the curve of this earth
You look fine in the evening, honey, it's starting to storm
When we kissed in the car in the school parking lot
Where I'd go with my friends to get drunk
Used to wish I meant anything to anywhere, to anyone

When forever was a sentence, sentence to death
Oh, when you were a running tear, I was a drop of sweat
And the edges of your soul, I haven't seen yet
Now I'm glad I get forever to see where you end

I won't be alone for the rest of my life
I'll build a boat for when the river gets high
And I'll meet a girl in the heat of July
And I'll tell her so she knows
That I'm broke, but I'm real rich in my head
That I broke a bone that never healed in my hand
So, when I hold her close
I might loosen my grip, but I won't ever let her go
I won't ever let her go
Woo

Remember when we called the cops
'Cause I got too high, and you got scared?
The cops just laughed
We can't make rent, so we window-shop
In the Upper West Side, oh, my God
Could you imagine that?

I won't be alone for the rest of my life
I'll build a boat for when the river gets high
And I'll meet a girl in the heat of July
And I'll tell her so she knows
That I'm broke, but I'm real rich in my head
That I broke a bone that never healed in my hand
So, when I hold her close
I might loosen my grip, but I won't ever let her go
I won't ever let her go

When forever was a sentence, sentence to death
Oh, when you were a running tear, I was a drop of sweat
And the edges of your soul, I haven't seen yet
Now I'm glad I get forever to see where you end
To see where you end

[Spoken]
This next song is called "Pain Is Cold Water".
I wrote this song right here in Watertown, Massachusetts

I'm the tall glass of water you lost in your kitchen
I'm casually cruel like a senior prediction
Most likely to leave at the sign of a fork in the road
You look just like your father as the news was delivered
Cut a hole in my heart that bled into my liver
I miss being alone when it didn't mean being alone

And, if love was contagious, I might be immune to it
Pain's like cold water, your brain just gets used to it
Try to keep swimming, keep Dad's good word in my mouth
But they're fighting like dogs in the town across the river
Over a brand-new crosswalk that won't matter come winter
Lord, sometimes folks just need something to be angry about
What're you angry about?

I ain't bitter 'bout much these days
In some ways, I'm damn lucky to be here
Oh, where the miners stayed in them good old days
Yes, real men used to sleep here
Oh, those roadside graves where my friends still lay in
I walk by just to weep here
They say killing time ain't a homicide
But a prayer for a leap year

Tell me, lover
Now that you made your change
Was your soul rediscovered?
Was your heart rearranged?
Are you still taking pills in the morning?
And did you lose that longing now?
For a walk through an ocean town
'Cause this town's just an ocean now

You don't hate the summers
You're just afraid of the space
Asking strangers for answers
To forget what they say
A boat beside a dock in the sunlight
Nothing but the water and the sunrise now
Just the lack of an open mouth
'Cause this town's just an ocean now

Bad
I'll miss this place, your head and your heart
And my dad still tells me when they're playing your songs
Laughing at the way that you would say
"If only, baby, there were cameras in the traffic lights
They'd make me a star
They'd make me a star"

I wanna go to Maine, mmm
I wanna go to Maine, oh

Bad
I'll miss this place, your head and your heart
And my dad still tells me when they're playing your songs
Laughing at the way
That you would say
"If only, baby, there were cameras in the traffic lights
They'd make me a star
They'd make me a star"

I wanna go to Maine
I wanna go to Maine, God

Tell me, lover
Once you've had your change of heart
'Cause we're no more than the fossils
On Crescent Beach State Park
And we used to sing along to church bells on Sundays
And can you even hear em from the subway now?
And I hope that we make you proud
'Cause this town's just an ocean now

County line, I'm countin' down
Mailboxes until my house
This place had a heartbeat in its day
Vail bought the mountains and nothin' was the same
Yes, the boys are drunk, the sun is high
Their license plates, "Live Free or Die"
But it just ain't that simple, it never was
We'll drink to New Year's, then they'll leave me to clean up

One day I'm gonna cut it clear
Ride like Paul Revere
And when they ask me who I am
I'll say I'm not from around here

I'll leave before the road crew's out
Before those joggers lookin' way too proud
And I'll turn up the music, and I'll forget
Until it ends, that I'm not ready to let go yet

One day I'm gonna cut it clear
Ride like Paul Revere
And when they ask me who I am
I'll just pretend I didn't hear
It's typical, I fear
Folks just disappear
And when they ask me who I am
I'll say I'm not from around here

I'll say I'm not from around here

But I'm in my car and I see the yard
The patch of grass where we buried the dog
And the world makes sense behind a chain-link fence
If I could leave, I would've already left
But I'm in my car and I see the yard
And the patch of grass where we buried the dog
And the world makes sense behind a chain-link fence
If I could leave, I would've already left
I would've already left

