Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP 2 Album Lyrics

[Verse 1: Eminem]
It's like I'm in the dirt, digging up old hurt
Tried everything to get my mind off you, it won't work
All it takes is one song on the radio you're right back on it
Reminding me all over again how you f*cking just brushed me off
And left me so burned, spent a lot of time trying to soul search
Maybe I needed to grow up a little first
Well, looks like I hit a growth spurt
But I am coming for closure
Don't suppose an explanation I'm owed for
The way that you turned your back on me
Just when I may have needed you most
Oh, you thought it was over
You can just close the chapter
And go about your life, like it was nothing
You ruined mine, but you seem to be doing fine
I'd never recovered but tonight I betcha that whatcha
'bout to go through's tougher than anything I have suffered
Can't think of a better way to define poetic justice
Can I hold grudges, mind is saying: "let it go, f*ck this"
Heart is saying: "I will once I bury this bitch alive
Hide the shovel and then drive off in the sunset"

[Hook: Sarah Jaffe]
I flee the scene like it was my last ride
You see right through
Oh, you had me pegged the first time
You can't see the truth
But it's easier to justify
What's bad is good
And I hate to be the bad guy
I just hate to be the bad guy

[Verse 2: Eminem]
And to think I used to think you was the shit, bitch
To think it was you at one time I worshipped, shit
Think you can hurt people and just keep getting away with it?
Not this time, you better go and get sewing kit, bitch
Finish this stitch so you can reap what you sow, nitwit
Thought some time had past and I forget it, forget it!
You left our family in shambles
You expect me to just get over him? Pretend he never existed
Maybe gone, but he's not forgotten
And don't think cause he's been out the pictures so long
That I've stopped the plottin' and still ain't coming to get ya
You're wrong and that shit was rotten
And the way you played him, same shit you did to me
Have you any idea that shit I've gone through?
Feelings I harbor, all this pain of resentment I hold on to
Not once you called to ask me how I'm doing
Letters, you don't respond to 'em
F*ck it, I'm coming to see you
And gee who better to talk to than you?
The cause to my problems
My life is garbage and I'm 'bout to take it out on you
Poof, then I'm gone

[Hook]

[Verse 3: Eminem]
I've been driving around your side of the town
Like 9 frickin' hours and 45 minutes now
Finally I found your new address, park in your drive
Feel like I been waiting on this moment all of my life
And it's now arrived, and my mouth is full of saliva
My knife is out and I'm ducking on the side of your house
See, it's sad it came to this point
Such a disappointment I had to make this appointment to come and see ya
But ain't here for ya empathy, I don't need your apology
Or your friendship of sympathy, it's revenge that I seek
So I sneak vengefully and treat your bedroom window
Like I reach my full potential, I peeked
Continue to peep, still bent low
Keep tapping the glass lightly then start to crescendo
Sneak all the way 'round to the back porch
Man, door handles unlocked, shouldn't be that easy to do this
You don't plan for intruders before hand?
Surprised to see me? Cat got your tongue?
Gag, chloroform rag, gag almost half of a lung
Like you picked up an axe up and then swung
Stick to the core plan, drag to the back of a trunk
By one of your fans, irony spectacular, huh?
Now who's a faggot, you punk?
And here's your Bronco hat, you can have that shit back as they suck
It's just me, you and the music now, Slim
I hope you hear it we are in a car right now
Wait, here comes my favorite lyric
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
And hey, here's a sequel to my Mathers LP
Just to try to get people to buy
How's this for publicity stunt? This should be fun
Last album now cause after this you'll be officially done
Eminem killed by Eminem
Matthew Mitchell, bitch, I even have your initials
I initially was gonna bury you next to my brother, but f*ck it
Since you love your city so much
I figured, what the f*ck the best place you could be buried alive is right here
Two more exits, town is quite near
I hope we don't get stopped, no license I fear
That sirens I hear? Guess 90 on the freeway wasn't the brightest idea
As cops appear in my driver side mirror
(Help, police!!)
Hope foxtrot gets an aerial shot of your burial
New plan Stan
Slim, chauvinist pig drove in this big, lincoln town car
Well gotta go, almost at the bridge, haha big bro it's for you
Slim, this is for him and Frank Ocean, hope you can swim good!
Now say you hate homos again!

[Outro: Eminem]
I also represent anyone normally seen on the end of these jokes of a beat
I'm the nightmare you fell asleep in and woke up still in
I'm your karma closing in with each stroke of a pen
Perfect time to have some remorse to show for your sin
No, it's hopeless, I'm the denial that you're hopelessly in
When they say all of this is approaching its end
But you refuse to believe that it's over, here we go all over again
Backs to the wall, I'm stacking up all them odds, toilets cock
Yeah 'cause I'm talking a lot of shit but I'm backing it all up
But in my head there's a voice in the back and it hollas
After the track is demolished
I am your lack of a conscience
I'm the ringing in your ears
I'm the polyps on the back of your tonsils
Eating your vocal chords after your concerts
I'm your time that's almost up that you haven't acknowledged
Grab for some water but I'm that pill that's too jagged to swallow
I'm the bullies you hate that you became
With every faggot you slaughtered
Coming back on you every woman you insult there
With the double-standards you have when it comes to your daughters
I represent everything you take for granted
'Cause Marshall Mather's the rapper's persona's have a facade and
Matthew and Stan's just symbolic of you not knowing what you had until it's gone
'Cause after all the glitz and the glam no more fans that are calling your name
Cameras are off, sad but it happens to all of them,
I'm the hindsight to say, "I told you so!"
Foreshadows of all the things that are to follow
I'm the future that's here to show you what happens tomorrow
If you don't stop after they call you
The biggest laughing stock of rap who can't call it quits
But it's time to walk away
I'm ever guilt trip the baggage you had
But as you gather up all your possessions
If there's anything you have left to say
Unless it makes an impact don't bother
So before you rest your case
Better make sure you're packing a wallop
So one last time, I'm back
Before it fades into black and it's all over
Behold the final chapter in the saga
Trying to recapture that lightning trapped in a bottle
Twice the magic that started it all
Tragic portrait of an artist tortured
Trapped in his own drawings
Tap into thoughts
Blacker and darker than anything imaginable
Here goes a wild stab in the dark
As we pick up the last Mathers' left off

(Skit)
(don't kill me)
[shot]
Thank you!
[Eminem running]
Go, go, go (what the f..uck?)
What the f*ck are you doing?
Mothaf*cker bail on me? F*ck you!
[car stop working]
Aw, you gotta be f*cking kidding me...
Are you f*cking kidding me?
Shit!
Get off
[shot the dog]
(haha)
[wheezing]
The parking lot
Shit, ah!
(Let me see your hands, prank's over)
F*ck it!
[Shoots himself]

[Verse 1:]
(What's your name?) Marshall
(Who's your daddy?) I don't have one
My mother reproduced like a komodo dragon
And had me on the back of a motorcycle
Then crashed in the side of loco-motive with rap, I'm loco
It's like handing a psycho a loaded handgun
Michelangelo with a paint gun in a tantrum
About to explode all over the canvas
Back with the Yoda of rap in a spasm
(Your music usually has them)
(But waned for the game your enthusiasm it hasn't)
(Follow you must, Rick Rubin my little Padawan)
A Jedi in training, colossal brain and, thoughts of entertaining
But docile and impossible to explain and, I'm also vain and
Probably find a way to complain about a Picasso painting
Puke Skywalker, but sound like Chewbacca when I talk
Full of such blind rage I need a seeing eye dog
Can't even find the page, I was writing this rhyme on, (oh..)
Its on a rampage, couldn't see what I wrote I write small
(It says) Ever since I drove a 79 Lincoln with white walls
Had a fire in my heart, and a dire desire to aspire, to DIE HARD
So as long as I'm on the clock punching this time card
Hip hop ain't dying on my watch

[Hook:]
But sometimes, when I'm sleeping, she comes to me in my dreams
Is she taken? Is she mine? Don't got, I don't care, don't have two shits to give
Let me take you by the hand, to promise land, and threaten everyone
Cause there's no rhyme or no reason for nothing

[Bridge:]
Nah, (Whats your name?) Marshall
(Who's your daddy?) I don't know him, but I wonder
(Is he rich like me?) Haha
(Has he taken, any time, to show you what you need to live?)
NO

[Verse 2:]
If he had, he wouldn't have ended up in these rhymes on my pad
I wouldn't be so mad, my attitude wouldn't be so bad, yeah, dad
I'm the epitome and the prime example of what happens
When the power of the rhyme falls into the wrong hands, and
Makes you want to get up and start dancing
Even if it is Charles Manson who just happens, to be rapping
Blue lights flashing, laughing all the way to the bank
Lamping in my K-Mart mansion, I'm in the style department
With a pile in my car, ripping the aisle apart
With great power comes absolutely no responsiblity, for content
Completely, despondent, and condescending
The king of nonsense and controversy is on, a
Beat killing spree, your honor, I must, plea
Guilty, cause I sparked a, revolution
Rebel without a cause, who caused the evolution of rap
To take it to the next level, boost it
But several rebuked it, and whoever produced it
(Hip hop is the devil's music) Is that me? It belongs to me?
Cuz I just happen to be, a white honky devil with two horns
That don't honk but every time I speak you, hear a beep?
But lyrically I never hear a peep, not even a whisper
Rappers better stay clear of me, bitch
Cause it's the...

