Why Would I Watch Album Lyrics by Hot Mulligan

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Shouldn't Have a Leg Hole but I Do

Hang my hat, don't think I'll ever get to leave
The door seems to run from my hand
Every change I make will inevitably lead me back
I sit and stay aren't I comfortable?
Why shouldn't I sleep?
I don't think I understand
Every path, every variable made so it'll bring me back
Me back, me back

Meditate, try a medicine
All conclusions lead, I'm not meant to live that long
Guilty fate, hope my father don't take it on himself if I'm gone
Sit and stay, what's unbearable
Always something new that I've got to see to the end
Hold your phone, record, make and edit to impose
It's better than until the end, instead
You'll find me as I try

Ignoring my nature
Just strengthens the bond
It will stay when I am gone
So then what's there to fix when
All is wasted
All potential I have lost
Every memory I've embossed is where I was wrong

Hang my hat, don't think I'll ever want to leave
The door never met my sight
Trapped inside, the fluorescent light
Flickers as it calls me back
I sit and stay, getting comfortable, this is all I know
I begin to understand
Every path, every variable made so it'll bring me back
Me back, me back

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It's A Family Movie She Hates Her Dad

Blackout, am I better now?

Dinner table yelling at the television
Getting high before noon
Your sister stole your pills again
Won't you ever learn a little?
Try and cut the cord, hit the lights
See the space heater drying up the floorboards

Offer nothing, never change
Look inside us, all the same
You'll find nothing you can save
But try and stitch up grandpa's Tommy's

Blackout, am I better now?
I saw my family off their face as I was graduating
And that's how yeah, you pass it down
Can't pretend like you wanted that

Sit me down and give me the confessional
Stay together for the kid
Isn't that original? Never know
I'll grow up and learn that we were poor
Money talks, but it never tells you
Love is more important (important)

Nothing special, family name
I'll never find the will to change
And if I could, I would stay the same

Blackout, am I better now?
I saw my family off their face as I was graduating
And that's how yeah, you pass it down
Hereditary, maybe see if I grow into something

So now it's bottles breaking
See the whole house is shaking
Let's open up, tear down the walls and sink into the basement
And that's how yeah, you pass it down
Can't pretend like you wanted that
You pass it down

Always selfish, still the same
Maybe I've been in the way
Don't cast shame, oh, I'm so sorry

Blackout, am I better now?
I saw my family off their face as I was graduating
And that's how yeah, you pass it down
Hereditary, maybe see if I grow into something

So now it's bottles breaking
See the whole house is shaking
Let's open up, tear down the walls and sink into the basement
And that's how yeah, you pass it down
Can't pretend like you wanted that
You pass it down

Now it's bottles breaking
The whole house is shaking
See it's bad foundation
Oh, you've grown complacent
Now it's bottles breaking
The whole house is shaking
So just have one but don't have trust or any conversations

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And I Smoke

Fractal, how the pattern repeats itself
Its smallest details repeat indefinite
I hear a voice from an empty room make small talk

Move out, a new place that I don't know
It's smallest details are unfamiliar
Sit still in the shower until I feel alone
My doctor taught me techniques, she said

Regulate my breath, relax my jaw and say my affirmations
Playing with my fingers, the door is
Just open enough, so I wonder, who is there?
My throat feels like it's full of hair
My chest lights a flame under every breath
I choke where I stand
My senses flare at the drop of a pin, I'm alone

Break the key off in its lock
Assured I'm by myself
And still the footfalls follow close
Although I know there's nothing there
The doctors order techniques they taught

Regulate my breath, relax my jaw and say my affirmations
Playing with my fingers, the door is
Just open enough, so I wonder, who is there?
My throat feels like it's full of hair
My chest lights a flame under every breath
I choke where I stand
My senses flare at the drop of a pin, I'm alone

The fear has to stem from something
The horde I can hear from my couch
Wanting eyes on them, significance
Just take it and go away

I don't think it makes a difference
Quoting useless affirmations
Playing with the thought
That there's someone watching me from inside the house

Who is there?
My throat feels like it's full of hair
My chest lights a flame under every breath
I choke where I stand
My senses flare at the drop of a pin, I'm alone