Okay

How have things been? Well, love, now that you mention it
My folks still talk, they speak in these two-words sentences
I'm sayin' too much but you know how it gets out here
No winter coat could keep out all the cold of your atmosphere

We once sang
Retrograde, we'd shake the frame of your car
Now I know your name, but not who you are
It's all okay
There ain't a drop of bad blood, it's all my love

You got all my love while I'm still out here
With the pills and the dogs, if you need me, dear
I'm the same as I was, it's all okay
There ain't a drop of bad blood, it's all my love
You got all my love
You got all my love

Write me a list of how it is, of how it was, of how it has to be
You burrowed in under my skin, what I'd give to have you out for me
I still recall how the leather in your car feels
And at the end of it all, I just hope that your scars healed

We once sang
Retrograde, we'd shake the frame of your car
Now I know your name, but not who you are
It's all okay
There ain't a drop of bad blood, it's all my love

You got all my love while I'm still out here
With the pills and the dogs, if you need me, dear
I'm the same as I was, it's all okay
There ain't a drop of bad blood, it's all my love
You got all my love
You got all my love

Well, I leaned in for a kiss thirty feet from where your parents slept
And I look so confident, babe, I swear, I was scared to death
My hands gripped the wheel, I smiled stupid the whole way home
Well, those five words in my head, you said, "I'll never you let go"

Oh, I sing
Retrograde, we'd shake the frame of your car
Now I know your name, but not who you are
It's all okay
There ain't a drop of bad blood, it's all my love

You got all my love and it's still out here
With the pills and the dogs, wind chill this year
Stole the word from my tongue, it's all okay
There ain't a drop of bad blood, it's all my love
You got all my love

You got all my love
You got all my love
You got all my love
You got all my love

Oh well, who was I?
Who was I to watch you wilt?
You ain't gotta tell me what it means
Trace the outlines of your dreams
You'll always be a flower on my skin
And the pain that I am in
It's all the same
The losing touch, the waiting game
You cross that county line
I promise to be there this time, alright?

You were a work of art
That's the hardest part

Howling like dogs in the light of the moon
Holding our breath after 1:32
You asked me why I wasn't sayin' a word
I'm namin' the stars in the sky after you

It was a work of art
That's the hardest part

To spiral out, to try and float
To see a friend, to see a ghost
Bitter-brained, always drunk
Rail-thin, Zoloft
Subtle change, shorter days
Dead-eyed, dead weight
Your life, your dreams
Your mind, your needs
My needs
Your needs, my needs

To spiral out, to try and float
To see a friend, to see a ghost
To see a ghost, to see a ghost
To see a ghost

The only time I got to prayin' for a red light
Was when I saw your destination as a deadline
This is normal conversation, babe, it's all fine
Making quiet calculations where the fault lies
This is good land or at least it was
It takes a strong hand and a sound mind

The college kids are gettin' so young, ain't they?
They're correctin' all the grammar on our spray paint
And I even gave up drivin' after nightfall
I got tired of the frat boys with their brights on
This is good land or at least it was
It takes a strong hand and a sound mind

It makes me smile to know when things get hard, ooh
You'll be far, ooh, you'll be far from here
That while I clean shit up in the yard, ooh
You'll be far, ooh, you'll be far, far from here

So pack up your car, put a hand on your heart
Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are
We ain't angry at you, love
You're the greatest thing we've lost
The birds'll still sing, your folks'll still fight
The boards'll still creak, the leaves will still die
We ain't angry at you, love
We'll be waiting for you, love

And we'll all be here forever
And we'll all be here forever
Sure will

We're overdue for a revival
We spent so long just gettin' by
That's the thing about survival
Who the hell, who the hell likes livin' just to die?
You told me you would make a difference
Well, I got drunk and shut you down
It won't be by your own volition
If you step foot outside this town

But it's all we've had
For always

So pack up your car, put a hand on your heart
Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are
We ain't angry at you, love
You're the greatest thing we've lost
The birds'll still sing, your folks'll still fight
The boards'll still creak, the leaves will still die
We ain't angry at you, love
We'll be waiting for you, love

And we'll all be here forever
And we'll all be here forever

You're gonna go far
You're gonna go far
You're gonna go far
You're gonna go far
Yes, you are

If you wanna go far
Then you gotta go far

Two months since you got back
How have you been and are you bored yet?
The weather ain't been bad
If you're into masochistic bullshit

And every photograph
That's taken here is from the summer
Some guy won Olympic gold
Eight years ago, a distance runner
And that makes a lot of sense
This place is such great motivation
For anyone trying to move
The f*ck away from hibernation, yoo-hoo

