There's a plastic doll with a wobbly head
There's a silver and gold dining set
Some luxury crackers that you simply must get
Pinecones all for flocked in white
The price of which will keep you up all night
Get them home quick and hide them out of sight
We don't advise you to panic buy
A thoughtless gift and they might cry
But if you pre-order online
Only then will you survive
The holiday season this year
There's a hamper with cheese and honey and wine
The latest games for you to try
Or get yourself some sexy underwear
Maybe a biscuit selection or five
Or if you simply can't decide
We offer vouchers for just about everywhere
We don't advise you to panic buy
A thoughtless gift and they might cry
But if you pre-order online
Only then will you survive
The holiday season this year
It's the key sale period for retailers
You must buy, you must buy
And in our key sales period this year
You must buy or die