Fractal, how the pattern repeats itself
Its smallest details repeat indefinite
I hear a voice from an empty room make small talk

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This Song Is Called It's Called What It's Called

A cape town, some royal crown, an hour
I don't know where my wallet is
Crawl to bed on a stranger's floor
Lit cigarette, burning holes into their porch
An old van, a farmers tan, a venue
I don't know where my wallet is
Crossing roads where the city ends
I don't know, I don't know

Can't get it back
Can't get it back, I fell asleep and saw
The years had passed, I lost them all
Reach into my head and find
I don't remember most of the time

Oh, there's so much I would change
Take more pictures
Oh, I left so much to say
Left so much to say

All the missed connections
Oh, I left so much to say
Why do the years move faster?
Oh, there's so much I could change
Will I spend the effort?
Oh, there's so much I could change
Oh, there's so much I'd let go

I'll somehow frame a narrative
Where all my actions have some evil aim
The worst is yet to come
I'll retrace the capitol
The day we wandered all the monuments
A belly full of drinks
What could I have done wrong? Does intent equal fault?
How to end a perfect day if not
Finding what to blame on myself

And nothing hits as hard the second time
It's all lost its charm but not it's signs
(A cape town, some royal crown, an hour)
And nothing hits as hard the second time
(An old van, a farmers tan, a venue)
It's all lost its charm, but not it's signs

The nights I fell asleep and saw
The years had passed, I lost them all (I don't know where my wallet is)
I reach into my head and find
I don't remember most of the time (I don't know where my wallet is)
The nights I fell asleep and saw
The years had passed, I lost them all (I don't know where my wallet is)
I reach into my head and find
I don't remember most of the time (I don't know)

The nights I'd stay awake and saw
The morning shed its shadows long
The blanket I'd forget to bring
I half remember everything

(Dude, do a drum fill)
(The iPad, use the iPad)

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No Shoes in the Coffee Shop (Or Socks)

Retrospect is best
I'll buy a camera to record some stuff
All I thought is that it could be fun

The question that came next
Is if my memories lead to stark regret
Well then, why would I watch?

For every crater on the moon
There's an empty beer around the room
Only wanted sleep
Could you show me my options?
Nothing left to drink
Holding on so the nausea might subside

So what then?
Do nothing for fear I'll remember what I've been
No prodigal son, maybe an inconvenience
Poison tends to taste sweet
Failures tend to think they know
What's good for themselves but then I see

For every crater on the moon
There's an empty beer around the room
Only wanted sleep
Could you show me my options?
Nothing left to drink
Holding on 'til the nausea breaks

Is this the punishment I've earned?
Relive who I've been when at my worst
Every single night
Looking for a distraction
Waiting for the sun to rise
Pretty sight for some hollow eyes

Peeling at labels, the minor stimulation keeps my mind up
Laying in bed there's a brave assumption I won't try to crawl out
Hiding my face when in public, let's avoid all confrontation
They say you can't force it, then how can I change myself?

The question that came next
Is if my memories lead to stark regret
Well then, why would I watch?

For every crater on the moon
There's an empty beer around the room
Only wanted sleep
Could you show me my options?
Nothing left to drink
Holding on 'til the nausea breaks

Is this the punishment I've earned?
Relive who I've been when at my worst
Every single night
Looking for a distraction
Waiting for the sun to rise
Pretty sight for some hollow eyes

Retrospect is best
It's always there so it can hold me back
From the things that I want

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Christ Alive My Toe Dammit Hurts

I feel kinda sick
Like I don't wanna to smoke no more

'Cause I feel like dying
I feel like dying
But I'll take that cig
That I turned down from your front porch
'Cause I feel like dying
I feel like dying
Anyway

I'm not myself
But if we're being honest
Then I can't recall just how long it has been
Since I've felt like I'm anyone else

I guess I'll take a hit
Although I know
That it'll f*ck my head up even more
At least if I'm choking
Life's less disappointing
Start to think it's my fault
Like my standards are the issue
But that won't go away
Oh, I hope I'm dying
I hope I'm dying
Anyway

I'm not myself
But if we're being honest
Then I can't recall just how long it has been
Since I've felt like I'm anyone else

I'm not myself
When did wanting to live start to go out of fashion?
You laugh and say same when I say I'm unhappy, just stop

