Well, I got home this morning and everything was gone
The only thing she left me were the clothes that I got on
Yeah, we used to fuss and fight, but I never thought it'd come to this
So I did what any broke guy would do and jumped on Craigslist
I said I need a couch and a fridge and a mattress
Could ya help an old boy out if ya have it?
Yeah, I need a lamp, shower curtain and a microwave
I don't need the whole table, just a TV tray
And if ya got one laying around, I'll take anything that makes a sound (makes a sound)
She took all the records and the player too
If it works, that'll work, it ain't gotta be new
Since she's gone, I don't need one on each side of the bed
No, I just need one night stand
Yeah, I just need one night stand
Well, I got a call from a guy said he just saw my ad
Said he threw his La-Z-Boy in the alley, so I made a mad dash
On my way to pick it up, I got a random text from a lady
She said, I just saw your post
My husband's supposed to leave the house around eightish
I thought, oh no, this ain't good
Poor ol' gal must've misunderstood
I just need a couch and a fridge and a mattress
Could ya help an ol' boy out if ya have it?
Yeah, I need some soap, shampoo and some cutlery
Man, the whole damn house could use potpourri
If there's anything cool in your basement
Chances are, man, I've got space for it
And if ya got a Big Mouth Billy Bass I can talk to
Man, you oughta let me help you out
I can take it off your hands
Yeah, I just need one night stand
Yeah, I just need one night stand
Man, I just need all this stuff
'Cause I'm about to start my life without her
I just wish that I'd quit getting all these pop-ups
From the casual encounters, yeah
'Cause I said I need a couch and a fridge and a mattress
Could ya help an ol' boy out if ya have it?
Yeah, I need a lamp, shower curtain and a microwave
I don't need the whole table, just a TV tray
If ya got one laying around, I'll take anything that makes a sound (makes a sound)
She took all the records and the player too
If it works, that'll work, it ain't gotta be new
Since she's gone, I don't need one on each side of the bed
No, I just need one night stand
Yeah, I just need one night stand
Somewhere I can put this yellow lava lamp
Yeah, I just need one night stand