In Search Of The Antidote Album Lyrics by Fletcher

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Maybe I Am

Here I f*ckin' go again
Holdin' up a match to everything I love
I'm burnin' down my world again, just because
Flyin' down the interstate
It's hard to see the road in front of all these tears
Your words are swirlin' in my brain, all I hear, you

You say that I'm a crazy bitch
I'm sick, I'm permanently numb
You say that I'm a narcissist
As if I haven't heard that one
You say I'm ruining my life on purpose
Just because I can
Maybe I, maybe I am
Maybe I, maybe I am

Everything you say I am
Maybe it's the truth and I'm delusional
I'm talking to myself again, all I hear
All I hear

You say that I'm a crazy bitch
I'm sick, I'm permanently numb
You say that I'm a narcissist
As if I haven't heard that one
You say I'm ruining my life on purpose
Just because I can
Maybe I, maybe I am
Maybe I, maybe I am

Maybe I am (ooh-ooh)
Maybe I am (ooh-ooh)
Maybe I am (ooh-ooh)
(Maybe I am, so what? Maybe I f*ckin' am)

You say I'm ruining my life on purpose
Just because I can
Maybe I am

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Doing Better

Your girlfriend never thanked me for being such a pyro
Lighting matches with my eyes closed
Kerosene in your mouth
Drove you so far away
It's like I went and dropped you off at her house

I know you kept my number in case you wonder
Like, "Where is she now?"
You say you wanna check in
You're only checking on how I turned out

I'm doing better, I don't know if you remember
When I told you in September that you wouldn't recognize me
When I'm in public and I just got back from London
Probably spent a couple hundred on some bougie f*ckin' IV's
I went and saw a psychic, went on a pussy diet
I always thought that I'd be happier if I could buy it
I'm doing better, I've been lookin' for my center
But my tummy still hurts, why does better feel worse? Ooh

Better feels worse, ooh
Better feels worse

Your girlfriend never thanked me for making her go viral
F*ck it, I'm her idol
I get sad and spiral
Yeah, I'll buy a new whip
But you'll never see me take the high road

I know you kept my number in case you wonder
Like, "Where is she now?"
You say you wanna check in
You're only checking on how I turned out

I'm doing better, I don't know if you remember
When I told you in December that you wouldn't recognize me
After the glow up, I was learnin' how to grow up
Had a wet dream then I woke up, I was on a stage with Miley
I felt like I was flyin', I felt the stars alignin'
I always thought that if I ever got this high, I'd like it
I'm doing better, I've been lookin' for my center
But my tummy still hurts, why does better feel worse? Ooh

Then why does better feel worse? Oh
Ooh, better feels worse
Smilin' on the outside, cryin' on the inside
You would never know 'cause I'm posing with my good side
Smilin' on the outside, dyin' on the inside

Smilin' on the outside, dyin' on the inside
You would never know, I'm posing with my good side
I'm doing better, I've been lookin' for my center
But my tummy still hurts, why does better feel worse? Oh

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Ego Talking

Ninety percent of the time I'd say I'm pretty mature for my age
And it's only half of a lie
When I say you'll find someone better someday

So go do it all, have the time of your life
And kiss every girl, let 'em all stay the night
If you're movin' on, I'll still lie to myself that you'll never love anybody else, right?

Oh-oh, you'll never f*ck somebody hard, right?
Oh-oh-oh
Hope my lips haunt you for life
Hearin' my name twists the knife
Hoping you stay brokenhearted
But that's just my ego talkin'

I'm happy for you
If they look just like a version of me
Ten out of ten with a view
But not as good as me stripping out of your t-shirt

So go do it all, have the time of your life
And kiss every girl, let 'em all stay the night
If you're movin' on, I'll still lie, lie, l-lie
If you fall for someone else, you're just killin' time, right?