[Hook]

[Bridge:]
(Whats your name?) Shady
(Who's your daddy?) I don't give a f*ck, but I wonder
(Is he rich like me?) Doubt it, ha
(Has he taken, any time, to show you what you need to live?)

[Verse 3:]
So yeah dad let's walk
Let's have us a father and son talk
But I bet we probably wouldn't get one block
Without me knocking your block off
This is all your fault
Maybe that's why I'm always so bananas
I appeal to all those walks of like
Whoever had strife
Maybe that's what dad and son talks are like
Cause I related to the struggles of Young America
When their f*cking parents were unaware of their troubles
Now they're ripping out their f*cking hair again
It's a stare ruckle, I chuckle
Cause everybody bloodies their bare knuckles
Yeah, uh oh, better beware knuckleheads
The sound of my hustle says don't knock
The doors broken it won't lock
It might just fly open, get cold cocked
You critics come pay to me a visit
Misery loves company, please stay a minute
Kryptonite to a hypocrite
Zip your lip if you dish it but can't take it
Too busy getting stoned in your glass house
To kick rocks, and you wonder why I lash out
Mister Mathers as advertised on the flyers
Spread the word cause I'm promoting my passion till I'm passed out
A completely brain dead Rainman
Doing a bankhead in a restraint chair
So bitch, if you shoot me a look it better be a blank stare
Or get shanked in the pancreas, I'm angrier than
All 8 of the reindeer put together with Chief Keef
Cause I hate every f*cking thing, yeah
Even this rhyme bitch, and quit tryna look
For a f*cking reason for it that ain't there
But I still am a CRIMINAL
Ten year old degenerate grabbing on my GENITALS
The last Mathers LP that went diamond
This time I'm predicting this one will go EMERALD
When will the madness end, how can it when
There's no method the pad and pen
The only message that I have to say is:
Dad, I'm back at it again
Bitch

You f*cking cunt
Pick up the god damn phone

Bitch, where the f*ck were you Tuesday? With who you say?
I wasn't at the studio bitch, what'd you do? Screw Dre?
You went there looking for me?
Boo, that excuse is too lame
Keep playin' me, you're gonna end up with a huge goose egg
You fake, lying slut, you never told me you knew Drake
And Lupe? You wanna lose two legs?
You tryin' to flip this on me?
If I spent more time with you, you say
"Okay, yeah, and I'm cuckoo eh?" Well, screw you
And I'll be the third person who screwed you today
Oh, fourth; Dre, Drake, Lupe, ooh touché
But you're too two-faced for me
Thought you was my number one true blue ace, but you ain't
And I can't see you when you make that wittle boo-boo face
'Cause I'm hanging up this phone, boo
You make my f*ckin' Bluetooth ache
You're feeling blue? Too late
Go smurf yourself, you make me wanna smurf and puke blue Kool Aid
Here's what you say to someone you hate

My life would be so much better
If you just dropped dead (dead)
I was laying in bed last night thinking
And this thought just popped in my head
And I thought, wouldn't shit just be a lot easier
If you dropped dead? (Dead)
I would feel so (so) much (much) better (better, better, better)

Think I just relapsed, this bitch pushed me over the brink
Hop on the freeway, tryna get some time alone and just think
'Til the cops pulled me over but they let me go
'Cause I told 'em I'm only driving drunk
'Cause that bitch drove me to drink
I'm back on my "f*ck hoes", with a whole new hatred for blondes
But bias? I hate all bitches the same baby, come on
Excuse the pun, but bitch is such a broad statement
And I am channelin' my anger through every single station it's on
'Cause a woman broke my he-art, I say he-art
'Cause she ripped it in two pa-arts
And threw it in the garbage, who do you think you are?
Bitch, guess it's time for me to get the dust off
And pick myself up off the carpet
But I'll never say the L-word again
I lo-lo-lo-lo lesbian, ah
I hope you hear this song and go into a cardiac arrest
My life would be so much better if you just

My life would be so much better
If you just dropped dead (dead)
I was laying in bed last night thinking
And this thought just popped in my head
And I thought, wouldn't shit just be a lot easier
If you dropped dead? (Dead)
I would feel so (so) much (much) better (better, better, better)

'Cause you told me
You'd love me
Forever
Bitch, that was a lie
Now I never
Wanted someone to die
So bad in my f*cking life
But f*ck it, there's other fish in the sea

And I'ma have a whale of a time
Being a single sailor for the night, bitch, on a scale of
One to ten shit, I must be the Holy Grail of
Catches, hoe, I got an Oscar attached to my f*cking name (De La)
I might hit the club, find a chick that's tailor-
Made for me, say "f*ck it", kick some shots back, get hammered and nail her
These bitches tryna get attached but they're failin'
To latch onto the tail of my bumper
They're scratching at the back of my trailer like I'm itchin' to get hitched
Yeah, I'm rich as a bitch, but bitches ain't shit
I'd rather leave a bitch in a ditch
Bitch, you complain when you listen to this
But you still throw yourself at me
That's what I call pitchin' a bitch
That's why I'm swinging at these chicks on sight
Long as I got a bat and two balls, it's foul, but my dick's on strike
So all that love shit is null and void, bitch, I'm a droid
I avoid Cupid, stupid, wasn't for blowjobs you'd be unemployed
Oi oi oi, man oh man, you boy boy boy's
Getting sick at these girls, girls, girls
Oink, oink, oink
You f*cking pigs, all you're good for is doink, doink, doink
I got ninety-nine problems and the bitch ain't one
She's all ninety-nine of 'em I need a machine gun
I take 'em all out (all out), I hope you hear this song
And go into a cardiac arrest
Have a heart attack and just drop dead
And I'ma throw a f*cking party after this, 'cause yes

My life would be so much better
If you just dropped dead (I hate you)
I was laying in bed last night thinking
And this thought just popped in my head (you made me this way)
And I thought, wouldn't shit just be a lot easier
If you dropped dead? (Dead)
I would feel so (so) much (much) better (better, better, better)

I'm just playin', bitch, you know I love you

Yeah.

[Hook: Liz Rodrigues]
This is survival of the fittest
This is do or die
This is the winner takes it all
So take it all

[Verse 1]
Wasn't ready to be no millionaire, I was ill-prepared
I was prepared to be ill though, the skill was there
In the beginning, it wasn't 'bout the ends
It was 'bout busting raps and standing for something, f*cking acronym
Cut the f*cking act like you're happy, I'm f*cking back again
With another anthem, why stop when it doesn't have to end?
It ain't over 'til I say it's over - enough when I say enough
Throw me to them wolves and close the gate up
I'm afraid of what'll happen to them wolves
When the thought of being thrown into an alligator pit, I salivated it
Weight is up, hands up like it's 12 noon, nah, homie
Hold them bitches straighter up, wave 'em 'til you dislocate a rotator cuff
Came up rough, came to ruffle feathers, nah, egos
I ain't deflate enough, last chance to make this whole stadium erupt cause

[Hook]

[Verse 2]
I can see the finish line with each line that I finish
I'm so close to my goals I can almost pole vault over the goal post
And if I don't got enough in the tank, maybe I can just siphon enough
To fill up this last can, man will I survive in this climate or what?
They said I was washed up, and kinda blood-bathed
I'm not a rapper, I'm an adapter, I can adjust
Plus I can just walk up to a mic and just bust
So floor's open if you'd like to discuss
Top 5 in this motherf*cker and if I don't make the cut
What, like I give a f*ck, I'mma light this bitch up like I'm driving a truck
To the side of a pump, 0 to 60 hop in and gun it
Like G-Unit without the hyphen, I'm hyping 'em up
And if there should ever come a time where my life's in a rut
And I look like I might just give up, eh might've mistook
Me for bowing out I ain't taking a bow, I'm stabbing myself
With a f*cking knife in the gut, while I'm wiping my butt!
Cause I just shitted on the mic, and I like getting cut
I get excited at the sight of my blood, you're in a fight with a nut
Cause I'mma fight 'til I die or win
Biting the dust it'll just make me angrier, wait
Let me remind you of what got me this far, picture me quitting
Now draw a circle around it and put a line through it, slut
It's survival of what?

