Bryan Lee - All My Thoughts (Letter to Me) Lyrics

Dear bryan
This is me writing to you
You've come so far
But im just here
Reminding you
About the ones you have around
They mightve let you down
But you never turn your back
Cause thats not who we are
You're strong
But i see you slipping away
And I feel it too
Cause were the same person
But im just the thoughts in your head
When you lie awake in bed
Pacing back and forth
When i remind you
Your efforts always fall short
2011 it hurt cause it was the first
Goin through a loss
Seein family cry
But i was too young to understand
What was goin on
But i knew
Things will never be the same
But thats not what hurts me the most
Between that time before 2015
I was following steps
I shouldve turned from
Maybe if i wasnt too afraid to speak
Me and my brothers would still have mom
Our Family was close
Till we cut ties
And the curtains closed
Shows over
But the memories remain
And im holding them closer than ever
Dont wanna forget cause then
I might forget me forever
Just another blurry image of me
Trynna see
But the pictures gray
Might just be the tears blockin the way
Cause i havent been the same since that day
But i wipe them and fake a smile
Till im on the way

I used to really love myself
Now im screaming at myself
At my thoughts
I used to really care for me
But all the pain is changing me
This is my letter
To me

Dear bryan
You try so hard to change
You've taken all the blame
No one cares cause it won't change a thing
The scars remain
From the wars that they don't know about
They judge
But we've been battling for 20 years
1 against an army
In a society
Where people don't know
About mental health
Cause they look at wealth
But all the money won't
Bring someone back
Lookin at my past
All the mistakes that ive done made
Trynna repay for all my sins
But karma keeps on catchin up
Can't get it off mind
But lets rewind
To that time
I heard about you
Goin to the field
Drove pass the firetruck
Didn't know theyd be after you
Can't imagine the fear
And all the tears
Fallin down your face
With no one to tell you everything will be ok
If i was there i would've ran in and saved you
But thats a fairy tale
That could never happen
Cause i failed you
As a brother
I told you leave
You wouldnt believe the weight
On the shoulder of a 16 year old
If you were here
Id show that im a different person
You're the only person i wanna prove to
But they say you only have one chance
And this is proof
So maybe in another life
Ill get a second chance
So i could tell you how much i miss you
And im so sorry for the pain that i caused you

I used to really love myself
Now im screaming at myself
At my thoughts
I used to really care for me
But all the pain is changing me
This is my letter
To me

Bryan its not your fault
I try to tell you
But all the people who blamed you
Was your family
So how can i not
Believe that it was me
Who drove you to your grave
You let your anger get the best of you
Knowing damn well it was just to test you
Your patience
They say its a virtue
I guess its true
I just couldn't handle you bringing everyone to eat
The food we were strugglin to get
So i picked up your clothes
And threw it all on the floor
In a basket
I told you to leave
And never come back
With my brothers in the other room
Didnt know youd be gone soon
In my heart i regret it so much
Cause a little bit of me dies
When i realize they dont have much
Memories of you
Cause they grew up havin to see us bury you
Now all they have is me
And i just feel like im not enough