Confused - Vibrato (Unmixed, Unmastered & Unloved) Lyrics

Musical ideas dripping out of my head
Only problem is it happens when I'm in bed
She keeps on saying to me
What the hell you doing
I said, I'm real sorry babe
But I just ain't worth screwing
Don't worry about a thing baby It happens all the time
Yeah, but it happens so often to me I feel I've committed a crime
It's not natural for men of my age to always feel down
I turn around and she's gone
And the room starts spinning around
I see her walking around the town looking for something to eat
I said, Come in here honey and I'll give you a real treat
I take her to a sex shop in the middle of town
We walk in there with pride and we have her browse around
She says, Hey honey, How about these
I said, Are you crazy they look like they hang off Christmas trees
You want something to satisfy yourself on lonely nights in San Diego
As I reach for the shelf I pull out the vibrato
Took her back home, then went back to my pad
Sat on my bed with an expression so sad
Why is it that I can never rise to the occasion
Because when I was young I figured out Masturbation
She says, How about it honey
Want to try it again
Maybe tomorrow night
She's driving me insane
I can't cope with all the hurt and the confusion
Maybe my whole life is just an illusion
Maybe it is
What are you talking about bitch
Who asked you
The only thing you're useful for is
A screw
Who do you think you are
I don't know
Who needs you when I've got my vibrato
I'm here for you tonight to talk about vibrato
It's round and it's hard like overcooked baked potato
It's very intimidating the first time you use it
But when it does its magic
Your smile, You can't remove it
I'm sure it's good for its intended purpose
But it has side effects like your ruined cervix
It leaves your man feeling like a little loner
And before he knows it he can't even maintain a boner
It's time to put your little differences aside
And find a way to get your main man back inside
If you want an excuse to get down and f*ck
Just strip yourself naked and then kiss and make up
I'll always remember buying her Vibrato
I'm really sorry hon
I didn't mean to snap
That's OK sweetie
I think you're full of crap
Well you're not the best person to cope with yourself
You're like a rag doll that fell off the top shelf
Don't talk to me like that you know it turns me on
I look her up and down as she waggles her tongue
And then all of a sudden I get an erection
We jump into bed and now our life is perfection