Feel So Bad - The Ballad Of Robert Moore And Betty Coltraine Lyrics

There was a thick-set man with frog-eyes was standing at the door
And a little bald man with wing-nuts ears was waiting in the car
Well, Robert Moore passed the frog-eyed man as he walked into the bar
And Betty Coltraine she jumped under her table

"What's your pleasure?" asked the barman, he had a face like boiled meat
"There's a girl called Betty Coltraine that I have come to see"
"But I ain't seen that girl 'round here for more than a week"
And Betty Coltraine she hid beneath the table

Well, then in came a sailor with mermaids tattooed on his arms
Followed by the man with wing-nut ears who was waiting in the car
Well, Robert Moore sensed trouble, he'd seen it coming from afar
And Betty Coltraine she gasped beneath the table

Well, the sailor said, "I'm looking for my wife!They call her Betty Coltraine"
And the frog-eyed man said, "That can't be!That's my wife's maiden name!"
And the man with the wing-nut ears said, "Hey, I married her back in Spain"
And Betty Coltraine crossed herself beneath the table

Well, Robert Moore stepped up and said, "That woman is my wife"
And he drew a silver pistol and a wicked Bowie knife
And he shot the man with the wing-nut ears straight between the eyes
And Betty Coltraine she moaned under the table

Well, the frog-eyed man jumped at Robert Moore who stabbed him in the chest
As Mr. Frog-Eyes died, he said, "Betty, you're the girl that I loved best"
Then the sailor pulled a razor and Robert blasted him to bits
And, "Betty, I know you're under the table!"

"Well, have no fear," said Robert Moore, "I do not want to hurt you
Never a woman did I love near half as much as you
You are the blessed sun to me, girl, and you are the sacred moon"
And Betty shot his legs out from under the table

Well, Robert Moore went down heavy with a crash upon the floor
And over to his thrashing body Betty Coltraine she did crawl
She put the gun to the back of his head and pulled the trigger once more
And blew his brains out all over the table

Well, Betty stood up and shook her head and waved the smoke away
Said, "I'm sorry, Mr. Barman, to leave your place this way"
As she emptied out their wallets, she said, "I'll collect my severance pay"
Then she winked and threw a dollar on the table