Out Of Reach Video (MV)

I'm worn out and wounded
Seeping into the bed
Nothing but time
To rethink what I said
Sustained by sutures
The cuts need to close
They said maybe a month
But now I don't know
Been snipping loose ends now
For a year and a half
Subtracted too many
Can't redo the math
I severed an artery
Trimming the weeds
Why did I let go of
The ones that I needed
Lost my two best friends
That first week of October
Through hating a monster
I became the ogre
Projected my fears
Till the light bulb burnt out
Yelled till my lungs bled
Should have just shut my mouth
Through one tainted moment
Consumed by my rage
They're closing the curtains
And leaving the stage
I'm left with the chaos
I alone unleashed
And, god I need help
But pushed them out of reach
I keep others close
But now not in distance
The few other people
Could call for assistance
They're bathed in the bass
To the songs brought to life
They travel the country
While I sit in strife
Singing to songs
Dancing right through the floors
While I'm changing bandages
Manage what's torn
I could but I won't call
Won't dampen their joy
I just sit here sobbing
Mourn what I've destroyed
All my other best friends
Were on tour that October
I was off the pain pills
But was never sober
They said I shouldn't smoke
For another three months
Barely made it three weeks
Couldn't handle the brunt
They live in the moment
In front of the stage
Have no one to tell
The regret of my rage
I'm left with the chaos
I alone unleashed
And, god I need help
But they're all out of reach
A year has flown past
Rebuilt most of the ties
They think things are fine
But I've been crafting lies
I act like I'm not hurt
But I fear I might die
But I won't be a burden
So I keep it inside
Every outcome that could
Go south went wrong
I just don't know if I can
Keep masking as strong
My world's crashing down
It feels broke past repair
They say they would be
But I don't want them there
For once in my life
I'm not searching for love
With all that has happened
Push has come to shove
The one thing I've wanted
Since I was a child
But now I don't want it
I've got myself riled
Stopped chasing that dream
When it became a nightmare
But didn't think it would
Cause this much despair
Could keep playing the game
Even if I get scammed
Because if I don't want love
I don't know who I am