[Hook]

[Verse 3]
So get your ideas, stack your ammo
But don't come unless you come to battle, I'm mad now jump in the saddle
This is it, it's what you eat, sleep, piss and shit
Live, breathe, your whole existence just consists of this
Refuse to quit, fuse is lit, can't diffuse the wick
I don't do this music shit, I lose my shit
Ain't got shit to lose, it's the moment of truth
It's all I know how to do, as soon as I get thrown in the booth, I spit
But my respect is overdue, I'm showing you the flow no one do
Cause I don't own no diploma for school, I quit!
So there's nothing for me to fall back on, I know no other trades
So you better trade your f*cking mics in for some tool-box-es
Cause you'll never take my pride from me
It'll have to be pried from me, so pull out your pliers and your screwdrivers
But I want you to doubt me, I don't want you to believe
Cause this is something that I must use to succeed
And if you don't like me then f*ck you!
Self esteem must be f*cking shooting through-the-roof cause trust me
My skin is too thick and bullet proof to touch me
I can see why the f*ck I disgust you
I must be allergic to failure cause every time I come close to it
I just sneeze, but I just go atchoo then achieve!

[Hook]

Tell me where to go, tell me what to do
I'll be right there for you
Tell me what to say, no matter if it's true
I'll say it all for you (for you, for you, for you)

I used to be the type of kid that would always think the sky is falling
Why am I so differently wired? Am I a Martian?
What kind of twisted experiment am I involved in?
'Cause I don't belong in this world
That's why I'm scoffing at authority, defiant often
Flying off at the handle with my mom, no dad
So I'm non-compliant at home, at school I'm just shy and awkward
And I don't need no goddamn psychologist
Trynna diagnose why I have all these underlying problems
Thinking he can try and solve them
I'm outside chalking up drawings on the sidewalk
And in the front drive talking to myself
Either that or inside hiding often, in the corner somewhere, quiet
Trying not to be noticed 'cause I'm crying and sobbing
I had a bad day at school, so I ain't talking
Some cocksucker shoved me into a f*cking locker
'Cause he said that I eyeballed him

And if you fall, I'll get you there
I'll be your savior from
All the wars that are fought
Inside your world
Please have faith in my words

'Cause this is my legacy, legacy, here
This is my legacy, legacy, here
There's no guarantee, it's not up to me, you can only see
This is my legacy, legacy
Legacy, legacy

I used to be the type of kid that would always think the sky is falling
Why am I so differently wired in my noggin?
'Cause sporadic as my thoughts come, it's mind boggling
'Cause I obsess on everything, in my mind small shit
Bothers me but now my father, he said sayonara then split
But I don't give a shit, I'm fine as long as
There's batteries in my Walkman nothing is the matter with me
Shit look at the bright side, at least I ain't walking
I bike ride through the neighborhood of my apartment
Complex on a ten speed which I've acquired parts that I
Find in the garbage, a frame and put tires on it
Headphones on, straight ahead and kids try and start shit
But if this is all there is for me life offers
Why bother even try and put up a fight? It's nonsense
But I think a light bulb just lit up in my conscience
What about them rhymes I've been jottin'
They're kinda giving me confidence
Instead of tryna escape through my comics
Why don't I just blast a little something like Onyx
To put me in the mood to wanna fight and write songs that
Say what I wanna say to the kid that said that I eyeballed him
Grab hold of my balls like "that's right fight's on bitch"
Who would've knew from the moment I turned the mic on
I could be iconic, and my conquest
Is word to Phife Dawg from a Tribe Called Quest

This is my legacy, legacy, here
This is my legacy, legacy, here
There's no guarantee, it's not up to me, you can only see
This is my legacy, legacy
Legacy, legacy

I used to be the type of kid that would always think the sky is falling
Now I think the fact that I'm differently wired's awesome
'Cause if I wasn't I wouldn't be able to work
Words like this and connect lines like crosswords
And use my enemy's words as strength (strength)
To try and draw from, and get inspired off 'em
'Cause all my life I was told and taught I am not shit
By you whack f*cking giant sacks of lying dog shit (dog shit)
Now you shut up bitch, I am talking
Thought I was full of horseshit and now
You f*cking worship the ground on which I am walking (I am walking)
Me against the world so what? I'm Brian Dawkins
Versus the whole oh and sixteen Lions offense
So bring on the Giants, Falcons and Miami Dolphins
It's the body bag game bitch, I'm supplying coffins
'Cause you dicks, butt kiss, bunch of Brian Baldingers
You gon' die a ball licker I've been diabolical
With this dialogue since '99 Rawkus
You don't respect the legacy I leave behind y'all can
Suck a dick, the day you beat me, pigs'll fly out my ass
And a flying saucer full of Italian sausage
The most high exalting and I ain't halting
'Til I die of exhaustion inhale my exhaust fumes (exhaust fumes)
The best part about me, is I am not you
I'm me, and I'm the fire Marshall and this is my (this is my)

Legacy, legacy, here
This is my legacy, legacy, here
There's no guarantee, it's not up to me, you can only see
This is my legacy, legacy
Legacy, legacy

[Verse 1:]
I came to the world at a time when it was in need of a villain
An asshole, that role I think I succeed in fulfilling
But don't think I ever stopped
To think I was speaking to children
Everything was happening so fast
It was like I blinked, sold three million
Then it all went blank, all I remember
Is feeling ridiculous cause I was getting sick of this feeling
Like I am always under attack man
I could have stacked my shit list to the ceiling
Women dish him but really thinking
If anyone ever talks to one of my little girls like this I would kill him
Guess I'm a little bit of a hypocrite
When I'm ripping shit, but since when did this many
People ever give a shit but I had to say
It's just my opinion
If it contradicts how I'm living
Put a dick in your rear end and guess what
Every time you mention a lyric, I thank you for it
For drawing more attention toward it
Cause it gave me an enormous platform of platitude
Thought I was that important
But you can't ignore the fact that I fought for the respect
And battle for it, mad awards, act paranoid
Attaboy, they told me to slow down, and I just zone out
Good luck trying to convince a blonde
That's like telling Gwen Stefan' that she sold out
Cause I was tryna leave, no doubt
In anyone's mind one day I'd go down
In history think they know now
Because everybody knows

[Hook - Skylar Grey:]
Everybody knows that you're just an asshole
Everywhere that you go, people wanna go
"Oh, everyone knows"
Everybody knows, so don't pretend to be nice
There's no place you can hide
You are just an asshole
Everyone knows, everyone knows

[Verse 2:]
Thanks for the support, asshole [*scratch*] thanks for the support, asshole
Quit acting salty, I was counting on you to count me out as Asher Roth
When he round-a-bout dissed me to shout me out
Thought I was history
But goddamn, honkey, that compliment's like backhanding a donkey
Good way to get your ass socked in the mouth
Lay'em off it
But what the f*ck is all this thrash talking about
The fight was fixed, I'm back and you can't stop me
You knock me down, I went down from the counter
I fell but the fans caught me, and now
You're gonna have to beat the f*ckin pants off me
To take my belt, word to Pacquiao
Momma said there ain't nothing else to talk about
Gotta go in that ring and knock them out
Or you better not come out
It's poetry in motion, like Freddie Roach when he's quoting Shakespeare
So what if the insults are revolting
Even Helen Keller knows life stinks
You think it's a joke til you're bullet riddled
But you should give little shit what I think
This whole world is a mess
Gotta have a goddamn vest on your chest, and a Glock
Just to go out watch Batman
Who needs a test to test the testicles, not that man
Half of you don't got the guts and intestinal blockage
Rest of you got lap bands stuck to this model
Before they put bathsalts and all those water bottles in Colorado
So get lost, Waldo
My soul's escaping through this asshole that is gaping
A black hole that I'm swallowing this track whole
With a pack torn of paper
But I'm not taking no crap, ho
Here I go down the back pole
And I'm changing back into that old maniac in fact there it go
Trying to dip through the back door retreating cause everybody knows

[Hook]