Oh-oh, and she's just another seat filler, right?
Oh-oh-oh
Hope my lips haunt you for life
Hearin' my name twists the knife
Hoping you stay brokenhearted
But that's just my ego talkin'

That's just my, that's just my
That's just my ego talkin'
Screamin', fightin', swingin', cryin'
Bleedin' tonight
That's just my ego talkin'
Hurtin', stallin'
My heart is yours 'til I die
And you'll never love anybody else, right?

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Lead Me On

I was born to love you
You were born wild and free
I was made to find you
But your heart is constantly runnin'
Just never toward me

So why don't you just lead me on?
'Cause something is better than nothing at all
Yeah, I want you to lead me on
'Cause something, your something is better than nothing
Something, your something is better than nothing at all

It's hard to tame wild horses (it's hard to tame wild horses)
It's hard to stay sound asleep (sound asleep)
The thought of you is torture (the thought of you is torture)
But your heart is constantly runnin'
Just never toward me

So why don't you just lead me on?
'Cause something is better than nothing at all
Yeah, I want you to lead me on
'Cause something, your something is better than nothing
Your something, your something is better than nothing at all
Nothing at all
Nothing at all
Nothing at all

So why don't just lead me on?
'Cause something is better than nothing
At all, at all, at all

So why don't you just lead me on?
Something, your something is better than nothing
Your something, your something is better than nothing
Your something, your something is better than nothing
Just a little something, your something is better than nothing at all

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Two Things Can Be True

Did we take it too far? Maybe
Did I regret it then? No
Do I regret it now that we don't talk? Yeah
Did I want more than friends? Maybe
Should I have gotten involved? No
But did I like it every time we touched? Yeah

Now you found someone else to hold you
In all the ways I couldn't
It hurts, he makes you happier
You always wanted happier
I want that for you

Two things can be true
He can love you, baby, and baby, I can too
Things, they can be true
You can have his body and still think of mine too
You call still me up at night
He can still be the love of your life
You can ignore me in every room and still miss me
And me, two things can be true
He can love you, baby, and baby, I can too

Did I expect this outcome? Maybe
That you would end it first? No
Was I delusional in thinkin' I could be in your life after all of this? Yup

Someone else is holdin' you
In all the ways I couldn't
It hurts, he makes you happier
You always wanted happier
I want that for you

Two things can be true
He can love you, baby, and baby, I can too
Things, they can be true
You can have his body and still think of mine too
You call still me up at night
He can still be the love of your life
You can ignore me in every room and still miss me
And me, two things can be true
He can love you, baby, and baby, I can too

I don't wanna be him, I don't wanna be in your bed
But I still wanna be close to you, baby
I don't wanna be him, I still wanna lay in your head
Yeah, I still wanna be known to you, baby

Two things can be true
He can love you, baby, and baby, I can too
Things, they can be true
Everything you said, did you mean it? 'Cause I do

---

Eras Of Us

How are you doing?
Where have you been?
I've been practicing this moment for like twenty-somethin' years in my head
It's nice to meet you
That's what I said
You said, "Baby, this is gonna be some movie shit we'll never forget"

Sometimes I re-run those sixteen seasons for the rush

These are the eras of us, a story of love
Stealing the air right from my lungs
Girl of my dreams, forever we're young
Remember it just the way it was
The eras of us

I'm New York City (I'm New York City)
You were L.A. (you were L.A.)
I would fly across the country just to kiss you and be back in a day (oh-oh-oh)
We crashed just as quick as we burned, now someone new get a turn
I don't know you and it hurts (mm-hmm)
I told every one of my friends, you won't get a lyric again
But goddamn, here I f*ckin' am

Stuck in the eras of us, a story of love
Stealing the air right from my lungs
Girl of my dreams, forever we're young
Remember it just the way it was
The eras of us

