It came upon the midnight clear
Wearing glycerine trousers and a newlyshaved beard
He offered me half of a fresh baguette
And gave his harmonica to a fried silhouette
We sat and talked and he told me then
He'd invented a liquid fountain pen
I asked for proof but he said "No way
"The rules are there to disobey"
The atmosphere became quite tense
'Cos he claimed I smelled of fifty pence
He shouted loudly "You're a disgrace"!
So I carved my initials into his face
By now the hour was getting late
And he asked to sleep on my dinner plate
I thought about it long and hard
And decided my neck was a Christmas card
He said he didn't enjoy our chat
He'd have preferred to melt my kitchen taps
But since I am a decent man
I threw at him a slice of spam
And so it was that moonlit night
A deranged Albino troglodyte
Came to me in the midnight clear
Wearing glycerine trousers and a newlyshaved beard