CLNJonah - Behind Closed Doors Lyrics

What a lot of people don't understand, is what happens when I close doors
You need to wake up and open your eyes and start realizing these things
Open yourself up to the world, don't be ashamed of who you are
Started to understand the world really got me feeling enlightened
It's like I flipped on a switch everything just brightened
Trying to express how I really feel inside got me frightened
Cause every time I try to do right and I get played to the left
It's been a long night, I need to rest
But you keep coming into my head, you asking me how I feel
I tell you I want you, but you don't understand cause it's not real
I'm trying to take these pills, relax my mind
Body at ease, soon to come back
But right now I'm free, so I don't care what it's doing to me
I could die at 16 or 17, but why does that matter
Because I'm basically never seen
Only reason I don't want to die because she's pretty like the evergreen
Want to be noticed by you, that's all I ever dream
Can't bring you over cause I got depression, so my room is never clean
Whatever happens behind closed doors need to be open
Ay I'm tryna be enlightened
I'm tryna be enlightened
I'm tryna be enlightened
I'm tryna be enlightened
Ayy listen to my heart and Imma listen to my soul
I'm gonna tell you that I love you but I really do not know
I just hate to let you go, but I don't want to hear no
So even if I ain't trying to leave I'm gonna let you go
We ain't no exercise so we ain't finna work out
You don't love me like I love you but I guess you wouldn't know
Cause I kept it behind closed doors, I couldn't let it show
I just wish there was some way that I could let you know
I'ma call the suicide hotline, let it ring a few times
They pick up and I tell them never mind
Then I go hit a line, now I'm losing my time
Couple of cuts just to ease my mind
If you ask me then I'll tell you that I'm doing just fine
Chances are that I'm probably lying
But don't blame me cause I promise I'm trying
I feel like I don't fit into this world anxiety
I can't breathe
Sitting in my bed and I lost my mind
Devil sitting on my shoulder saying it's your time
Is it really time to go
Is it really time to go
I don't think I wanna go
Do I really have to go
Think of all the times I've ever been sad
And I can't overcome this one day, this one night
Do I really stop the fight and let death win
It hasn't all been bad
Sitting on the bridge looking back at all the memories I've had
I look back at the ground
All it takes is one fall down
I haven't done all the things that I said I wanted to do
Like tell that one girl that I like her
Maybe she likes me too
Maybe I shouldn't die because what if she wants to
And the 13th reason would be cause of you
The Lord wants us to pour out his love, wisdom, and comfort
Many people feel grief in different ways
Sometimes their pain seems to have no source
But don't suffer in silence
Don't do something that you can't reverse
Like harm yourself or suicide
Call on the Lord for he will answer you