Well, I'm tired of dirt roads
Named after high school friends' grandfathers
And motherf*ckers here still don't know they caught
The Boston bombers
Time moves so damn slow
I swear I feel my organs failing
I stopped caring 'bout a month ago
Since then, it's been smooth sailing

I would leave if only I could find a reason
I'm mean because I grew up in New England
I got dreams but I can't make myself believe them
Spend the rest of my life with what could have been
And I will die in the house that I grew up in
I'm homesick
I'm homesick
I'm homesick
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh

I would leave if only I could find a reason
I'm mean because I grew up in New England
I got dreams but I can't make myself believe them
Spend the rest of my life with what could have been
And I will die in the house that I grew up in
I'm homesick
I'm homesick
I'm homesick
I'm homesick
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh

So I took my medication and I poured my trauma out
On some sad-eyed middle aged man's overpriced new leather couch
And we argued about Jesus, finally found some middle ground
I said "I'm cured"

And I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts
Keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart
I'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them
But it's a start

But I ignore things, and I move sideways
Until I forget what I felt in the first place
At the end of the day I know there are worse ways
To stay alive
'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me
Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive
I guess I'll drive

So I forgot my medication, fell into a manic high
Spent my savings at a Lulu, now I'm suffering in style
Why's pain so damn impatient? Ain't like it's got a place to be
Keeps rushing me

But I ignore things, and I move sideways
Until I forget what I felt in the first place
At the end of the day I know there are worse ways
To stay alive
'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me
Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive

And if all my life was wasted
I don't mind, I'll watch it go
Yeah, it's better to die numb
Than feel it all
Oh, if all my time was wasted
I don't mind, I'll watch it go
Yeah, it's better to die numb
Than feel it all

But I ignore things, and I move sideways
Until I forget what I felt in the first place
At the end of the day Lord knows there are worse ways
To stay alive
'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me
Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive
I guess I'll drive

Oh, there was Heaven in your eyes
I was not baptized
Everything's alright when
She calls me back, she calls me back
Lost for a long time
Two parallel lines
Everything's alright when
She calls me back, she calls me back (yeah)

Look at me and don't you lie
I could be your sacrifice
But don't you hold your head up high
For bullshit, I do not have time
I can be an old tattoo
To remind me when I get bad news
That I do not exist to die
But live to die while saving you

Does it bite at your edges?
Do you lie awake restless?
Why am I so obsessive?
Hangin' onto every sentence
This town's the same as you left it
Your page was blank but I read it
I still dial 822-993-167

Oh, there was Heaven in your eyes
I was not baptized
Everything's alright when
She calls me back, she calls me back
Lost for a long time
Two parallel lines
Everything's alright when
She calls me back, she calls me back

I'm runnin' out of tears to cry
They're gone before they hit my cheeks
Maybe it's the air out here
Or maybe something's changin' me
If you think that you could wake me up
Then you don't know how well I sleep
You love me and I don't know why
I only call you once a week

Does it bite at your edges?
Do you lie awake restless?
Why are you so obsessive?
Hangin' onto every sentence
This town's the same as I left it
My page is blank but you read it
You still dial 822-993-167

Oh, there was Heaven in your eyes
I was not baptized
Everything's alright when
She calls me back, she calls me back
Lost for a long time
Two parallel lines
Everything's alright when
She calls me back, she calls me back
When she calls me back

All the pain I should have saved
Oh, I was too afraid of livin' life in your footsteps
In your heart or in your head
Oh, I was too afraid of livin' life in your footsteps
Livin' life in your footsteps
Livin' life in your footsteps
Still she calls me back
Still she calls me

Honey, come over
The party's gone slower
And no one will tempt you
We know you got sober
There's orange juice in the kitchen
Bought for the children
It's yours if you want it
We're just glad you could visit

Feels like I've been
Ready for you to come home
For so long
That I didn't
Think to ask you where you'd gone
Why'd you go?

And you said
Mm, mm
And you said

You said my heart has changed
And my soul has changed
And my heart, and my heart
That my face has changed
And I haven't drank
In six months on the dot

See the graves as you pass through
From a crash back in '02
Not one nick on your finger
You just asked me to hold you
It made you a stranger
And filled you with anger
Now I'm third in the line up
To your Lord and your Savior

Feels like I've been
Ready for you to come home
For so long
That I didn't
Think to ask you where you'd gone
So why'd you go?

