heyzac! - Better off, Pt. 2 Lyrics

Look
Aye
Man what a funny thing
This life that I been livin' I'm still in the ring
You know I won't go down without a fight
Been battered, beaten, bruised and believe me when I say that I've lost
But nothing grand enough to keep me down, I'm tryna be the boss
Overindulgence in everything I know that's bad for me
Cause momma wasn't there for me but dad knew that he had to be
Unfortunately I had to accept my sad reality that momma left but dadda like to fight when half his glass empty
Know he prolly meant well
But intentions fade to black when he's the reason that you in hell
Still tryna find my way back
He prolly gon' be mad as hell if he ever hears this track
I love you dad but we both know the problems that you have
You been disconnected
I'm tryin' hard to find a reason but this shit to hectic
He broke my nose in 3 places cause he misdirected
Cause he ain't have no one to teach him better
No correction as a grown man, no wonder why you bitter
0 for 3 so I missed out my shoulda-coulda-woulda life
Dark as hell in mine because his life been lackin' any light
Toxic masculinity, "don't like what I say then we fight"
Say you understand me but can't fathom that I might be right
God forbid it
Not a chance that I could know some shit
"I'm 49 years old Zac, I promised that I've lived through it"
Forgettin' that times on the move, and maybe things are different now, and maybe I don't want your life, and maybe I figured it out
I had to make a sacrifice, I'm tryna heal a bit
Scared to put you in a song cause I know you gon' throw a fit
What a shitty position, dawg, I can't even exercise the trauma that you out me through
Cause I know it's shit you won't like
Had enough I'm tired of not speakin' bout it
All because I know that you gon' hate me I don't even doubt it
Have another drink homie it's clear that you can't live without it
Had to make my peace I'm broken now all because you allowed it
And now I gotta watch myself cause both my parent's addicts
My dad he won't admit it yeah he'll take it to his casket
So I can't let myself drink too much or bad things start to happen and I can't experiment with drugs I seen my mom relapsin'
Now momma ain't been perfect either
Caught up in the clutches of that fetty, so I'm losin' sleep there's so much I'm regrettin'
Consumed with tryna show her bout what coulda been, what woulda been
But she just loved that needle dawg, I couldn't stand to let her in
Caught up in a life of sin and blame it on abandonment at some point though you gotta know
That you the only catalyst
You the reason that you failin'
You the reason, now we know
You the reason I can't love you cause I gave up all my hope
Runnin' from myself because of problems that been passed down
No wonder why I can't trust, no wonder I can't love now
Still tryna fit the pieces of this puzzle that been broke down
I'm pretty sure I got some missin' how's this sposed' to go down?
Scared that I keep missin' out cause every time I look around
I get a quick reminder that the life I live ain't normal now
Tryna smile, don't know how so I decide to look down
Cause at least if my head hangin' low y'all can't pretend y'all care now