MadDave - Squeaky Clean Lyrics

Dwelling in the past flashbacks to when I was young
Who'd ever thought that this is what I'd become
Goin through this difficult time, I find it hard to believe
Why I never stopped to grief
I love my parents, and I deeply respect them
But sometimes I think about way back when
There was a fight everyday, often times more
For 18 years, I'd cover my ears
I hoped and prayed that it would all go away
But deep down I knew it would only stop on that day
Divorce, I felt like my heart was torn
But I talked to nobody, it's just how I was born
And now I feel like I'm on this same path
Of doomed love, for eternity out of my grasp
When I feel that I have it I try my best to cling
But love isn't so simple, so it will sting me
Out of reality and into depression
I guess this is where it comes in, the repression
I try to hold it until it feels like too much
Then I explode in self-loathing, I use it as a crutch
I realized I was killing myself, it was all for naught
Only made ideas fester, and emotions rot
Self-solutions can only go so far
Overtime it just raises the bar
I pretend to be strong, and I guess sometimes I am
But there's only so much my heart can cram
So I tell my friends, even though I feel so embarrassed
Confident exterior, but it's apparent
To them that I'm not feeling as I should
And they help me, more than I ever could
I love them for that, don't know where I'd be without them
I try to explain my problems, but in the end it stems
From the desire for validation and value
And I feel like I'm useless when I don't have you
But it's crazy how far that I've come since way back then
I ignored love for everyone, I won't do that again
C'mon, baby baby c'mon
There's gotta be a better way to heal
This wasn't the deal
Everything in life just gets in my way
And I just can't wait another f*cking day
And I can't stop thinking about you
And I'm all out of ideas on what to f*cking do
Mental snapped, so I can't react
To what you say anymore, so out the door
I'll go, walk away in a straight line
And I'll keep telling you that I'm fine
'Cause sometimes I am, they just can't understand
What my brain is on, and I don't know either
C'mon, step away from the screen
You don't need that dopamine
C'mon, you're not a broken machine
We're gonna start squeaky clean
C'mon, step away from the screen
You don't need that dopamine
C'mon, you're not a broken machine
We're gonna start squeaky clean
Wait, you're right, I gotta stop this now
Can't let it take over again, every time I vow
That I wouldn't fall into this trap
So I picked up this mic and started to rap
The most cathartic thing for me is hip hop
The ultimate expression, so I'm never gonna stop
So take everything I say to your heart
Nothing can tear me and my beats apart