Ishan - Peace. Lyrics

I used to have dreams of killing myself
14 I was miserable
I figured I'd start rappin' 'cuz at home I felt invisible
Had dreams of the mother land
While, fearing my mothers hand
My, dad would be working
While my, mother f*cked other men
Nigga how about that
Life ain't simple as it seems
I put the meaning in that
Too scared of what the future held
So I denied it
I was pissed I didn't make it yet
The root was my defiance
Let the fire burn
And let that shit rock
Noose around my neck, when Imma do it?
Nigga tick tock
Feelin all of this shit piling like sand dunes
Couple years ago you would find me dead in my bedroom
Told me keep on going till I find some peace
So Imma lay this shit down so I can die in my sleep
They told me keep on going till I find some peace
So Imma lay this shit down so I can die in my sleep
I put the meaning and love in all of my craft
But why the f*ck I'm takin' tests if there's no chance of me to pass nigga
All my life I was focused on being that nigga
People that I used to know still askin' if I rap nigga
Not happy with this shit I never been I mean it man
Discouraged 'cuz I thought that I would blow like a ceiling fan
I started writing lyrics for this shit just for some clarity
Now every time I hit the studio it's like it's therapy uh
Nobody there for me uh
My brother scared for me uh
My girl keep telling me you
You ain't been there for me uh
I was raised towards emotions to never mind him
So when I started looking for myself I couldn't find it
I couldn't find it never I couldn't find it remember shit so vividly that I can go rewind it
Remember where I was when I got word of Tommy's death
And I remember every second of the day my mama left
And so it's f*ck that bitch I'm screaming f*ck that bitch
Don't give a shit about nothin' don't even love that bitch
And so it's f*ck that bitch I'm screaming f*ck that bitch
Don't give a shit about nothin' don't even love that bitch dawg
I talk about that shit so much sound like a broken record
Heading toward the point where the music ain't had me feeling better
Had it mentally maybe if I just spit it clever
Niggas would just notice me recognition I got it never
Trynna hit my phone but I ain't there
They yellin' "black is the color of my true loves hair"
Can't even try to write man I just sit and I stare
Seven years been trynna make it off a kick and a snare
Told me keep on going till I find some peace
So Imma lay this shit down so I can die in my sleep
They told me keep on going till I find some peace
So Imma lay this shit down so I can die in my sleep