[Verse 3:]
Holy mackeral, I'm the biggest jerk on the planet earth
I smack the girl off the mechanical bull, then attract the bull
Thinkin we have some magnetic pull
Screamin ICP in this bitch, how do magnets work!?
Cause you're attractive, but we ain't attractable
Hate to be dramatical, but I'm not romantical
I'm making up words you can understandable, It's tragical
Thinkin some magical shit's gonna happen? That ain't practical
You crackin a joke, it's laughable, cause me and love's like a bad combination
I keep them feelings locked in a vault
So it's safe to say I'm uncrackable
My heart is truly guarded, full body armor
Bitch you just need a helmet because if you think you're special, you're retarded.
Thinkin you're one of a kind, like you got some platinum vagina, you're a train wreck, I got a one track mind
Shorty you're fine but you sort of remind me of a 49er
Cause you been a gold digger since you were a minor
Been tryina, hunt me down like a dog, cause you're on my ass
But you can't get a scent because all of my spare time is spent
With my nose in this binder, so don't bother tryin
Only women that I love are my daughters
And sometimes I rhyme and it sounds like I forget I'm a father, and I push it further
So father forgive me if I forget to draw the line
It's apparent I shouldn't of been a parent I'll never grow up
So to hell with your parents, and motherf*cking father time
And it ain't never gonna stop. A pessimist who transforms you to Optimus in his prime, so even if I'm half dead, I'm half alive
Throw all my half empty glass in a cup, now my cup is runneth over
And I'm about to set it on you like a motherf*cking coaster
I'm goin back to what got me here, yeah cocky, and can't not been? rude off? so fear not my dear, and dry up your teardrops I'm here
White America's mirror, so I feel awkward and weird, you stare at me and see yourself, because you're one too. You shouldn't be as shocked, because everybody knows.

Now this shit's about to kick off, this party looks wack
Let's take it back to straight hip-hop and start it from scratch
I'm 'bout to bloody this track up, everybody get back
That's why my pen needs a pad 'cause my rhymes on the rag
Just like I did with addiction I'm 'bout to kick it
Like a magician, critics I turn to crickets
Got 'em still on the fence whether to pick it
But quick to get impaled when I tell 'em, "Stick it"
So sick, I'm looking pale, well that's my pigment
'Bout to go ham, ya bish, shout out to Kendrick
Let's bring it back to that vintage Slim, bitch
The art of MCing mixed with da Vinci and MC Ren
And I don't mean Stimpy's friend, bitch
Been public enemy since you thought PE was gym, bitch

Kick your shoes off, let your hair down and
(Go berzerk) all night long
Grow your beard out, just weird out and
(Go berzerk) all night long

We're gonna rock this house until we knock it down
So turn the volume loud, 'cause it's mayhem 'til the A.M.
So, baby, make just like K-Fed and let yourself go, let yourself go
Say, "F*ck it" before we kick the bucket
Life's too short to not go for broke
So everybody, everybody (go berzerk)
Grab your vial, yeah

Guess it's just the way that I'm dressed, ain't it?
Khakis pressed, Nike shoes crispy and fresh laced
So I guess it ain't
That aftershave or cologne that made 'em just faint
Plus I just showed up with a coat fresher than wet paint
So if love is a chess game, check mate
But girl your body's banging, jump me in, gang bang bang
Yessiree Bob, I was thinking the same thing
So come get on this kid's rock, ba-wit-da-ba dang-dang
P-p-p pow-pow, chicka-bow, chicka-bow-wow
Got your gal blowin' up a valve, v-v-valve-valve
Ain't slowin' down, throw in the towel, t-t-towel-towel
Dumb it down, I don't know how, huh-huh, how-how
At least I know that I don't know
Question is, are you bozos smart enough to feel stupid?
Hope so, now ho

Kick your shoes off, let your hair down and
(Go berzerk) all night long
Grow your beard out, just weird out and
(Go berzerk) all night long

We're gonna rock this house until we knock it down
So turn the volume loud, 'cause it's mayhem 'til the A.M.
So crank the bass up like crazy and let yourself go, let yourself go
Say, "F*ck it" before we kick the bucket
Life's too short to not go for broke
So everybody, everybody (go berzerk)
Grab your vi-

Everybody

And they say that love is powerful as cough syrup and Styrofoam
All I know is I fell asleep and woke up in that Monte Carlo
With the ugly Kardashian
Lamar, oh sorry, yo, we done both set the bar low
Far as hard drugs are though, that's the past
But I done did enough codeine to knock Future into tomorrow
And, girl, I ain't got no money to borrow
But I am tryin' to find a way to get you alone, car note
Oh, Marshall Mathers shithead with a potty mouth
Get the bar soap lathered, Kangols and Carheartless Cargos
Girl, you're fixin' to get your heart broke, don't be absurd ma'am
You birdbrain baby, I ain't called anybody baby since Birdman
Unless you're a swallow (ha-ha)
Word, Rick? Word, man you heard, but don't be discouraged, girl
This is your jam, unless you got toe jam

Kick your shoes off, let your hair down and
(Go berzerk) all night long
Grow your beard out, just weird out and
(Go berzerk) all night long

We're gonna rock this house until we knock it down
So turn the volume loud, 'cause it's mayhem 'til the A.M.
So, baby, make just like K-Fed and let yourself go, let yourself go
Say, "F*ck it" before we kick the bucket
Life's too short to not go for broke
So everybody, everybody (go berzerk)
Grab your vial, yeah

We're gonna rock this house until we knock it down
So turn the volume loud, 'cause it's mayhem 'til the A.M.
So crank the bass up like crazy and let yourself go, let yourself go
Say, "F*ck it" before we kick the bucket
Life's too short to not go for broke
So everybody, everybody (go berzerk)
Grab your vial, ye-

Look, I was gonna go easy on you and not to hurt your feelings
But I'm only going to get this one chance (six minutes, six minutes)
Something's wrong, I can feel it (six minutes, six minutes, Slim Shady, you're on)
Just a feeling I've got, like something's about to happen, but I don't know what
If that means what I think it means, we're in trouble, big trouble
And if he is as bananas as you say, I'm not taking any chances
You are just what the doctor ordered

I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod
Now who thinks their arms are long enough to slap box, slap box?
They said I rap like a robot, so call me Rapbot

But for me to rap like a computer must be in my genes
I got a laptop in my back pocket
My pen'll go off when I half-cock it
Got a fat knot from that rap profit
Made a livin' and a killin' off it
Ever since Bill Clinton was still in office
With Monica Lewinsky feelin' on his nutsack
I'm an MC still as honest
But as rude and indecent as all hell syllables, killaholic (kill 'em all with)
This flippity dippity-hippity hip-hop
You don't really wanna get into a pissing match with this rappidy brat
Packin' a MAC in the back of the Ac', backpack rap crap, yap-yap, yackity-yack
And at the exact same time, I attempt these lyrical acrobat stunts while I'm practicin' that
I'll still be able to break a motherf*ckin' table
Over the back of a couple of faggots and crack it in half
Only realized it was ironic I was signed to Aftermath after the fact
How could I not blow? All I do is drop F-bombs, feel my wrath of attack
Rappers are having a rough time period, here's a Maxipad
It's actually disastrously bad
For the wack, while I'm masterfully constructing this masterpièce

'Cause I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod
Now who thinks their arms are long enough to slap box, slap box?
Let me show you maintaining this shit ain't that hard, that hard
Everybody want the key and the secret to rap immortality like I have got

Well, to be truthful the blueprint's simply rage and youthful exuberance
Everybody loves to root for a nuisance
Hit the Earth like an asteroid, did nothin' but shoot for the moon since (pew)
Mc's get taken to school with this music
'Cause I use it as a vehicle to bus the rhyme
Now I lead a new school full of students
Me? I'm a product of Rakim
Lakim Shabazz, 2Pac, N.W.A, Cube, hey Doc, Ren, Yella, Eazy, thank you, they got Slim
Inspired enough to one day grow up, blow up and be in a position
To meet Run-D.M.C and induct them into the motherf*ckin' Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame
Even though I walk in the church and burst in a ball of flames
Only hall of fame I'll be inducted in is the alcohol of fame on the wall of (shame)
You fags think it's all a game 'til I walk a flock of flames
Off a plank and tell me what in the f*ck are you thinkin'?
Little gay lookin' boy
So gay I can barely say it with a straight face lookin' boy
You witnessin' a mass-occur
Like you're watchin' a church gathering take place lookin' boy
"Oy vey, that boy's gay", that's all they say, lookin' boy
You get a thumbs up, pat on the back
And a "Way-to-go" from your label every day, lookin' boy
Hey, lookin' boy, what you say, lookin' boy?
I get a "Hell yeah" from Dre, lookin' boy
I'ma work for everything I have
Never asked nobody for shit, get outta my face, lookin' boy
Basically boy, you're never gonna be capable
Of keepin' up with the same pace, lookin' boy

