Neuma - If I Could Lyrics

Sometimes I wanna break stuff
From anger, frustration, hate stuffed
Beneath better angels
Giving way to rage that stranglers
Mangled up intentions wrangled
'Til it's backwards Kangol Samuel L
Heat is rising 'cause it's raising hell
Inhibitions fall like paper planes
Paper thin distain disguised
Not a game but I came to win
Guess I wanna control you
Your ups, your downs
To please and console you
Ensure the outcome
But I'm outgunned
Turns out you're not an extension of my vanity
My pride's stung
Huh, guess I wanna control me!
But there's a feeling just beyond my reach
Past my grasp, though I'm grasping
Searching for a handle
Yet acting like vandal

Insecurities
Life's absurdities
Trying to murder these
Insecurities
Life's absurdities
Trying to murder these

Things we'd like to change but powerless to implement
Man in isolation is nigh on insignificant
Mind reach to the sky
But grasp limited to arms width
We wrestle with our nature
Hide the brokenness with varnish
We tarnished in our best times
Most our efforts harmless
So the evil in our midst
Roams practically unharnessed
If honest with our selves
We the ones for whom the bell tolls
And if not grace and mercy
This earth would be a hell-hole
Free-wheeling destruction
Achilles heel of seduction
The world is ours but we're
Apathetic lacking in gumption
The inner man is a Judas
Despite our moral improvements
Turning every page of history
Shocked, "How we could do this?"
Watch a walking contradiction at work
At once the jewel of the earth
And also source of its curse
How to reconcile the inconsolable
Only a new a man, perfect in flesh and soul would do
But tell me who?
But where are you?

Insecurities
Life's absurdities
Trying to murder these
Insecurities
Life's absurdities
Trying to murder these

Fear my words are falling on deaf ears
My heart is hurting to death here
How many who claim to be about the Father's business
Are really on their own thing
Treating him like a boss does their assistant?
How quick we are to forget that you are with us
Because you're out of sight we put you out of mind
And we think we can hide ourselves in the process
Foolishness. Selfish
Acting as if my self is just that, mine
But where does my self come from?
Where is it based?
From which Ocean does this seemingly bottomless pond spring?
Emotions, thoughts, instincts all swirl beneath
Far deeper than I can hold my breath to explore
Deeper and darker, deeper and darker
But this vessel is hopeless to remain if unanchored when the tides rise
Tossed and turned to eventually be wreckage
Washed up on some foreign shore
No
I am to live and move and have my being
But earthed in the source and ground of existence Himself
Without this tie, the kite not only does not fly but lies lifeless on the grass
I turn. I turn