[ Featuring Josh Gad ]
DOUG as YOUNG MONK, spoken]
[BUD as MONK, spoken]
[DOUG as YOUNG MONK]
[BUD as MONK]
[DOUG as YOUNG MONK, spoken]
You're such a bad monk!
[BUD as MONK, spoken]
Yes. Yes I am
(sung)
When I was a young monk
I tried to feed the poor
I prayed to Jesus, I helped the lame
But I always wanted more
God said be weak and be meek and be good
[DOUG as YOUNG MONK]
Good
[BUD as MONK]
But then I met the devil
In a haunted German wood
[DOUG as YOUNG MONK, spoken]
You met the actual devil? In a forest?
[BUD as MONK, spoken]
Uh-huh!
(sung)
The devil was a lady
He looked just like my mom
He held me like a baby
And like a baby I sucked my thumb
He said you're so small, I can make you a man
[DOUG as YOUNG MONK]
Man
[BUD as MONK]
Thеn he threw me in thе dirt
And slapped me with both hands
[BUD as MONK & DOUG as YOUNG MONK]
Haunted German wood
Haunted German Wood
[BUD as MONK]
I sold my soul for power
[BUD as MONK & DOUG as YOUNG MONK]
In a haunted German wood
[DOUG as YOUNG MONK]
This seems bad
[BUD as MONK]
Why's it bad, just a dance with the Devil
I
[BUD as MONK & DOUG as YOUNG MONK]
Worship Satan
[BUD as MONK]
The Devil said he had to go
Back where he'd come from
But he told me, 'Boy, stay in the church
And keep the people dumb
You'll have more power if they think you're
[BUD as MONK & DOUG as YOUNG MONK]
Good...'
[BUD as MONK, rapped]
'But there's gonna come a day
When a guy will print a book
And the book will be the Bible
And the people all will read it
And they'll know that you're a liar
So you're gonna have to stop 'em!
(spoken)
Oh God... sorry, I just need my inhaler...
(rapped)
'Cause if you don't then we just wasted
Like an awful lot of time in that
Haunted German wood'
[BUD as MONK & (DOUG as YOUNG MONK), BOTH]
Haunted German wood
Haunted German wood
You're haunted
(And you're German)
You haunted
(German)
Haunted German
Haunted German wood
Haunted German
Wood
(Haunted German)
Now it is the devil's turn
I see a book, I'll have it burned
I'll always treasure what I learned
In that haunted German-
-wood!