Drown myself to sleep Video (MV)

Well, Mama tried her damn hardest to keep the God in me
But when you're dealt with dirty cards, it's easier not to see
Reminds me of those days, sewed up patches on my knees
And I'd say, Mama, please, my friends, they're laughing at me
She said, Son, I'm sorry, I can't give you what I don't have
As she looked from her bed at the only possessions that she had
To be a young child and wipe the tears from your mother's eyes
While your friends talk of Christmas and all you can tell is lies
So I'll just stop you right now and I'll take the knee
Cause I just figured out that you're not meant for me
I never wanted something so damn much
But I just realized I don't deserve your touch
So I'll just drown myself, I'll drown myself to sleep
Fixated on all the things that eventually broke me
And if there's another lifetime after this
Maybe I'll get to enjoy all the things I now miss
I'm just a deadbeat loser who's always prone to sin
And you don't deserve the trouble of what being around me brings
You were raised real proper, yeah, you were raised real well
And I come from a sketchy past and growing up I went through hell
My father taught me lessons, like how to be a quitter
When he left us all struggling to chase the babysitter
He taught from an early age that not many are true
And not to show the better side cause they'll just rip it right from you
So I'll just stop you right now as I take the knee
Because I just figured out that you're not meant for me
I never wanted something so damn much
But I just realized I don't deserve your touch
So I'll just drown myself, I'll drown myself to sleep
Fixated on all the things that eventually broke me
And if there's another lifetime after this
Maybe I'll get to enjoy all those things I now miss