Girl In Red - if i could make it go quiet Album Lyrics

I'm running low on serotonin
Chemical imbalance got me twisting things
Stabilize with medicine
There's no depth to these feelings
Dig deep, can't hide
From the corners of my mind
I'm terrified of what's inside

I get
Intrusive thoughts like cutting my hands off
Like jumping in front of a bus
Like how do I make this stop
When it feels like my therapist hates me
Please don't let me go crazy
Put me in a field with daisies
Might not work but I'll take a maybe
Oh, been breaking daily
But only me can save me
So I'm capitulating
Crying like a f*cking baby

I'm running low on serotonin
Chemical imbalance got me twisting things
Stabilize with medicine
But there's no depth to these feelings
Dig deep, can't hide
From the corners of my mind
I'm terrified of what's inside

I get
Intrusive thoughts
Like burning my hair off
Like hurting somebody I love
Like does it ever really stop?
When there's control I lose it
Incredibly impulsive
So scared I'm gonna end up doing something stupid
But I try to contain it
Oh, it gets so draining
It's like my heart is failing
Every night I'm contemplating
My inner voices saying, "tough"
So I try to brush it off
Yeah, try to brush it off

I'm running low on serotonin
Chemical imbalance got me twisting things
Stabilize with medicine
But there's no depth to these feelings
Dig deep, can't hide
From the corners of my mind
I'm terrified of what's inside

You should know better now
To f*ck it up and f*ck around
See yourself through my eyes
You're so fake, it's all lies
Was she good? Just what you liked?
Did you cum? How many times?
Tell the truth, wait, nevermind

I can't forgive, I can't forget
I should have known you're full of it
I'm not upset, I'm f*cking pissed
I spelled it out, you're illiterate
Did you do the things you know I like?
Roll your tongue, make her cum twenty times?
Don't tell me to relax or try to get me back
I'm packing up your bags

You should know better now
To f*ck it up and f*ck around
See yourself through my eyes
You're so fake, it's all lies
Was she good? Just what you liked?
Did you cum? How many times?
Tell the truth, wait, nevermind

Never listen to a monologue
Told by a lying fraud
I don't need to make sense
Of all your bullshit reasons
Did you listen to her heartbeat like you did with me?
Was it more than sex? Pure physicality
Don't bother giving me any more bad apologies

You should know better now
To f*ck it up and f*ck around
See yourself through my eyes
You're so fake, it's all lies
Was she good? Just what you liked?
Did you cum? How many times?
Tell the truth, wait, nevermind

She was a different kind, made you feel satisfied
Momentary happiness makes you feel alive
You had it all but you get be easily seduced by
The things that rip me apart
I'm a safe bet but you get intrigued
By uncertainty and mystique
Was I stupid enough to believe
you would change that for me?

I've been in the deep end since I realized
There is a difference between body and mind
I've been at my lowest for the longest time
Knowing my existence is not one of a kind

But I've had my deepest cries for now
My heart's out
My guard's down
Yeah, I've had my deepest cries for now
My heart's out
My guard's down

I've been seeking solace in the strangest of things
Getting my hands dirty while I beat out the kinks
I've been chasing everything that makes me feel cold
Practicing self love is something I don't really know
So I suppose

I cannot live like this no more
Filling a lifetime with remorse
I'm closing up the void

But I've had my deepest cries for now
My heart's out
My guard's down
Yeah, I've had my deepest cries for now
My heart's out
My guard's down

Been in the deep end since I realized
There is a difference between body and mind
If I could make it go quiet inside
Get some rest for my weary eyes
Tonight, I'm giving my all for a remedy
Grant myself serenity
But if I don't leave it all behind

But I've had my deepest cries for now
My heart's out
My guard's down
Yeah, I've had my deepest cries for now
My heart's out
My guard's down

I'm in New York, thinking of you
Wondering what you are up to
From this lonely-ass hotel room
With a pretty good lookin' view

I am somewhere in the states
Going somewhere on a plane
It doesn't really matter as long as I'm
Always far away

Or maybe on a bus for months straight
Shit's fun but I'm going insane
Like it's been months since I've had sex
I'm just a horny little lovesick mess

And I don't wanna be the type of person who calls you up
Every time I need to get off but
I guess that's who I'm turning into
Oh f*ck

Down at Times Square in the rain
There's a billboard with my face
It's so weird how things have changed
Think about it every day

If I ever make it back
Will I find what we once had?
Guess I ruined us pretty bad
Oh-whoa

I'm in the same city as you
But I still don't come through
'Cause I've got so much to do
And that's the shittiest excuse

So don't ever take me back
Let's just face the fact
I treated you like trash
And you deserve more than that

My love comes out at midnight
My love comes out at midnight

My love comes out at midnight
My love comes out at midnight
My love comes out at midnight

I know I don't want to
Be the one that you run to
When you got nowhere else to go
When you need some love
I know I'm the last one
You try to call but
I always give in
To give you it all

Oh, oh
I can't be your midnight love
Oh, oh, oh
When your silver is my gold
Oh, oh, oh
In this light, I swear I'm blind
Oh, oh, oh
In this light, I swear you're mine