'Cause I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod
The way I'm racin' around the track, call me NASCAR, NASCAR
Dale Earnhardt of the trailer park, the White Trash God
Kneel before General Zod, this planet's Krypton, no Asgard, Asgard

So you be Thor and I'll be Odin, you rodent, I'm omnipotent
Let off then I'm reloadin' immediately with these bombs I'm totin'
And I should not be woken
I'm the walkin' dead, but I'm just a talkin' head, a zombie floatin'
But I got your mom deep-throatin'
I'm out my ramen noodle, we have nothin' in common, poodle
I'm a Doberman, pinch yourself in the arm and pay homage, pupil
It's me, my honesty's brutal
But it's honestly futile if I don't utilize what I do though
For good at least once in a while
So I wanna make sure somewhere in this chicken scratch I scribble and doodle
Enough rhymes to maybe to try to help get some people through tough times
But I gotta keep a few punchlines just in case 'cause even you unsigned
Rappers are hungry lookin' at me like it's lunchtime
I know there was a time where once I
Was king of the underground, but I still rap like I'm on my Pharoahe Monch grind
So I crunch rhymes, but sometimes when you combine
Appeal with the skin color of mine
You get too big, and here they come tryin' to
Censor you like that one line I said on "I'm Back" from the Mathers LP One
When I tried to say, "I'll take seven kids from Columbine
Put 'em all in a line, add an AK-47, a revolver and a nine"
See if I get away with it now that I ain't as big as I was, but I'm
Morphin' into an immortal comin' through the portal
You're stuck in a time warp from 2004 though
And I don't know what the f*ck that you rhyme for
You're pointless as Rapunzel with f*ckin' cornrows
You write normal? F*ck being normal
And I just bought a new ray-gun from the future
Just to come and shoot ya like when Fabolous made Ray J mad
'Cause Fab said he looked like a fag at Mayweather's pad
Singin' to a man while he played piano
Man, oh man, that was a 24/7 special on the cable channel
So Ray J went straight to the radio station the very next day
"Hey, Fab, I'ma kill you"
Lyrics coming at you at supersonic speed, (JJ Fad)
Uh, sama lama duma lama, you assumin' I'm a human
What I gotta do to get it through to you, I'm superhuman?
Innovative and I'm made of rubber
So that anything you say is ricochetin' off of me and it'll glue to you
I'm devastating, more than ever demonstrating
How to give a motherf*ckin' audience a feelin' like it's levitating
Never fading, and I know that the haters are forever waiting
For the day that they can say I fell off, they'll be celebrating
'Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated
I make elevating music, you make elevator music
Oh, he's too mainstream
Well, that's what they do when they get jealous, they confuse it
It's not hip-hop, it's pop, 'cause I found a hella way to fuse it
With rock, shock rap with Doc
Throw on Lose Yourself and make 'em lose it
I don't know how to make songs like that
I don't know what words to use
Let me know when it occurs to you
While I'm rippin' any one of these verses diverse as you
It's curtains, I'm inadvertently hurtin' you
How many verses I gotta murder to
Prove that if you were half as nice, your songs you can sacrifice virgins too? Uh
School flunkie, pill junkie
But look at the accolades the skills brung me
Full of myself, but still hungry
I bully myself 'cause I make me do what I put my mind to
And I'm a million leagues above you, ill when I speak in tongues
But it's still tongue in cheek, f*ck you
I'm drunk so Satan take the f*cking wheel, I'm asleep in the front seat
Bumping Heavy D and the Boys, still chunky but funky
But in my head, there's something I can feel tugging and struggling
Angels fight with devils and here's what they want from me
They're askin' me to eliminate some of the women-hate
But if you take into consideration the bitter hatred I have
Then you may be a little patient and more sympathetic to the situation
And understand the discrimination
But f*ck it, life's handing you lemons, make lemonade then
But if I can't batter the women, how the f*ck am I supposed to bake them a cake then?
Don't mistake him for (Satan)
It's a fatal mistake if you think I need to be overseas
And take a vacation to trip a broad
And make her fall on her face and
Don't be a retard, be a king? Think not
Why be a king when you can be a God?

[Intro:]
Eminem Has a full line of chainsaws
Eminem..Eminem..Eminem..Eminem
Marshall Mathers, Eminem, the rapper...Eminem
Who can say fore sure?
Perhaps a frontal lobotomy would be the answer
If science can operate on this distorted brain and put it to good use
Society will reap a great benefit

[Verse 1:]
I walk around like a space cadet, place your bets
Who's likely to become a serial killer? Case of tourettes
F*ck f*ck f*ck, can't take the stress
I make a mess as the day progresses
Angry and take it out on the neighbours hedges
Like this is how I'll cut your face up bitches
With these hedge trimming scisors with razor edges
Imagination's dangerous, it's the only way to escape this
Mess and make the best of this situation, I guess
Cuz I feel like a little bitch's, predicaments, despicable
I'm sick of just getting pushed, it's ridiculous
I look like a freaking woos, a pussy
This kid just took my stick of liquorice
And threw my sticker books in a picker bush
I wanna kick his toosh, but I was six and shook
This f*cker was 12 and was 6 foot, with a vicious hook
He hit me, I fell, I got back up, all I did was book, now there's using your head

[Hook:]
Mama always said "If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous
A brain you'd be dangerous" (Mama could be wrong)
Mama, Ima grow a name and be famous
And I'mma be a pain in the anus
(Mama could be wrong)
I'mma use my head as a weapon
Find a way to escape this insaneness
Mama always said 'Son, If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous
Guess it pays to be brainless

[Verse 2:]
Fast forward some years later
A teenager, this is a fun, sweet
I just got jumped twice in one week, it's complete
It's usually once a month, this is some feat I've accomplished
They've stomped me into the mud [gee] for what reason, you stomped me
But how do you get the shit beat out of you be down and be upbeat
When you don't have no-thing, no valid shot at life
Chance to make it or succeed
Cuz you're doomed from the start
It's like you grew up on drug street, from jump street
But if I had just kept my head up my ass
I could accomplish any task
Practicing trash talking in a trance
Locked in my room yeah but I got some plans mama
These damn rhymes are falling
Out of my pants pocket I can't stop it
And I'm starting to blend in more, school this shit helps for sure
I'm getting more self assured than I've ever been before
Plus no one picks on me anymore, I done put a stop to that
Threw my first punch, end of story
Still in my skulls a vacant, empty void,
Been using it more as a bin for storage
Take some inventory and as gorge as a Ford engine door hinge syringe an orange an extension cord and a Ninja sword
Not to mention four lynch pins and a stringent stored ironing board a bench a wrench or winch and a tangent whore
Everything but a brain, but dome's off the f*cking chain
Like an independent store, something's wrong with my head
Just think if I had a brain in it, thank God that I don't
Cause I'd probably be Dahmer cause mama always said

[Hook]

[Bridge:]
Now my mum goes "womp womp womp"
Cause I'm not that smart but I'm not dumb
I was on a bottom of the pile getting stomped
But somehow, I came out on top

[Verse 3:]
I told you one day, I said they'd have that red carpet rolled out, yo
I'm nice, yo, f*ck it I'm out cold
Now everywhere I go, they scream out 'Go'
I'm bout to clean house, yo
I'm Lysol, now I'm just household
Outsold the sell outs, freak the hell out
Middle America, hear them yell out
Until they were so scared, and those kids
Just about, belted out
Whatever spout that it fell out
Of my smart alleck mouth, it was so weird
Inappropriate, so be it, I don't see it
Maybe one day when the smoke clears, it won't be as
Motherf*ckin' difficult, ye, till then
Hopefully you little homos get over your fears and grow beards
It's okay to be scared straight, they said I provoke queers
Till emotions evoke tears, my whole careers a stroke of sheer genius
Smoke and mirrors, tactical, practical jokes, yeah
You motherf*ckin' (insert insult here)
Who the f*ck would've thought one little lone MC would be able to take the whole culture and re-upholstery it
And boy did they flock
Can't believe this little hick locked
This Hip Hop shit in his hip pocket
And still the shit got that
White trash traffic and gridlock
Shit hopping like a six blocks from a Kid Rock
Insane Clown Posse concert in mid oc-tober
And got forbid ah see a wizard and get a brain in my titanium cranium dog
Cause I turn to the Unabomber mama always said

[Outro:]
Insaneness ain't even a word you stupid f*ck
Neither is ain't

[Verse 1]
You used to say that I'd never be nothing without you
And I believe
I'm shot in the lungs, I gasp, I can't breathe
Just lay here with me, baby, hold me please
And I'd beg and I'd plead, drop to knees
And I'd cry and I'd scream, baby, please don't leave
Snatch the keys from your hand
I would squeeze and you'd laugh
And you'd tease, you're just f*cking with me
And you must hate me
Why do you date me if you say I make you sick?
And you've had enough of me
I smother you, I'm 'bout to jump off the edge

[Hook]
But you won't break me
You'll just make me stronger than I was
Before I met you, I bet you I'll be just fine without you
And if I stumble, I won't crumble
I'll get back up and uhhh
And I'mma still be humble when I scream f*ck you
Cause I'm stronger than I was

[Verse 2]
A beautiful face is all that you had
Cause on the inside you're ugly, and mad
But you're all that I love
I grasp, you can't leave
Please stay here with me, baby, hold me please

And I'd beg and I'd plead, drop to knees
And I'd cry and I'd scream, baby, please don't leave
Cause you left and you took everything I had left
And left nothing, nothing for me
So please don't wake me from this dream, baby
We're still together in my head
And you're still in love with me
'Til I woke up to discover that that dream was dead

[Hook]

[Verse 3]
You walked out, I almost died
It was almost a homicide that you caused cause I was so traumatized
Felt like I was in for a long bus ride
I'd rather die than you not by my side
Can't count how many times I vomited, cried
Go to my room, turn the radio on and hide,
Thought we were Bonnie and Clyde
No, on the inside you were Jekyll and Hyde I
Felt like my whole relationship with you was a lie
It was you and I, why did I think it was ride or die?
Cause if you could've took my life you would've
It's like you put a knife to my chest and pushed it right through to the
Other side of my back and stuck a spike, too, should've
Put up more of a fight, but I couldn't at the time
No one could hurt me like you could've
Take you back now, what's the likelihood of that?
Bite me, bitch, chew on a nineteen footer
Cause this morning I finally stood up
Held my chin up, finally showed a sign of life in me for the
First time since you left me and left me with nothing but shattered dreams
And a life we could've had and we could've been
But I'm breaking out of this slump I'm in
Pulling myself out of the dumps once again
I'm getting up once and for all, f*ck this shit
I'mma be late for the pity party
But you're never gonna beat me to the f*cking punch again
Took it on the chin like a champ so don't lump me in with the chump-ions
I'm done being your punching bag

It was November 31st today, would've been our anniversary
Two years, but you left on the first of May
I wrote it on a calender, was gonna call, but couldn't think of the words to say
But they came to me just now, so I put 'em in a verse to lay
And I thank you (uh) cause you made me (uh) a better person than I was
But I hate you (uh) cause you drained me (uh)
I gave you all, you gave me none
But if you blame me (uh), you're crazy (uh)
And after all is said and done
I'm still angry, yeah, I maybe
I may never trust someone

[Hook]

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're tryin' to save me, stop holding your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy

I wanted the fame but not the cover of Newsweek
Oh well, guess beggars can't be choosey
Wanted to receive attention for my music
Wanted to be left alone in public, excuse me
For wantin' my cake, and eat it too, and wantin' it both ways
Fame made me a balloon 'cause my ego inflated
When I blew, see, but it was confusing
'Cause all I wanted to do's be the Bruce Lee of loose leaf
Abused ink, used it as a tool when I blew steam
Ooh! Hit the lottery, ooh-wee!
But with what I gave up to get it was bittersweet
It was like winnin' a used mink
Ironic 'cause I think I'm gettin' so huge I need a shrink
I'm beginnin' to lose sleep, one sheep, two sheep
Going coo-coo and kooky as Kool Keith
But I'm actually weirder than you think, 'cause I'm

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're tryin' to save me, stop holdin' your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy

Well, that's nothin' (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Well, that's nothin' (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

Now, I ain't much of a poet
But I know somebody once told me to seize the moment
And don't squander it
'Cause you never know when it all could be over tomorrow
So I keep conjurin'
Sometimes I wonder where these thoughts spawn from
Yeah, ponderin' will do you wonders
No wonder you're losing your mind, the way it wanders
Yodel-odel-ay-hee-hoo!
I think it went wanderin' off down yonder
And stumbled onto Jeff VanVonderen
'Cause I need an interventionist
To intervene between me and this monster
And save me from myself and all this conflict
'Cause the very thing that I love's killing me
And I can't conquer it
My OCD is conkin' me in the head, keep knockin'
Nobody's home, I'm sleepwalkin'
I'm just relayin' what the voice in my head's sayin'
Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just friends with the

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're tryin' to save me, stop holdin' your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy

Well, that's nothin' (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Well, that's nothin' (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

Call me crazy, but I have this vision
One day that I'll walk amongst you a regular civilian
But until then, drums get killed and
I'm comin' straight at MC's, blood gets spilled and
I'll take it back to the days that I'd get on a Dre track
Give every kid who got played that pumped-up feelin'
And shit to say back to the kids who played him
I ain't here to save the f*ckin' children
But if one kid out of a hundred million
Who are going through a struggle feels it
And relates, that's great, it's payback, Russell Wilson
Falling way back in the draft
Turn nothin' into somethin', still can
Make that, straw into gold, chump, I will spin
Rumpelstiltskin in a haystack
Maybe I need a straight jacket, face facts
I am nuts for real, but I'm okay with that
It's nothin', I'm still friends with the

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're tryin' to save me, stop holdin' your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're tryin' to save me, stop holdin' your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy

Well, that's nothin' (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Well, that's nothin' (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

[Intro:]
I own a mansion, but live in a house
A king-size bed, but I sleep on the couch
I'm Mr.Brightside, glass is half full
But my tank is half empty, gasket just blew

[Verse 1:]
This always happens, 30 minutes from home
Gotta lay a log cabin and only option I have is McDonald's bathroom
In a public stall dropping a football
So every time someone walks in the john I get Madden
''Shady, what up?''- What? Come on, man, I'm crapping
And you're asking me for my got damn autograph on a napkin?
Oh, that's odd, I just happened to run out of tissue
Yeah, hand me that, on second thought I'd be glad then
''Thanks, dawg, name's Todd, a big fan''
I wiped my ass with it, crumbled it up in a wad and threw it back and
Told him ''Todd, you're the shit'' when does all of this crap end?
Can't park my ass without causing an accident
Puff my gas, cut my grass, can't take out the f*cking trash
Without someone passing through my sub harassing
I'd count my blessings, but I suck at math
I'd rather wallow then bass suffering from succotash
But the antacid is my stomach gas
I mix my corn with my f*cking mash
Potato, so what, ho, kiss my country bumpkin ass
Missouri Southern roots, what the f*ck is upperclass
Call lunch dinner, call dinner supper
Tupperware in a covered plastic wear up the ass
Stuck in the past, iPod, what the f*ck is that?
B-boy to the core, mule, I'm a stubborn ass

[Hook:]
Maybe that's why I feel so strange
Got it all, but I still won't change
Maybe that's why I can't leave Detroit
It's the motivation that keeps me going
This is the inspiration I need
I can never turn my back on a city that made me
(Life's been good to me so far)

[Verse 2:]
They call me classless, I heard that, I second and third that
Don't know what the f*ck I would doing if it weren't rap
Probably be a giant turd-sack
But I blew, never turned back
Turned 40 and still sag
Teenagers act more f*cking mature, Jack
F*ck you gonna say to me?
I leave on my own terms, asshole, I'm going berzerk
My nerves are bad, but I love the perks my work has
I get to meet famous people, look at her, dag
Her nylons ran, her skirt snag
And I heard she drag-races, *burp* swag
F*cking my Hanes shirt tag
You're Danica Patrick (yeah) work, skag
We'd be the perfect match
Cause you're a vacuum, I'm a dirtbag
My apologies, no disrespect to technology
But what the heck is all of these buttons?
You expect me to sit here and learn that?
F*ck I gotta do to hear this new song from Luda?
Be an expert at computers?
I'd rather be an encyclopedia Britannica, hell with a Playstation
I'm still on my first manual from Zelda
Nintendo, bitch, run, jump, punch, stab and I melt the
Mozzarella on my spaghetti, put in on bread
Make a sandwich with welch's and belch
They say this spray butter is bad for my health, but
I think there's more white trash from the trailer
Jed Clampett, Redd Sanford welfare mentality helps to
Keep me grounded, that's why I never take full advantage of wealth, I
Managed to dwell within these parameters
Still cramming the shelves full of hamburger helper
I can't even help it, this is the hand I was dealt to
Creature of habit, feel like I'm trapped in an animal shelter
With all these pet peeves
God dammit to hell, I can't stand all these kids with their camera cellphones
I can't go anywhere, I get so mad I can yell, the
Other day someone got little elaborate and stuck a f*cking dead cat in my mailbox
Went to Burger King, they spit on my onion rings
I think my karma is catching up with me