Put your head down
No one cares now
Put your head down

Pull my hair out
No one cares now
Put my head down
No one cares now

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Betty

She used to sleep tucked in a tiny ball
Used to listen when I sang her favorite song
Held her fingers so she'd wake with me
Get drunk and sink into the couch 'fore the TV

Couple years you couldn't go outside
Thought long as she was here, then I would be just fine
Had a cough that made me nervous then
Thought it would pass by time the winter met its end

Doctor said it doesn't go away
Nothing left to do but hope and medicate
Held her fingers so she'd wake with me
Get drunk and stay awake for days
I'd watch her breathe

Got her ashes from the vet today
I can't look at them or find their proper place
She used to sleep tucked in a tiny ball
Used to listen when I sang her favorite song

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Cock Party 2 (Better Than the First)

Wanna talk like when we were kids
And every word comes out
It's nothing either of us did
Why'd you let it happen?
When did we stop laughing?
Feel sorry for us now

Paying rent, calling home again
Routine and tedium now
Holding off for another hit
Why'd I let it happen?
Where are all the trappings?
Feeling sorry for myself

Wonder where you went when we passed and graduated
I could see you out in Portland
Taking class, making cash, doing art commissions
Monday morning, painting oceans
Maybe dropped the pen, kill yourself selling health insurance
Never ends, it's not important
Not important
Nothing

Had that thought spinning in my head
What would you say now?
Mackinac just across the bridge
Did you ever see the island?
Probably not invited
I'd go with you sometime

Wonder where you went when we passed and graduated
I could see you out in Portland
Taking class, making cash, doing art commissions
Monday morning, painting oceans
Maybe dropped the pen, kill yourself selling health insurance
Never ends, it's not important
Not important
Nothing

So it goes, some things must end
Hope you still keep up with your college friends
Some dead-end job, a fold-out bed
It's not my place to hope the best
Common threads, you felt them pulling
Felt them pulling
Common threads, you felt them pulling
Felt them pulling

Never ends
Wonder where you went when we passed and graduated
(Not important, not important, never ends)
Shaking class, getting high in a friend's apartment
(Not important, never ends)

Why'd we let it happen?
When did we stop laughing?
Feel sorry for us now

Intrusive thoughts
Shouldn't care where you are, but I can't shake the notion
The Pacific Ocean might look nice with both of us there

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Shhhh! Golf is On

I can't stand the fact I know where you are
Ten years, I still try to spot your car
When driving past your house
The taste of iron in my mouth or

The shame that I have to look like mom
Disgraced, I may be my father's son
You're still too close to me
I swear at night I feel you breathe

There's nothing special in the water here
There's no reason you should feel the need to stay
You've ruined everything you touch 'round here
Let the locusts have your home
They'll feel the same
And I'll feel the same

Re-check, change
Re-check, change

You're tired at roll call
You should learn to play hooky from me
It's total recall
I can hear how you cried when it came time to leave

Re-check, change
Re-check

There's nothing special in the water here
There's no reason you should feel the need to stay
You've ruined everything you touch 'round here
Let the locusts have your home
They'll feel the same
And I'll feel the same
Oh, feel the same
Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh oh oh

Re-check, change
Re-check, change
Re-check, change

There's nothing special in the water here (re-check)
There's no reason you should feel the need to stay (change)
You've ruined everything you touch 'round here (re-check)
Let the locusts have your home (change)
They'll feel the same
And I'll collar it out

Your pictures of me
Color it out
Thought I stole every one when we left
Hollow it out
Your house in the weeds
Hollow it out
Hope it sinks into corn fields

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Gans Media Retro Games

Was I the problem?
When all I thought was
That I don't follow
The pace of conversation
Oh, am I the problem?

Letting inhibitions go
The first mistake was
Losing most my self control
Can't bite my tongue when I'm drunk
And here I thought it was the same for everyone
But I can't stop calming my nerves 'til they're
Numb, useless
Vestigial and senseless
Waking up to dry mouth and ash

Was I the problem?
When all I thought was
That I don't follow
The pace of conversation
When the drinks have dried up
A concrete basement
Now you won't face me
I don't remember what I said
Am I the problem?
Am I the problem?

