The Fauxriginals - The Recede Stampede Lyrics

I never thought you were my favorite asset
I never thought the blonde would turn to strawberry
Never want it gone I'd rather have it
But instead you said that you would rather leave
I wish I had an afro
Mullet with some cornrows
Bowl cut or a slick fade just like all the bros
Wish I had some dreadlocks
17 inch mohawk
Pompadour with sick braids reaching to my toes
I might accessorize
And hide you from their eyes
It's a simple disguise
To feel pretty inside
I'm telling you no lies
I've loved you all my life
Will you please multiply
Rather than say goodbye
You didn't want to grow
You didn't want to be
Thick and lush like the leaves on a summer tree
I didn't want to know
What male pattern means
You looked me in the eyes and said
F*ck off, watch me recede
I'll never be a Statham
Just another Jason
Alexander or maybe a Larry David clone
I wish I had Ron Swanson's
Not Dwayne the Rock Johnson's
Mop on top instead of a perfectly polished dome
I might accessorize
And hide you from their eyes
It's a simple disguise
To feel pretty inside
I'm telling you no lies
I've loved you all my life
Will you please multiply
Rather than say goodbye
You didn't want to grow
You didn't want to be
Thick and lush like the leaves on a summer tree
I didn't want to know
What male pattern means
You looked me in the eyes and said
F*ck off, watch me recede
I really wish I never took you for granted
I really wish I could swish you all across my face
I really want to flaunt you to the planet
But instead, I shed you right down the drain
You didn't want to grow
You didn't want to be
Thick and lush like the leaves on a summer tree
I didn't want to know
What male pattern means
You looked me in the eyes and said
F*ck
I wanna make you grow
I want people to see
Transplant it from my ass and plant it like a tree
No one will ever know
It's as fake as can be
I'll show it to the world and say
F*ck off, watch me deceive