I didn't mean it when I said I was numb
'Cause I'm feeling every feeling cuttin' straight to my guts
But the problem is that I'm just an adrenaline slut
Yeah, I said it, so what?
Lately, I've been swingin' fists and startin' a fight
I've been tryna kill the memory of you in my mind
It's a cross I'm gonna bear until the day that I die
Yeah, I said it

Oh, I miss the eras of us, a story of love
Stealing the air right from our lungs
Girl of my dreams, I f*cked it up
We had it all and now it's just

How are you doing?
Where have you been?
I've been practicing this moment, but I never thought I'd see you again

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Attached To You

I know my mom
She'd make you your favorite dish
She'd be obsessed with you quick
Like on night one
She'd welcome you in our home
Like you were one of our own
Give you that East Coast love
That's why I keep her at a bird's-eye view
So she doesn't get attached to you

And I know my dad
He'd say he's tempted to grill you
If you hurt me, he'd kill you
But he's not like that
You'd probably bond over Springsteen
And how much you both love me and vintage Cadillacs
That's why I keep him at a bird's-eye view
So he doesn't get attached to you

But come to think of it
I think I saw the end
You didn't get a chance to choose
There I go again
Makin' up a bad excuse
So I don't get attached to you
To you
Attached to you
To you

I know my friends
They'd talk conspiracy theories
You'd know more of them weirdly, you would pass their tests
They'd see how you keep me safe
And show up for me in ways that they could never imagine
That's why I keep 'em at a bird's-eye view
So they don't get attached to you

But come to think of it
I think I saw the end
You didn't get a chance to choose
There I go again
Makin' up a bad excuse
So I don't get attached to you
To you
Attached to you
To you

I'd rather walk on glass than give someone the opportunity to hurt me, I'd run like hell
And sabotage a good thing 'cause I'm so f*ckin' afraid it could be perfect
I'd rather walk on glass than give someone the opportunity to hurt me, I'd run like hell
And sabotage a good thing 'cause I'm so f*ckin' afraid it could be perfect
I know myself

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Crush

Bleedin'
First time we cut was the deepest
Miss all the lies and the secrets
Crave it, need it, I'm
Floatin'
Best when I'm lost in your ocean
I'm wet from all the emotion
So deep, oh shit

Call it quits
Pull the tourniquet
I'm a masochist
Rip out my guts

Won't you crush me under the weight of your body
You know I put you above me
I wanna cry when you f*ck me
I want your kisses to cut me
Come on, I dare you to love me
Wonderin' why won't you crush me
Won't you crush me?

It's a circuit
Loopin' around like a circus
Push me around, put your tongue in my mouth
Take me back to the ground, baby, I ain't no virgin (Uh-uh)
I'm not really one that will play it down
You're the only one that I think about, mm

I see heaven when you crush me under the weight of your body
You know I put you above me
I wanna cry when you f*ck me
I want your kisses to cut me
Come on, I dare you to love me
Wonderin' why won't you crush me
Won't you crush me?

Ah
Part of me wants forever
You're hard-wired in my brain
Part of me knows better
Maybe I'll listen someday
Part of me wants forever
You're hard-wired in my brain (Oh)
But part of me knows lettin' you go
Will crush me, crush me

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Pretending

One, two, three, four

We're talking small
Like how you been?
Like how's your mom?
And all your friends?
We're catching up
About all the bullshit trending
You crack a joke 'bout kissin' me
'Bout going there, 'bout lovin' me
I laugh it off
As if that shit wouldn't wreck me

As if I'm not what you're waiting for
Like I'm not in your ending
Yeah, for now we'll both keep on pretending

Yeah, for now we'll both keep on pretending

You drop me off
Your windows down
I'm lookin' in
You're lookin' out
I say goodnight
As if my heart isn't wrenchin'
I'll say it now (I'll say it now)
You're everything (you're everything)
Turn back around
And never leave
I type it out
As if that's the text I'm sending

As if I'm not what you're waiting for
Like I'm not in your ending
Yeah, for now we'll both keep on pretending