Crooked steps, a purple bruise on my shins
Teeth feel rotten through
A vinyl floored back room begs the question
Is this just how I live?
In fear of what I'll do
Wake every day to say

I'm numb, worthless
Vestigial and pointless
A sore to bite every time that I speak
I'm torn
Last stitch comes loose
Frayed and hopeless
Point the gun, take a breath, be at peace

Was I the problem?
When all I thought was
That I don't follow
The pace of conversation
When the drinks have dried up
A concrete basement
Now you won't face me
I don't remember what I said
Am I the problem?

Stay down
Stay down
Stay down
The memories bleed when I go out
Just breathe, you'll never leave
The mind just well enough to ask

Am I the problem?
Oh, it would seem so
The resignation
I'm gonna die like this
When the drinks have dried up
A concrete basement
Now you won't face me
I don't remember what I said
Am I the problem?

Stay down
Stay down
Stay down
The memories bleed when I go out
Just breathe, you'll never leave
The mind just well enough to ask

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Smahccked My Head Awf

Sucking blood out of a canker sore
What's on TV?
Televangelist exploits the poor
He's sweating beads
Let me help you sit down
Haven't seen you in a long time
Do you mind if we watch something else?
Where's the remote?
Then you gave me your phone

It's okay, it's okay

Have you fed the birds, no?
Don't worry, I got it
And no, my brothers not home
You must have forgotten
He died when I was fifteen
Hasn't been here for a long time
Let's talk about something else
Why don't we move outside?

I can see your age
It's in your face
Every wrinkle to a year I can't replace
Won't you tell me how you've been
These past few days
But you just say the same things

It's okay
Small mistakes
Should've known that you can't bother me
It's okay, it's okay

Watch your house while sitting in my car
Wait and think
How my father said it's spread too far
Soon we'll see
What this illness can do
Probably won't look like you

Didn't think that I would see your memories fade
How your eyes don't light up when you see my face
Would you remember if I never left?
I should've stayed
Would you remember if I never left?
I should've stayed

Oh, I've written all these songs, all meant for you
But I'll turn into a stranger before too soon
Would you remember if I never left?
I should've stayed
Would you remember if I never left?
I should've stayed

All the years together that I missed
All the notes that I've always kept
Would you remember if I never left?

It's okay, small mistakes
Should've known that you can't bother me
It's okay, it's okay

Remember how in church you would ask me to sing
The garden where we picked Johnny jump-ups in spring
It's okay

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John the Rock Cena, Can You Smell What the Undertaker

Pulse consistent, Holy Ghost keeps whispering
You'll come home persistent
How he taught me to hate my body
Off I go, all those scars are hard to hide
I'm still sleeping fully clothed
But that's not what you wanted, was it?

Friends couldn't see me when I'd gone
Wednesday school, how great's my god
Losing faith is losing all
The folks you thought might give a f*ck
That's only in their house
Hate myself and stay devout
But that's not what I wanted, was it?

Patron saint of all dysmorphic
Peeling off my skin and torch it

I can't hide enough
Under a bright light you'd find every crooked line I've got
All they taught I read as shameful
How my nature's fatal
Now, I can't stand when I'm being touched
Only damage, hoping this next shot hits
Maybe then I'll forget what they've done

No, I'll blame myself
Should've listened when they spoke
How could I have been so bold?
Every passage that I read
Between the lines and I was told
That I'm disgusting in my mind and in my body
Is this what you wanted?

I can't hide enough
Under a bright light you'd find every crooked line I've got
All they taught I read as shameful
How my nature's fatal
Now I can't stand when I'm being touched
Only damage, hoping this next shot hits
Maybe then I'll forget what they've done so far

It doesn't get less hard
Just needed a body that I could fit into
My fault, is it my fault?
Just needed some different skin

All of the pictures from when I was a kid
I am wearing the same coat
I'd say it was at least two sizes too big
But it covered from head to toe
I felt that I can't hide enough

I can't hide enough
Under a bright light you'd find every crooked line I've got
All they taught I read as shameful
How my nature's fatal
Now I can't stand when I'm being touched
Only damage, hoping this next shot hits
Maybe then I'll forget what they've done so far

Flaws all covered, poor posture
Gave my heart your black altar
Broke my bones to fit your mold, holy