MELLOW YELLOW - Kevin Hines Lyrics

Tell me
What the hell happens to your mind when you grow up in a household that do drugs
Parents passing down genes manic panic attacks reverse like Judas
Stupid parents leaving their children to suffer in a corner think mom and dad who does
Take a breath yeah I took a breath, a long story not old news huh
So much crying and too much yelling
The clerk had enough you could tell it
Call police and then they find the parents
They right there but they ain't caring
Change the name yeah that's how it should be
Foster care but they not in duty
They found me for sure I was lucky
Fate had changed it was one above me
Symptoms of a depressed child had his neck down had to get sat down
Extreme paranoia flat out, never telling how he felt now
'Periencing paranoid delusions all of his friends all in confusion
Manic behavior in need of a savior in need of a favor in need of no later
How many times did you go to the doctor
How 'bout that time you had nothing to offer
When did you say you had nothing don't bother
When you had known it was something much larger
Lying so much it's becoming the truth
Think if I die it will not be on news
Emotions come over it's getting me screwed
Someone please help me don't know what to do

And after the paranoid delusions
Would come the manic behavior
Mania... the high of bipolar disorder

Parents decide to split they don't know what the hell
I'm going through I'm never showing you
Doctor said I had a mental illness with a penicillin yeah im curing you
Still in denial my brain is in trial, systems are down and my symptoms go wild
Take it to trial but no beating the case, truth catching up but no beating the chase
Nine twenty four two thousand I'm looking online for painless ways to kill myself
Thinking that nobody one cares but they all do my brain is messed up I can't hear myself
All this confusion I gotta find out, what's going on and I keep hearing sounds
Many delusions I want it to stop, brain is telling me to give it a shot
People online and they told me to do it
Killing myself and that no one would notice
Damn it's the answer but you just don't know it
Look to the future no hearts there are broken
Scratching this letter they won't know who wrote it
This is my story I might as well close it
If I had friends they won't even notice
If there's an end to me they won't show it

I looked online for ways to end my life
Live in San Francisco
Go to the Golden Gate Bridge, jump off
You will die on impact
Good luck, exclamation point

Thoughts is getting more erratic more dynamic no more static
Walking to the campus I ain't dropping off all my baggage
I had just done dropped off all my units like I done subtraction
Lost my coverage with the click of some buttons who knew I done it
I don't have anything left I'm like the last one on this planet
So I just hop on the next bus I don't give no damn 'bout traffic
I just want to get to the bridge as soon as possible land it
Only a couple more stops and then I'm right there how I planned it
I don't want to die and for some reason I just feel alive
I just wanna get off this bus and tell my fam that I lied
Thoughts are flooding in my mind and I can't tell each one apart
Voices in my head are growing louder that I should depart
Crying my eyes out I hope that someone catches me oh Lord
Good samaritans in my neighborhood are no more oh Lord
Please somebody reach a hand out I just need some help oh Lord
I need to realize that I can't just care 'bout myself oh Lord

Try to talk to the bus driver but he won't respond tho
I understand man gotta do his job you know, yeah I know
No one really cares about me I'm alone in this dark world
Things go silent around me as the world twirls
Crying my eyes out still walking off the bus to the stop
I run as fast as I can, I can't stop
I throw myself over the bridge cuz I know
That if I wait for someone to try and stop me then I won't jump off

I'm over the edge now
No one but an angel sent by God can save me now, at this point
I just don't wanna drown
Let me hit the surface and never come down
I don't want to come back to this life I'm living, but I do

I realize everybody really cares about me I just can't understand that
As I'm in freefall I don't really want to die but I didn't plan that
It's too late for me to go back it's not a tape recorder I can't rewind that
Suddenly everything changed back and my brain is at the same wack
Pulled underwater seventy eighty feet deep stuck in the water
I don't wanna drown, I thought I would hit the surface and then never breathe out
Hearing these sounds, what have you done, just use a gun
I don't have one, shouldn't have jumped, what have you done
Now it's a fight for survival, look at my legs they immobile
Only can use my arms now, bells are going off alarms loud
I could be swimming with sharks how, this a different art now
Fight to the surface it cost now, I cannot just float and drown now
God please save me don't let me drown
God please save me don't let me drown
Reach for the surface I'm crying right now
Made a mistake let me tell it to crowds
God please save me don't let me drown
God please save me don't let me drown
Reach for the surface I'm crying right now
Made a mistake let me tell it to crowds

I'm alive