Yeah, for now we'll both keep on pretending
Keep on pretending
Keep on pretending
Keep on pretending
Yeah, for now we'll both keep on pretending

As if I'm not what you're waiting for
Like I'm not in your ending
Yeah, for now we'll both keep on
Yeah, for now we'll both keep on
Yeah, for now we'll both keep on
Yeah, for now we'll both keep on
Yeah, for now we'll both keep on pretending

Yeah, for now we'll both keep on pretending (now)
Keep on pretending (pretending)
Keep on pretending (pretending)
Keep on pretending
Yeah, for now we'll both keep on pretending

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Joyride

Ooh, ooh

We're standin' in the kitchen
We just f*cked for like six hours
Now you're gettin' in my head
Now you're drippin' down my leg
I was watchin' you bite down on a peach
I was lickin' a spoonful of peanut butter
Then you kissed me and I thought
"How the f*ck do these things go so damn good together?"

I, I, I, I, die
You were in my dreams
Now I'm in your bed
I, I, I, I, die
Went from unexpected
Now I'm just forgettin' all my exes

I think she's out of my league and I'm out of my mind
Now we're both going down, shooting stars out the sky
Nobody catches the girl, double dare you to try
Steal the keys to my heart, take it out for a joyride, ooh-ooh

Nowadays, balance can be hard to find
Who knew I'd meet somebody with a mind as perverted as mine
You, you don't have to be the rest of my life
Just take it out, take it out for a ride
Yeah, we're on a highway doin' ninety in a forty-five
Won't you kiss me hard in a Jersey dive
Love me forever like a husband
F*ck me now like a boyfriend, right?

I, I, I, I, die
You were in my dreams
Now I'm in your bed
I, I, I, I, die
Went from unexpected
Now I'm just forgettin' all my exes

I think she's out of my league and I'm out of my mind
Now we're both going down, shooting stars out the sky
Nobody catches the girl, double dare you to try
Steal the keys to my heart, take it out for a joyride, ooh-ooh

(Take it out for a joyride, for a joyride, ride)
(Take it out for a joyride)
(Take it out for a joyride, for a joyride)

I think she's out of my league and I'm out of my mind
Now we're both going down, shooting stars out the sky
Nobody catches the girl, double dare you to try
Steal the keys to my heart, take it out for a joyride

---

Antidote

Ooh-ooh

Launch me into your sky
Remind me I'm alive

Let everybody know (ooh)
Let everybody know (ooh)
Let everybody say what they wanna say, what they wanna say, baby
Let everybody talk (ooh)
They all got their stones to toss (ooh)
I know you're gonna find me if I lose my mind

I get high, I get high
I get low, I get low
You're my dopamine state
You're my sanity dose
I get high, I get high
On your new rockin' boat
You're the medication I wanna take
You are my antidote (you are my)
You are my antidote
(You) you are (are), you are (my), you are my antidote

Warm like my winter coat, oh
You're free like an open road

Yeah, you could let everybody know (ooh)
Let everybody know (ooh)
Let everybody say what they wanna say, what they wanna say, baby
Let everybody talk (ooh)
They all got their songs to toss (ooh)
I know you're gonna find me if I lose my mind

I get high, I get high
I get low, I get low
You're my dopamine state
You're my sanity dose
I get high, I get high
On your new rockin' boat
You're the medication I wanna take
You are my antidote (you are my)
You are my antidote
(You) you are (are), you are (my), you are my antidote

I get high, I get high
I get low, I get low
You're my dopamine state
You're my sanity dose
High, I get high
On your new rockin' boat
You're the medication I wanna take
You are my antidote (you are my)
You are my antidote, baby (dote)
Yes, you are, yes, you are, yes you are
(You) you are (are), you are (my), you are my antidote
(You) you are (are), you are (my), you are my antidote
(You) you are (are), you are (my), you are my anti-

Ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh