Average Joey - Taxi Cab Confessions Lyrics

I drove a new born baby home from the hospital
On her very first car ride
Balloons blocking the rear view the whole time

I've dealt with drunken misogynists and homophobes who are proud of their ignorance
I've had long conversations with queer women of color
About the importance and the nature of poetry

I've been a driver for drug deals, chauffeur to strip clubs, gamblers at the casino who had won big, and some who'd Lost it all

I've been stiffed by stuffy businessmen who discuss their new accounts on the way to the airport
I've been tipped well by the waitress gettin' off the late shift
Workin' paycheck to paycheck to feed her kids

You're only as healthy as you feel

I picked up a woman in Mt. Washington being comforted by her mother
And she said "They shot my brother, oh god they shot my brother"
I drove her to Hazelwood in relative silence besides a prayer or a whimper from time to time
When we arrived on the scene there were police squads and a news team
She said "How much do I owe ya?"
I said "...no, of course don't worry about it, Idk what else to say, I'm sorry"
She opened up the door, stepped out of the cab
And in the loving arms of a neighbor, she collapsed

There's no escape, I am God's lonely man

A little girl and her mom had forgotten something vital
When they flew to the big city for the big ballet recital
Unpacking her luggage at the hotel and then it hit her
She forgot to pack her ballet slippers!
They called all around the town searching for the perfect pair
A real Cinderella story
She was gettin' real worried
Until the place on 51, they saved the day
But wait, there's more! It was closing time for the store
So they entrusted those shoes
Behind the counter with some dude at the gas station next door

So, off we went
They were thankin' me, I was thankin' them
Mission complete
The girl was so happy
The mom was so relieved
That's where the story ends for me, but not for them

Are you talkin' to me?
There's nobody else here, you must be talkin' to me

I picked up an old woman from the hospital dealin' with chronic pain
She was cranky and mean along the way
I tried to start some small talk
Asked if she liked that ice cream spot
There on the corner? "There's always a long line, ya know? So I figure it must be pretty good"
She said "Ice Cream is Ice Cream, I don't see the big deal"

We pulled into her driveway, she gave me two twenty dollar bills
I said "ma'am, you've made a mistake. You gave me two twenty dollar bills"
She said "no, that's for you, thanks for the ride"

She struggled to get out of the cab
She struggled to get up the stairs
I asked if she'd like some help
She said "I can do this myself"

Then she began to weep
Quietly and soft
I got another call so I drove off