Loudon Wainwright III - The Shit Song Lyrics

When I run into friends of mine I haven't seen in years,
They give me the once over then their eyes well up with tears.
Then they pronounce me 'looking great', I haven't changed a bit,
I flash 'em back a feeble smile: I know I look like shit.

'Cos I saw myself this morning, phew, and I know of what I speak.
I'm a human being, but I look like I reek.
And a weaker bathroom lightbulb just might take care of it,
'Cos the mirror shatters your illusions when you look like shit.

Shit comes in different colours, and consistencies,
I guess that I'm just aging like the finest wines and cheeses.
The guy that's me, who's in my dreams, is twenty-five or six,
I'm old enough to be his dad, how's that for parlour tricks?
Life's a job you're fired from, unless of course you quit,
Gee, I wonder if that old blind guy knows that he looks like shit?

Let's ask him!

'Scuse me? No, over here!

Although I know it's natural, I still can't understand.
Once I looked like a million bucks, now, more like two grand.
We start out with a lot of time, but what happens to it?
Times flies when you f*ck around and then you look like shit!

Oh, ain't it the truth, brothers and sisters?

Shit comes in different colours, and consistencies,
'Shit's a gift we make', Freud said, 'here, take mine won't you please?'
Growing old ain't easy, it's a process so they say.
We proceed to our grand finales, every single day.
But dying doesn't worry me, I'm not bothered a bit,
I just don't like the thought of lying there looking like shit!