Kemo the Samurai - Where the Hell Is My Phone? Lyrics

Bret Michaels can't Talk Dirty until he finds his iPhone!

I put my phone on silent at the movies last night
After that... I don't remember, but the battery probably died
Was it in the garage or in the kitchen
I checked the freezer twice
Did I leave it on the car roof and then drive
Down 95

Where the hell is my phone?
It was here last night, now it's gone
I need to take a take a poopy and get my candy crush on
Where the hell is my phone?

The lady at Verizon said... can I put you on hold
I've been waiting for so long I forgot what the f*ck I was calling for
She said... I wonder... did you know
You don't have insurance
So if I want a new iPhone right now... I gotta
Sell my sperm online somehow

Where the hell is my phone?
It was here last night, now it's gone
Goodbye to all my dick pics and gay midget porn
Where the hell is my phone?

Well it's been a while now
It's probably on Ebay
That's ok, the screen was broken
And it won't... It won't vibrate

I think I could have left it last night at Chick-fil-A
I gave the door a shove
F*ck... I forgot it was Sunday
Looks like I will have to make do
With my new flip-phone I'll be calling you
So if I wanna text you the letter i
I gotta... press the number 4 three times

Where the hell is my phone?
It was here last night, now it's gone
I wanna drunk text my ex-wife
Buy dumb shit from amazon
Where the hell is my phone?