[Hook]

[Bridge:]
Got friends on facebook, all over the world
Not sure what that means, they tell me it's good
So I'm artist of the decade, I even got a plaque
I'd hang it up, but the frame is all cracked

[Verse 3:]
I'm trying to be lowkey, hopefully nobody notices me
In produce hunched over, giant nosebleed
Over stop as I mosey over to the frozen aisle
By the frozen yogurt this guy approached me
Embarrassed, I just did Comerica with Hova
Show's over, I'm hiding in Kroeger buying groceries
He just had front row seats, told me to sign this poster
Then insults me "wow, up close didn't know you had crow's feet"
I'm at a crossroad lost till shopping at Costco
Sloppy Joe's, buck waffles
Got caught picking my nose, ah
Look over see these two hot hoes
Finger still up in one of my nostrils
Right next to 'em stuck at the light
This f*cking shit is taking forever to change
I'm stuck, these bitches are loving it rubbing it in
Chuckling, couldn't do nothing, play it off
''What you bumping? Trunk Muzik? Yelawolf's better'', f*cking bitch
They want me to flip at the label, but I won't succumb to it
The pressure, they want me to follow up with another one after Recovery
Was so highly coveted, but what good is a f*cking recovery if I fumble it?
Cause I'mma drop the ball if I don't get a grip
Hopping on shrubbery on you sons of bitches
Wrong subdivison to f*ck with, bitch
Quit snapping f*cking pictures of my kids
I love my titty, but you push me to my limit, what a pity
The shit I complain about
It's like there ain't a cloud in the sky and it's raining out
Kool Aid stain on the couch, I'd never get it out
Bitch, I got an elevator in my house
Ants and a mouse, I'm living the dream

[Hook]

[Verse 1: Eminem]
Somethin's burnin', I can't figure out what
It's either lust or a cloud of dust
Judgement is clouded, must just be the powder from the power of love
But I'm in somethin' I don't know how to get out of
Left my girl in the house alone
Is that my soon to be spouse's moan
And the further I walked allowed her
I paused for a minute to make something, that's what I heard
Cuz after all this is her place
So I gave her the benefit of the doubt
Think I might be about Busta Busta
The thought's so scary, yo that it hurts, brace
Hope it ain't, there we go, yo
Cause my head already goes to worst case scenario, though, in the first place
But you confirmed my low end theory, though
Should've known when I made it all the way to third base
And that was only the first date, coulda made it to home plate
But you slid straight for the dome and dove face first
No, you don't, under, stand, I, don't, do this for
Anyone, ever, Yeah that ain't what they all say
I'll say it, you can suck a softball through a straw, used to be my fiance
'Til you sucked on Wayne, Andre, and Kanye
Lebron, Akon, Jay, Lil Jon, Raekwon, Ma$e
Polow Tha Don, Drake, Dante Ross, James Conway, Kwame
Guess I'm gettin my goddamn Jigga on
Cause your name, I'm beyond sayin'
But f*ck it, I'm movin' on, you women are all cray
But I'll probably always keep on playin' the game of

[Bridge: Sample]
Love, love, love, love
L-l, l-l-l-love

[Chorus: Kendrick Lamar]
She doesn't love me, no she don't love me no more
She hates my company, yeah she don't love me no more
I tried to get her up out of my head as my bags hit the door
She screamed she loves me like she never did before

And I told her go where you want
And go do what you want to do. I don't care
[x2]

[Verse 2: Kendrick Lamar]
I told that bitch
I'm a sucker for love, you're a sucker for dick
Suckin' dick in your momma's tub 'til your granny walked in
Told the stupid nigga to duck under the water, he drowned
Like an abortion, they booked you for manslaughter, you beat the case and I called you
"Sherane is not available now leave a message at the tone
And Kendrick don't forget to buy two pair of those
Expensive heels, you little f*ckin' ferris wheel
F*ckin' spendin' on me, f*ck you think we gon' get married still?
F*ckin' Mary had a little lamb, this ain't no fairy tale
Fairy godmomma better tell you how I f*ckin' feel
Like you should f*ckin' beat it or f*ckin' eat it while I'm on my period
Now have a blessed day"
Bitch you serious? I'm in the mirror with this look on my face, curious
Why you ain't f*ckin' with me, you cut me up, a Caesarean
You know I want you bad as a Benjamin, I'm delirious
I want you bad as the head shattered on George Zimmerman
After the dillinger hit'em diligently and killin' him
His mouthpiece for a Cadillac emblem
That's analogy and metaphor for yah
I should win a medal for all the ways I adore yah
This is me talkin' poetry, yeah I got some home trainin'
That ain't what you like, ain't it? What about if I was famous
As Marshall, would you give fellatio in the carpool
Cops pull us over, they just wanna know if you gargle, singin'
I hope she's good enough, meanwhile you're chasin' her
Chlamydia couldn't even get rid of her
Pity the fool that pity the fool in me, I'mma live with the game of

[Bridge: Sample]

[Hook: Kendrick Lamar]

[Verse 3: Eminem]
So needless to say I'm feeling betrayed
Snatched my housekey off my keychain
She jumped off, Wee-Bey from The Wire, escape
Now she's chasin' me with a cheese grater
Here goes that broken record, cliche, it's all my fault anyway
She's turnin' the tables, I'm a beat-break
Treats my face like seratos, she cuts and scratches like a DJ
Each day is an instant replay
They sayin' we display cinethematic abatic behavior
Back together but forgot today was her b-day, cut me off on the freeway
Simple misunderstandin' but just as I went to slam on the brakes
Then I realized that she may be as crazy as me, wait
Bitch cut my f*ckin' brakeline, stepped on them f*ckers 8 times
Still goin' 73, thank God there's an exit coming up
But them other F-U-C-K's all would of hit the off ramp
So I coast into a gosh damned aww hit a f*ckin' tree
Now here she comes at full speed, she's racin' at me, okay you wanna f*ck with me, eh?
Snatch the bitch out her car through the window, she screamin'
I body slam her onto the cement, until the concrete gave and created a sinkhole
Bury this stink ho in it, then payed to have the street re-paved
F*ck, woke up in a dream state in a cold sweat like I got hit with a freeze ray durin' a heat wave
Guess I eventually caved though, cause she's layin' next to me in bed
Directly aimin' a gat at my head
Woke up again and jumped up like f*ck it, I've had it, I'm checkin' into rehab
I confess I'm a static addict, I guess that's why I'm so clingy
Every girl I've ever had either says I got to much baggage
Or I'm just too dramatic
Man what the f*ck is the matter? I'm just a f*cking romantic
I f*cking love you, you f*cking bitch!
Combative, possessive, in fact last time I was mad at an ex
I actually set off a chain reaction, a tragic event
I said "hit the road" and after she left
I sent that bitch a text
I said "be careful driving, don't read this and have a accident"
She glanced to look at it and write, too bad
Thought we had a connect
No sense dwelling makes, never been a more compelling case
Than a model covered in L'Oreal and mace, who fell from grace
Eleven stories for story telling but the whore was yelling "rape"
So the vocal cords were swelling and her voice were more hoarser than Tori Spelling's face
Still they swarm the gates and my fans making stakes to greet Norman Bates with a warm embrace
Unless you're Andrea Yates, don't ask me for a date, don't be late
Well the sentiments great, but wait then there's been a mistake
You want an intimate date, I wanna intimidate
I have infinite hate in my blood, it's mainly because of the game of
[Message sound]
Wait dinner at eight
I have infinite hate in my blood, it's mainly because of the game of

[Outro]
Love, love, love, love
L-l, l-l-l-love

Mom, I know I let you down
And though you say the days are happy
Why is the power off and I'm f*cked up?
And mom, I know he's not around
But don't you place the blame on me
As you pour yourself another drink, yeah