And you said
Mm
And you said
Mm

You said my heart has changed
And my soul has changed
And my heart, and my heart
That my life has changed
That this town had changed and you had not
That the world has changed
Don't you find it strange
That you just went ahead and carried on?
And you know I'd say the last time I drank
I was faced down passed out there on your lawn

Are we all just crows to you now?
Are we all just pullin' you down?
You didn't put those bones in the ground
You didn't put those bones in the ground

Honey, come over
The party's gone slower
And no one will tempt you
We know you got sober
There's orange juice in the kitchen
Bought for the children
It's yours if you want it
We're just glad you could visit

Air in my lungs
'Til the road begins
As the last of the bugs
Leave their homes again
And I'm splitting the road down the middle
For a minute the world seemed so simple

Feel the rush of my blood
I'm seventeen again
I am not scared of death
I've got dreams again
It's just me and the curve of the valley
And there is meaning on Earth, I am happy

Oh
Oh

Passed Alger Brook Road, I'm over the bridge
A minute from home but I feel so far from it
The death of my dog, the stretch of my skin
It's all washin' over me, I'm angry again
The things that I lost here, the people I knew
They got me surrounded for a mile or two
The car's in reverse, I'm grippin' the wheel
I'm back between villages and everything's still

If I could give this all back
I would be home in the morning
I'd wake up in a cold sweat
Take a flight back to the city I was born in
And I would wipe myself clean
Of what I knew was unimportant
I'd want typical things
I'd try to fit back into all my old clothing

And I would prove myself wrong
That all along, the problem was me
With all my bitterness gone
Happy, I'd be

I'll move back home forever
I'll feed the dogs
And I'll put all my pieces back together
Where they belong, and I'll say
"I'm a mess, I'm a mess, oh God, I'm a mess"

And I'll take 89 to Boston
See my love
And I'll help her set up her new apartment
And we'll get drunk and she'll say
"Shit, you're a mess, you're a mess, good God, you're a mess"
"Oh, you're a mess, you're a mess, good God"

So I paid off my debts but I found the world boring
So I called my old friends but they only ever ask me how tour is
And there's still weight on my back, I just try to ignore it
I guess the stage was my mask
I forgot the way I looked before I wore it

And I would prove myself wrong
That all along, the problem was me
With all my bitterness gone
Happy, I'll be

I'll move back home forever
I'll feed the dogs
And I'll put all my pieces back together where they belong
And I'll say, "I'm a mess, I'm a mess, oh God, I'm a mess"

And I'll take 89 to Boston
See my love
And I'll help her set up her new apartment
And we'll get drunk and she'll say
"Shit, you're a mess, you're a mess, good God, you're a mess"
"Oh, you're a mess, you're a mess"

That's not what I had hoped
Now I find comfort in the cold

I'll move back home forever
I'll feed the dogs
And I'll put all my pieces back together where they belong
And I'll say, "I'm a mess, I'm a mess, oh God, I'm a mess"

And I'll take 89 to Boston
See my love
And I'll help her set up her new apartment
And we'll get drunk and she'll say
"Shit, you're a mess, you're a mess, good God, you're a mess"
"Oh, you're a mess, you're a mess, good God"

Air in my lungs
'Til the road begins
As the last of the bugs
Leave their homes again
And I'm splitting the road down the middle
For a minute the world seemed so simple

Feel the rush of my blood
I'm seventeen again
I am not scared of death
I've got dreams again
It's just me and the curve of the valley
And there is meaning on Earth, I am happy

Oh
Oh

Passed Alger Brook Road, I'm over the bridge
A minute from home but I feel so far from it
The death of my dog, the stretch of my skin
It's all washin' over me, I'm angry again
The things that I lost here, the people I knew
They got me surrounded for a mile or two
The car's in reverse, I'm grippin' the wheel
I'm back between villages and everything's still

As you promised me that I was more than all the miles combined
You must have had yourself a change of heart, like halfway through the drive
Because your voice trailed off exactly as you passed my exit sign
Kept on driving straight and left our future to the right
Now I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face
Memories are somethin' even smoking weed does not replace
And I am terrified of weather 'cause I see you when it rains
Doc told me to travel, but there's COVID on the planes

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks
And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed
And it's half my fault but I just like to play the victim
I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas
And I'll dream each night of some version of you
That I might not have but I did not lose
Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes
And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad
That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad
No, I am no longer funny 'cause I miss the way you laugh
You once called me forever, now you still can't call me back

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks
And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed
And it's half my fault but I just like to play the victim
I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas
And I'll dream each night of some version of you
That I might not have but I did not lose
Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes
And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

Oh, that'll have to do
My other half was you
I hope this pain's just passin' through
But I doubt it

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks
And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed
And it's half my fault but I just like to play the victim
I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas
And I'll dream each night of some version of you
That I might not have but I did not lose
Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes
And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do
Have to do