ETH3REAL - it hurts(knowing i was in the wrong) Lyrics

I wish I was normal and didn't play pretend
There's things in my mind that I wish would drop dead
Including myself, I'm just rotting in my bed
Spending my teen years on the edge of death
But I've grown as a person with a broken heart
I hit the biggest blinker on my stupid dying cart
It numbs the pain a little and helps me with my art
19 and I'm still laughing at a fart
I think I'm an addict
Or maybe not
I don't really know
It just really hurts
I think I miss her
I kinda do
Even if it was long ago
I hate myself
I hate my face
I hate my hair
I hate it all
They question how can I be insecure
Spend a day in my shoes, your in hell for a year
I hate what I'm becoming
I just cant see a meaning
To keep on f*cking living
Got a week left of breathing
I lost all my friends
I'm a selfish f*cking prick
Its hard to give a shit anymore and it hurts
My mind is shutting down
My soul can f*cking drown
Id rather be at peace
Making beautiful sounds
Than wanna f*cking die
In this manipulated lie
You can see it through my eyes
Tearing out of the disguise
The days and getting are harder
My entire body's weaker
My soul is sinking deeper
It hurts it f*cking hurts
I'm told to move past it
I'm told to move on
In a state of decay
I don't want it to hurt
But it f*cking hurts
And there's nothing I can do
I'm f*cking stuck in place and tripping on my shoe
Face first into problems
More and more I can never f*cking solve them
But I guess that's just the life of a f*ck up
Imp tired of being the f*ck up
That everyone said that I was, said that I was
I tell you it hurts, the pain getting worse
My scars just can't match the pain the words
My parents aren't proud of the things that I've done
To be honest I wouldn't if I was my son
I pushed them away the f*ck have I done?
It hurts knowing I was the one in the wrong