Gry - Lazarus Lyrics

This ain't about my hussle it's about my struggle
I been sayin im down to tussle im down in the rubble
Got some shit to get off of my chest like a f*ckin bench press
Step out the trench got some stress to confess

Real talk debated writing a word of this but feelings persist
How can a father choose to walk away when a child exists
I know the timing was off and accidents happen
But how can you hold a child in your arms and fall of the wagon
You made your choice between bein what a family needen
And drinking yourself to death drowning as you feining
Twenty six years later enjoy the fruits of my labors
I have a daughter of my own that's yet to be on your radar
I could never imagine for a moment stepping out of her life
Or leaving her mother by herself to walk alone thru strife
What kind of man puts a selfish need like drinking
Before a mother and child you played a part in bringing
But am i even any better when at the same age i f*cked up
Got a girl knocked up and told her to get rid of the baby
Couldnt even show for all I know ive been a father since eighteen
So any anger I have for you offset by shots Im aimin at me

Thoughts on my mental they aint talkin gentle
They speak judgemental got issues parental
When a kids accidental then fate incidental
This weight continental on my shoulders monumental

My process aint pretty but pain aint glamorous
Fly in the sky on my high horse I am icarus
Im a hypocrite these thoughts are all cancerous
But im gonna rise from the ashes this is lazarus

Stepping out the picture is disrupting but who am I to judge
Putting your hands on a woman is disgusting bitch I got a grudge
Jealousy led you to put hands on a mother in front of her child
Jealousy led you to yellin that your own world shattered you exiled
Jealousy led you to slit your own wrist while her hair in your hand compiled
Now you wanna be apart of my life like this shit ever reconciled
All I see when I look at you is violence all I want from you is silence
What boy at twelve should have to start callin twelve to the street
As bloods shed a womans screams drownin out the sounds of police
You wonder why I changed my last name its cause of you I want no piece
Between us there will never be peace in my life you already deceased
The anger I've held for you all these years I've gotta release
I'm cleaning out my closet guess you'll have to find a new lease

Thoughts on my mental they aint talkin gentle
They speak judgemental got issues parental
Cycle of parents leaving holes in kids like dental
This weight continental on my shoulders monumental

My process aint pretty but pain aint glamorous
Fly in the sky on my high horse I am icarus
I will admit these thoughts are all cancerous
But im gonna rise from the ashes this is lazarus