Jeezy - Since Pac Died Lyrics

(J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League)
Yeah
Turn me down just a lil' bit
Yeah

I ain't shed a tear since Pac died
Don't know why it hit me when Pop died
Brooklyn lost one, I don't even know the homie
Still runnin' from my demons, there's an omen on me
Like that time they tried to charge my first born with murder
Got me callin' every lawyer that I ever heard of
Oh, Lord, please, tell me what you see in me
Teary-eyed, they got my baby boy on TMZ
Balled up in the bed, feelin' like a failed father
Then I tried to stand up and I fell farther
Mama died and I didn't know how to grieve
That's the last time that a nigga smoked some weed
That 'Za had me in my head, I might break for real
Contract with the devil, I might sign a deal
Oh, Lord, have mercy, I just wanna see her
I'd trade places with her now, I just wanna be her

All I seen in my face was a twenty-five
She said, "Take your ass to school or you won't be alive"
Swear that she hit me with my own hand
What I'm sayin', my mama slapped like a grown man
Baby raising babies, I forgive you, mama
You had to clean them people's toilets, I was with you, mama
Two-bedroom trailer, I was so ashamed
Had SpaghettiOs for dinner, all I taste is pain
Single black mother, that's the reason, right?
Meanwhile, I don't know if I can read or write
Somebody pay the light bill, we gon' see tonight
When your future gets dark, all you see is white
I just tried and I tried, but I never died
Uncle Wade my best customer, he always fried
When you aksed me am I good, I just always lied
Streets sucked my soul dry, that's why I'm always tired
Served dope fiend Jackie, that's Tameka mama
I should be ashamed, I'm part of Tameka's trauma
Prettiest dark-skinned girl in the whole school
Even brought my bomb to class, thought I was so cool

I hope you're lovin' Heaven and you ain't embarrassed
You can tell 'em that your baby boy's known in Paris
Yeah, I know I made a mess, but I'ma clean it up
Had to cut the fat from 'round me, had to lean it up
Please send a sign if you hear me, mama
Yeah, this lil' Jay, I'm hopin' you forgive me, mama
By the way, I had a beef and shot at DJ Drama
Apologized about it, yeah, I'm tryna keep the honor
Same time healed, I'm tryna beat my trauma
And be a natural-born leader until I see you, mama
That was on my heart and I don't know why
I'm puttin' on my shades, y'all gon' make me cry