gayrat - sinking ships Lyrics

Feeling lost and alone inside a sinking ship
Constant state of sheer disgust and honest loneliness
I miss when your hand was mine and mine alone
I miss when I ever felt like coming home
Days lately spent stressed, no idea of what comes next
Edge of my bed with pen and paper, how do I express
What makes me feel so empty inside
Like a part of my identity has suddenly died
And I am writing this eulogy to be read aloud by my family
Friends and those that know me know this isn't what I wanted to be
Not that I knew what I wanted to be at all,
Stopped knowing what life was supposed to mean, thrills came to a stall
A standstill, frozen frames of sheer panic
Maybe i just need your hand to hold, and it's
Always something that I'm chasing to express
"I won't feel so alone if I have this," unless
I finally get what I was chasing
End of it all, I still end up hating who i am
Standing at the edge of cliffs and ledges, why am I
Scared to be who I really am
You wouldn't accept that, or me, or anything i stand for
Always grasping at something that I really need more
But I have everything I need
Except for means to express the thoughts inside my head
Screaming at me that I am better off dead
I accept that I am no longer needed
But the scars on your legs tell me a whole different side of things
I loved you the same, the knife you dug through me denied that you
Ever loved me at all; but the wounds on you will heal, the ones inside of me won't
At the end of it all, I had given up hope
I was at the lowest point of my life
I was ready to say goodbye
But I didn't, I was too cowardly
Look where I am now, honestly I doubt I'd be here if it wasn't for
Finding another life to lead, something that means more than anything
I'd ever done before
I miss you and hate you and love you, and despite what you've done
I cannot forgive you
So I must move on