I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

I went in headfirst, never thinkin' about who what I said hurt
In what verse, my mom probably got it the worst
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are, did I take it too far?
'Cleaning Out My Closet' and all them other songs
But regardless I don't hate you 'cause, ma
You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my mom
Though far be it from you to be calm
Our house was Vietnam, Desert Storm
And both of us put together can form an atomic bomb
Equivalent to chemical warfare
And forever we can drag this on and on
But agree to disagree
That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me
You're kicking me out? It's fifteen degrees
And it's Christmas Eve, "Little prick, just leave"
Ma, let me grab my f*cking coat
Anything to have each other's goats
Why we always at each others throats?
Especially when dad, he f*cked us both
We're in the same f*cking boat
You'd think that'd make us close (nope)
Further away it drove us, but together headlights shine
And car full of belongings, still got a ways to go
Back to grandma's house, it's straight up the road
And I was the man of the house, the oldest
So my shoulders carried the weight of the load
Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old
And that's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable
And to this day we remained estranged, and I hate it though, but

I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

'Cause to this day we remain estranged, and I hate it though
'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grandbabies grow
But I'm sorry, mama, for 'Cleaning Out My Closet', at the time I was angry
Rightfully? Maybe so, never meant that far to take it though
'Cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes
That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio
And I think of Nathan being placed in a home
And all the medicine you fed us
And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but
Now the medications taken over and your mental states deterioratin' slow
And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though
But, ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo
All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both
Foster care, that cross you bare, few may be as heavy as yours
But I love you Debbie Mathers, oh, what a tangled web we have 'cause
One thing I never asked was where the f*ck my deadbeat dad was
F*ck it, I guess he had trouble keepin' up with every address
But I'da flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus
Owned a collection of maps, and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas
Someone ever moved them from me
That you coulda bet your asses
If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap 'em
And although one has only met their grandma once
You pulled up in our drive one night as we were leaving to get some hamburgers
Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you
And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me
As we pulled off to go our separate paths and
I saw your headlights as I looked back
And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to
Thank you for being my mom and my dad
So, mom, please accept this as a tribute, I wrote this on the jet
I guess I had to get this off my chest
I hope I get the chance to lay it 'fore I'm dead
The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt, I guess we're crashin'
So if I'm not dreaming
I hope you get this message that I will always love you from afar
'Cause you're my mom

I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life (start over)
One without a cause (clean slate)
So I'm coming home tonight (yeah)
Well, no matter what the cost
And if the plane goes down
Or if the crew can't wake me up
Well, just know that I'm alright
I was not afraid to die
Oh, even if there's songs to sing
Well, my children will carry me
Just know that I'm alright
I was not afraid to die
Because I put my faith in my little girls
So I'll never say goodbye cruel world
Just know that I'm alright
I am not afraid to die

I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
Maybe we took this too far
I want a new life

Yeah
Tryna figure out the difference
But I think, think the lines are starting to get blurred

I'm in a strange place
I feel like Ma$e when he gave up the game for his faith
I feel like I'm caged in these chains and restraints
Grimmin' every stranger in the place while I gaze into space
'Cause I'm mentally rearrangin' his face
I need a change of pace
'Cause the pace I'm workin' at's dangerous
There's nowhere to dump this anger, and thanks to this angst
I done quit chicken heads cold turkey
And started slowly roastin' 'em
'Cause that's where most of my anger is based
F*ck your feelings, I feel like I play for the Saints
I just wanna hurt you, aim for the skanks
Then aim for all these fake Kanyes, Jays, Waynes and the Drakes
I'm frustrated 'cause ain't no more N'Sync, now I'm all out of whack
I'm all out of Backstreet Boys to call out and attack
I'm going all out in this rap shit and whatever the fallout is
I'm strapped for battle, suck a duck
Crawl out the back, it's a bar fight
Prepare your arsenal
And beware of barstools flyin' through the air and bottles breakin', mirrors also
And I ain't stoppin' 'til the swear jar's full
"You done called every woman a slut, but you're forgetting Sarah, Marshall" (Palin)
Oh, my bad, slut
And next time I show up to court, I'll be naked and just wear a law suit
Judge be like, "That's sharp, how much that motherf*cker cost you?
Smart-ass, you're lucky I don't tear it off you
And jump your bones, you sexy motherf*cker
You're so f*ckin' gravy, Marshall, I should start calling you au jus
'Cause alls you do is spit them lyrics out the wazoo"
Evil twin, take this beat now, it's all you
I believe people can change, but only for the worse
I could've changed the world if it wasn't for this verse
So satanic, K-Mart chains panic 'cause they can't even spin back the curse words
'Cause they're worse when they're reversed, motherf*cker
(Rape your mother) (Kill your parents)
And these kids are like parrots
They run around the house just like terrorists
Screamin', "F*ck, shit, f*ck"
Adult with a childish like arrogance
Wild ever since the day I came out, I was like, "Merits?
F*ck that, I'd rather be loud and I like swearin'"
From the first album even the gals were like, "Tight lyrics, dreamy eyes"
But my f*ckin' mouth was nightmareish
And from the start of it you felt like you were a part of this
And opposition felt the opposite
Sometimes I listen and revisit them old albums
Often as I can and skim through all them bitches
To make sure I keep up with my competition (haha)
Hogger of beats, hoarder of rhymes
Borderline genius who's bored of his lines
And that sort of defines where I'm at and the way I feel now
Feel like I might just strike first, then ignore the replies

This darkness closing in (evil twin)
There it goes again (evil twin)
It controls my pen (my evil twin)
But that ain't me, it's my evil twin
(Then I step out and see my evil twin, he gives me an evil grin)
But he's just a friend (evil twin)
Who pops up now and again (evil twin)
So don't blame me (evil twin)
Blame him, it's my evil twin
(Then I step out and see my evil twin, he gives me an evil grin)

(Welcome back to the land of the living, my friend
You have slept for quite some time)

So who's left? Lady Gaga? Mess with the Bieber?
Nah, F with Christina
I ain't f*ckin' with either Jessica neither
Simpson or Alba, my albums just sicker than strep with the fever
Get the Chloraseptic, Excedrin, Aleve or Extra Strength Tylenol 3's
Feel like I'm burnin' to death, but I'm freezin'
Bedridden and destined never to leave the
Bedroom ever again, like the legend of Heath-uh Ledger
My suicide notes barely legible
Read the bottom, it's signed by The Joker
Lorena said I never can leave her
She'll sever my wiener I ever deceive her
F*ck that shit, bitch
Give up my dick for pussy? I'll be Jerry Mathers
I ever left it to Beaver
Get them titties cut off tryna mess with a cleaver
Golly-wally, I vent, heat register, Jesus
Ever since 19946 Dresden it was definitely in my destiny
When on the steps, I met DeShaun at Osborn
I'd never make it to sophomore
I just wanted to skip school and rap
Used to mop floors, flip burgers and wash dishes
While I wrote rhymes, tryna get props for 'em
'Cause I took book smarts and swapped for 'em
They were sleepin', I made 'em stop snorin'
Made 'em break out the popcorn
Now I've been hip hop in its tip-top form
Since N.W.A. was blarin' through my car windows
Leaning on the horn, screamin', "F*ck the police" like cop porn
Flipped rap on its ear like I dropped coin
F*ck top 5, bitch, I'm top 4
And that includes Biggie and Pac, whore
And I got an evil twin, so who do you think that third and that fourth spots for?
And as crazy as I am, I'm much tamer than him
And I'm nuts, then again, who the f*ck wants a plain Eminem?
But no one's insaner than Slim, look at that evil grin (evil twin)
Please come in, what was your name again?
Hi, faggot
Look who's back with a crab up his ass like a lobster crawled up there
Two rabbits, a koala bear, and a ball of hair
And you're all aware I don't got it all upstairs
Guess that's why I'm an addict and it's so small up there
Peace to Whitney, jeez, just hit me
That I should call the Looney Police to come get me
'Cause I'm so sick of being the truth
I wish someone'd finally admit me
Into a mental hospital with Britney
Oh, LMFAO, no way
Jose Baez couldn't beat this rap, O.J., no
Hooray, I'm off the hook like Casey Anthony, hey ho (hey ho)
I sound like I'm tryna sing the f*ckin' chorus to "Hip Hop Hooray"
No, I'm hollerin', you got bottom-end like an 8-0-8
And I (base) whether we're f*ckin' off that instead of your face so
Let your low-end raise, yo
Tango, what you think, ho? Slow dancin' or bowling?
You tryna hold hands with your homie?
What, you think I'm lookin' for romance 'cause I'm lonely?
Change that tune, you ain't got a remote chance to control me
Ho, I'm only vulnerable when I got a boner
Superman tried to f*ck me over, it won't hurt
Don't try to fix me, I'm broke so I don't work
So are you, but you're broke 'cause you don't work
But all bullshit aside, I hit a stride
Still Shady inside, hair every bit is dyed
As it used to be when I first introduced y'all to my skittish side
And blamed it on him when they tried to criticize
'Cause we are the same, bitch