Setting down feet on School
I wonder why I can't see the world from here
And I realize Audobon's out and the sandwich shops are closed
So I walk north to Irving park
Lined with coffee shops and bars
We used to drive by every night on the way from your place to mine
I walk north towards Sunnyside
And despite the cold rain and salt, I feel I belong
And that everything might be okay this time
I walk north towards Lincoln Square
There's a dead pigeon in a planter and the chicken shop's sign's burnt out
And I realize
I'm using the notion of home as a distraction
From the multitude of ways in which I'm constantly letting myself down
And finally, the walls and windows of the house I built for myself come crumbling down
As I realize I can't hide and that what I was trying to hide from
Was some fictional externalized notion of otherness that caused all my problems while idly, innocently I stood by
A warm wind wanders in
And I'm struck by
Jaundiced snow slung low from streetlights so tight it hurts
And a nagging regret whenever this time of year comes around
Some things never change