[ Featuring The Goldfish ]
I've spent a month sitting alone in my bedroom
And biting my nails to the quick
Self pity so palpable, God I'm so sorry, I know I'm no fun when I'm sick
Then words like a dirge come out, droning and drawling
I'm scared that I'll push you away
I'm sorry I made say over and over and over and over you'll stay
Someday before the city floods I'll learn to be silent and still
Soft and serene like some lost ghibli scene, I have just got to find the right pill
And I will take your hand and we will watch the sun sink past the hills
Our sorrows so small til the sea takes us all
But at least we'll die feeling fulfilled
I know I'm a creature of flesh and of blood, and things cannot just stay the same
But God, if I could I'd abandon this brine be a being of melodyne, aspartame
Aritificial, but mine, not this body like turpentine, designed for their pleasure, their joy
A solvent for sorrows, a thing to be borrowed, some cracked uncontrollable toy
Someday before the city floods I'll leave these small devils behind
Though I didn't want them they haunt me and cling to the leg of my jeans while they cry
I'll feed them rusks and pablum, sing soft lullabies til they sleep
Then I will keep quiet and turn out the lights and I'll pray they're not dreaming of me
I swear before the city floods that
I'll do whatever it takes
Show all the right parts of me, harness my artistry, monetize all my mistakes
I'll show them that I'm trying that I haven't just lied through my teeth
And bask in the glory of telling my stories, the comfort of being believed