I hope that the right time one day arrives
So, I'll be willing to let this die
Able to look you right in the eyes
Say I'm not your consolation prize

Oh, oh
I can't be your midnight love
Oh, oh, oh
When your silver is my gold
Oh, oh, oh
In this light, I swear I'm blind
Oh, oh, oh
In this light, I swear you're mine

I can't be your second best
Close but not your favorite
I keep going back for more
Where there's nothing from before

I can't be your midnight love
Oh, oh, oh
When your silver is my gold

I can't be your second best
Close but not your favorite
I keep going back for more
Where there's nothing from before

You let the wrong people love you
Ooh-whoa, whoa, ooh-whoa, whoa
But you don't see that, do you?
No-whoa, no-whoa
When you cry and need my comfort
Ooh-whoa, whoa, ooh-whoa, whoa
I drop everything to come over
Ooh-whoa, whoa, ooh-whoa, whoa

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth
Just count to ten and try to breathe
You stupid bitch, can't you see?
The perfect one for you is me
The perfect one for you is me
The perfect one for you is me
You stupid bitch, can't you see?
The perfect one for you is me

You don't know what you deserve
That's why you end up hurt
But you never listen
Take my advice as criticism
Then make the worst decisions
Ooh-whoa, whoa, ooh-whoa, whoa

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth
Just count to ten and try to breathe
You stupid bitch, can't you see?
The perfect one for you is me
The perfect one for you is me
The perfect one for you is me
You stupid bitch, can't you see?
The perfect one for you is me

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth
Just count to ten and try to breathe
You stupid bitch, can't you see?
The perfect one for you is me
The perfect one for you is me
The perfect one for you is me
You stupid bitch, can't you see?
The perfect one for you is me

I remember you couldn't stop crying
You found me when I thought I was dying
Believe me when I say
I tried so hard to change
All the crazy shit I made you do
The long nights you held me through
Believe me when I say
I could never be saved
Be saved

Yeah, I tried
To get it off my mind
To leave it all behind
Don't wanna make it worse
I'm gonna make it work
Yeah, I tried
To get it off my mind
To leave it all behind
Don't wanna make it worse
I'm gonna make it work

I remember you stayed up all night
To make sure I was alright
Believe me when I say
I would have done the same
I hate the way my brain is wired
Can't trust my mind, it's such a liar
Believe me when I say
I can't carry the weight
The weight

Yeah, I tried
To get it off my mind
To leave it all behind
Don't wanna make it worse
I'm gonna make it work
Yeah, I tried
To get it off my mind
To leave it all behind
Don't wanna make it worse
I'm gonna make it work

Oh, I will make it work, I'll make it work
I'll make it work
Oh, I will make it work, I'll make it work
I'll make it work
Oh, I just left the dirt, yeah, off the curb
I'll do the work
Oh, I, I'm so disturbed, can't fix the hurt
Can't fix the hurt

Yeah, I tried
To get it off my mind
To leave it all behind
Don't wanna make it worse
I'm gonna make it work

Yeah, I tried
Yeah, I tried
Yeah, I tried
Yeah, I tried

There's a pain
There's no doubt
I've been through hell
But on my way out

And all the ways I've been torn
Stripped my heart to the core
All of my fears combined
Walking the thinnest of lines

When the sunlight hits the dust
And I can't get up
When the noise is way too much
I close the void and burn it off
But there's a crack in every wall
Is there a way out after all?
If I lose my grip and fall will I?

There's a place
With no hate
Touched by grace
Quiet as faith

Emptied my heart
Laid down my cards
Played my best part
Wanting a new start
All of my fears combined
Taught me to run and hide

When the sunlight hits the dust
And I can't get up
When the noise is way too much
I close the void and burn it off
But there's a crack in every wall
Is there a way out after all?
If I lose my grip and fall will I?

There's a dissonance in all that I do
Yeah, nothing feels right or true
Black out on the floor just once more

The place I call my home
Yeah, I could die here and nobody would know
Die here and nobody would know

When the sunlight hits the dust
And I can't get up
When the noise is just too much
I close the void and burn it off
But there's a crack in every wall
Is there a way out after all?
If I lose my grip and fall
Will I die?

Sitting in the backseat
We're driving so fast
Hands out the window
We're not going back

Summer on a green hill
Laughing so loud
Taking my body
And you're taking it down

Break me down
And I'll call you mine
And I know I've been around
And I'll call you mine and I'll

Break me down
And I'll call you mine
And I know I've been around

Sitting in the backseat
We're driving so fast
Living in a daydream
It's too good to last

Rainy days and bad luck
Coming my way
I look for you when I am lost
So I don't go insane

Break me down
And I'll call you mine
And I know I've been around
And I'll call you mine, so I'll

Break me down
And I'll call you mine
And I know I've been around

Show me that you really care
That you're really here
Show me that you're gonna stay
On my worst days
Hold me like you'll never leave
Like you'll never leave
Like you'll never leave

Break me down
And I'll call you mine
And I know I've been around

Break me down
And I'll call you mine
And I know I've been around
And I'll call you mine and I'll

Break me down
And I'll call you mine
And I know I've been around

[Instrumental]